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So I have come to the fact that I am now over weight and gross. If I get any bigger I'm going to have stretch marks on my legs and I don't want that to happen. :(( I'm so upset. I don't ever really being skinny, (ever) but I do remember not looking around at people around me to check and make sure that they're not looking at my fat rolls, or my meetly legs, or that stupid piece of fat the bulges near your arm when you wear a tank top.
You know I wish I was skinny and I do start to work out. And then I start over. Over and over and over again. I just can't stick with it. :((( I feel like I have to work out in secret so I haven't told anyone about it. I just feel like that would make me feel more fat then I already feel like I am. Some people say I'm not fat and maybe that's the real truth. But when I don't even feel good in my own body. Physically and emotionally don't real right in my own body there has to be some changes made.
I started working out, but not having someone to do it with makes it boring and not as fun. And I feel like I can't ask someone to do it with me because they're either lazy asses and wont do fucking anything, or they're intimidating. I want someone the same size as me to workout with. I want to feel like I'm making progress too. I don't have money for a trainer and schools coming up. I've tried all summer to get fit, but I just can't do it. And you know why??? It's because I'm a fucking lazy ass and I can't do anything right! :((( I feel so alone. I mean do over weight girls my age even work out? Or do they just you know love them selves and go on with life. Don't get my wrong, I do love my self deeply. I love the way I look when I'm not looking at my entire body. I just want my loves handles and meetly legs to go away. :((( I feel stupid writing this, but I guess my hope it that someone will come along with the same problem and then I might feel a little better.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way right? I mean some people actually look good with the weight on them, I just think I look like shit. There are so many beautiful and wonderful people out there that have more or less weight on their bodies then mine. I just hope I'm not meant to be the way I am and feel right now.
Comforting words of any kind will be appreciated greatly. Thank you. :)
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Posted by JViolet23 on 2008-08-16 21:25:16 | Rating: | Views: 48
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beauty comes from the inside. inside your soul. not at all what you look like. just thought i'd pass on that bit of advice and hope it helps (:
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Posted by fallen_angels_col...
on 2008-08-16 21:26:59
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Well done for taking the steps to lose weight and git fit, if that's what you feel will make you feel better.
I am sure that being motivated to workout on your own must be tough, so good on you for having a good go. Remember though, working out can be included in everyday activities, walk a little fast when you are out and about, get off the bus a couple of stops earlier, use stairs instead of taking the lift. Maybe make your solo work out into shorter more regular sessions so it isn't as boring.
Don't beat yourself up over feeling a little out of shape, but do keep taking positive steps to get to the stage where you can look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. I am currently also trying to achieve this. Not because I'm huge, but I do have a few spare pounds I'd rather not....
Good luck, and keep blogging how you get on, sure you'll find a great support network on here :o)
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Posted by deepintought
on 2008-08-16 22:05:21
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