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To recap if you care to read.

What’s next…

Okay to recap my MRI was a success but the results were not exactly positive and now comes in the experts with options that are coming from the ying-yang…the general consensus is if I do opt for an operation the worst case scenario is it can leave me paralyze from my hip down to my legs and I definitely do not want that to happened but the odds and the risk in that happening is very low but it can happen and it does happens.

The success rate in this particular surgery that I probably will undergo is at high 60% because people do seek other alternative treatments. Time and age to include patient overall health condition does plays in the quantified success rate in which the team of medical specialist have discussed with me. So the rate of success is misleading to an extent that they do now want me to think it is walk in a park. Any operation is a complicated procedure many things have to be factor in but if you factor in the all the good stuff and omit the bad then you are providing false hope.

To me it resembled a movie where you sit in front of a panel with a team of medical specialist going over your case with possible treatments, procedures, out come and in the end the legal mumbo-jumbo kicks in they do not want me to hold Samsung Medical Hospital or its team of medical surgeon legally or financially responsible for any unhappy ending.

I did not understand their logic because in the end I am in one of the best 3 hospitals in the world why would I think that my options and treatments were less then expected?

I called my x-wife and spoke to her because I really have no one else that I can talk to because I can not tell my son the severity of my condition because then he will worry and my current wife after dropping heavy hints she is oblivious or does not care or perhaps it’s a defense mechanism that kicks in to filter out the negativity and focus on the positive because I think what I told her did not sink in at all.

They have given me pain killers that have me on cloud 9 and my job performance has not yet lost its steam but one of my supervisor walked in my office and caught me sleeping and abruptly woke me up and said leave the sleeping in the house and focus on your job. After getting my mind back to reality I said fuck-off because I don’t have to answer to you and he reported the incident to have him barred in any of my controlled areas.

LOL that felt good for a change…

I was surprised that my immediate supervisor had the balls or even bothered to care about my condition to expel a junior executive on my behalf.

Now my mental state or my pride, ego or masculinity has taken a good fall lately but I will not be disparaged and I will go back to the gym on Monday to start on a new physical regimen.

I tried to flirt with a lady a few days ago on the street to polish up my ego and when she turned away from my advancement my mind returned to a time in high school when 95% of the girls mocked my efforts and I had little book to write down my success and failures.

My best friend at the time asked me why I have that book and I explained it to him he said “hmm, oh wow” then he snatched the book out of my hand and started reading it for himself. He saw so many failures and very little to no success. And then he told me what I was doing wrong which was that “I am making it bigger then it was in trying to meet a girl.”

And I said “no I wasn’t” and then he said anyone who has a book to write down his success and failure attempts is making a big deal out of a something so simple.

So he tossed the book into the garbage and said if I retrieved the book from where it belongs then I needed to look at myself very carefully in what I was doing because I was about to go into the trash bin and look for trash and provide an excuse to pull out the discard trash to give it importance which in the end was only trash. I looked at him and then to the trash bin a few times back and forth as he walked away from me. He called for me to go. Decision, decision, decision.

I let the book sit in the trash bind after it shared all my hopes and dreams for 9 months.

I ran up to my best friend and we stared at each other for a few seconds to see who was right and who was wrong….so we then ran to McDonalds just to eat some hamburgers and tossed French fries to the girls that were hanging out and chatting about their lives.

Respectfully,

J.L.OYOLA

Posted by JLOyola on 2008-07-25 19:32:01 | Rating: