So lately everything has just been a blur. I can't really seem to find anything that makes me happy anymore. I'm not really depressed(I've been there before it sucks) but I just feel like life is rather boring. I'm pretty happy about going back home in a few weeks even though I know it's going to be so lame and boring. I know I'll just go to work everyday, sit at home and be bored all the time. I know that no one will call me to hang out or anything. I don't want to drink all the time like I did last summer, I just dont know. All I know is I wish I could be happy and content with my life. I'm severely missing something and I don't know what it is. I've had a few people tell me well maybe I'm missing that special someone. And maybe that's true to an extent. But at this time I just feel I can't find anyone of the opposite sex to share anything with. It seems like no one is into me or even wants to try to even get to know me. I've always kept the notion of it's just the girls I'm messing with, but after a while I'm starting to think it's me and I hate it. I feel like I'm just over looked as "Oh that guy" by everyone. And I don't know why. I am so nice to girls. Maybe that's the problem. The last one I was involved with told me I was way too nice and I was like "how can I be something I'm not? Would you rather me be a jerk and not care about your feelings at all? Would that make you see me differently?". I just don't get it with them. All girls say they want someone who can be their friend, someone who they can share with, laugh with, just enjoy being around, but in the end all that really matters is them running after somone who really doesn't give a damn about all that, someone who has different motives. I just feel like a giant fuck up with all girls, so I just try to be friends and not think about hey I like her, because it's not worth the heartache anymore when you never had a chance to begin with. Friend zone is probably so lame.... All I can say is sorry for being me and truly wanting to pursue something that was worth something(this isn't directed at one individual, more like every female I'm close to). I guess if I was rich or had mad game I'd be worth something, but being genuine and a true friend doesn't stack up these days. I'm absolutely sick of dating.... Just go away. Or maybe I'll just ever forget that I even like girls in the first place and become asexual.  Maybe I just think I'm good and in reality I'm just a fucking disgrace.
I just feel so bad anymore, I miss my really good friends being around. I can't wait to see them in May. I'm going to crash though and try to sleep off this bad mood. I'm sure tomorrow won't be any better since I have a test over material that doesn't make any sense(fuck philosophy). So until next time.