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| Real Dogs Don't wear Bows on Their Heads |
I don’t like poodles, especially the ones with ribbons and bows on their heads.
Usually you’ll find one sitting in the lap of an elderly woman who fusses with his fur and presses her nose against his. Poodles have an irritating yip. They like to show a lot of teeth when they’re running around my feet, nipping at my ankles. They don’t seem to realize that one swift kick would put an end to their pansy nonsense once and for all.
The difference between a real dog and a poodle is like the difference between a rugged outdoorsman and a gay. Yes, both are considered male, but please.
Pit bulls scare the daylights out of me. Though similar in size to a poodle, I wouldn’t even think about kicking one out of my path. I think they can read minds just as easily as tear off a limb or two. Whenever I am approached by a pit bull I freeze and think of Christmas. Surely there would be nothing about Christmas that would offend the dog. Unless he’s a PC pit bull. Then I’d probably be in big trouble.
Rottweilers are slightly higher on my list than pit bulls. A gentle, lovable Rott comes from special breeding. An owner must be very careful about choosing the breeder. Rotts, gentle or not, tend bear their teeth, growl deep in their throat and take an attack stance. Regardless, the owner will insist he’s only playing.
Excuse me, but I’ve seen Play before, and this isn’t it. You, the owner, may know the breeding line of your dog, but I do not. Until I see the paperwork I must assume those teeth will tear flesh.
The sight of a Chihuahua makes me crave a taco.
Show dogs are too prissy to suit me. They strut their stuff with their noses high in the air. They make me feel like I’m under dressed. I hate it when their fur looks better than my hair. Isn’t it funny how they all tend to look like their owners?
And just what the heck is a Shih-Tzu anyway? Why would anyone want a dog that looks like an obese cat that can’t even use the litter box?
A Pekingese makes me think of a fancy dish on a Chinese menu. I saw a Pekingese once. I did a double take. For a moment I thought someone had stolen the mop from my closet and attached it to a lease.
If I were to ever own a dog I would get a German Shepherd or a lab. They are loyal, rugged, and they wouldn’t be caught dead with bows on their heads.
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Posted by JCWinters on 2009-11-08 11:23:42 | Rating: | Views: 30
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