Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and everything is just fine...

... for about seven seconds before you come to a realization that yesterday was just about one of the worst days you have ever had; the pit of your belly swells and aches, your head spins for a bit - and then you remember that today you are faced with quite possibly one of the biggest challenges you have had in a long time.

     You discover betrayal  - or - better yet, betrayal discovered you. The one you trusted, the one you put more trust into than anyone ever before... the one who swore and promised to you that it wasn't as it appeared, that they were indeed worthy. Yes, it came from 'the ONE'. Was it really possible - could I have been wrong for so long?

Then you find yourself going through every single day - trying to convince yourself in every possible way...
... for about seven seconds before you always came to the realization that they are indeed liars. And not just a little white lie, or a one time lie - no, they were most definitely liars of the worst kind. They speak of honor, they speak of respect ~ and preach of courtesy ~ and how your thoughts are udder absurdity. They look you in the eye with such a steadiness that even a brain surgeon would hold with envy, never looking away - only deeper into you with their convincing gaze.

You believe, until that night when you cried yourself to sleep - and how it hurt so inside, how you didn't know we as caring individuals are capable of so many feelings at one time, of so many pains in unison.  How you didn't realize just how much 'the ONE' person meant to you ~ until they took it all away with their selfishness.  



You lay there and think about leaving. You know you have to, that you must. You stand for so much more - and you expect it out of your soul~mate and lover. There is supposed to be a bond - almost unspoken, a code if you will, for how people should treat each other. Especially lovers and best friends.  Nobody should tell their lover that they want it all and in the same breath turn around and lie about screwing their best freind(s). People shouldn't swear to each other that they are being faithful when they are not. People shouldn't promise things to those who supposedly mean so much when they have absolutely no intention of keeping or honoring them.

WHY LIE?

Really... why the hell would you want to manipulate someone elses life - like that? What the hell are people thinking? Pahleeeze tell me...  I cannot even understand this type of thinking - this type of rationality. It is really outside the realm of what I can comprehend. It just doesn't compute.

You go through days, maybe weeks of wondering why. Why me. What did I do to deserve such a fate. My love of years, the one who swore and promised we would be best friends for life - that our souls formed the Yin and the Yang - that we were a perfect circle. It came to light that not only your other half was full of infidelities, but they were being unfaithful with not just one of your great friends, but your best friend as well. They were all lying to you - everone one of them. You maybe spend months offended, hurt - betrayed by not just people, but by those closest to you.

WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT IT?

You spend a lot of time soul searching. You wonder if it is even possible to trust another person, ever. To let them get close enough to you to do what the others did. You thank your God that you were able to see, you were able to detect their bull-shit, and that your God kept you away from finding them in the act for He knew that if you did...  You thank your God for letting you see - for keeping it real.

Then, after even more time you realize that it was you who tried in that relationship. It was you who gave it 100% all of the time, everyday.  You realize that you were the one who was capable of true love, not them. You have every reason to be happy that you know you are the one who is indeed capable of giving and getting, and that out there - somewhere - someone exists just like you who would never lie or cheat - who would never even consider infidelities, let alone with your closest and dearest freinds.

Finally, it all comes crystal clear that you are better off all the way around. Through the actions of your supposed life mate you learned how fucked-up those who called you their best friend really were. Not only did you see how they treated others - you wondered if they were capable of treating you with such disrespect, and then you learned they were. Good enough.

After that tough day - the toughest day ever in your life was when you had to leave the person you gave the most to, the ONE who took your breath away, the one you loved uncontrollably and the one who made you smile whenever you saw them - even from across a crowded room. You leave them and go through the time of healing - the time of discovery and much pain.

You wake up every morning, sad that you are in an empty bed and the one you thought would be there forever, isn't...

... for about seven seconds before you start smiling a smile that wears on your face for the rest of the day. You smile because you know that you are a much better person now - and they are all still losers.