I wonder how you are. I'm not sure why - except the fact we spent the last five years together. Side by side, laughing and loving. Oh, how silly of me - I can't forget lying... well, that was one sided - but it was still there. Why is it the brain keeps the pain better than it keeps the pleasure? What possible benefit could that give man? I'm guessing it helps trigger the 'fight or flight' decision in all of us.

I can move on. I have. I don't dwell on it much. I like to write about it because it's good therapy - for me, anyway. It's become somewhat comforting to know that people out there can read this. Whether or not they understand, whether or not they take something of use away with them when they are done doesn't really matter I guess. Perhaps I want to show others that they are not alone, that stupid shit happens to all of us at one time or another.

The biggest thing about betrayal and lies and cheats - is that I'm not one of them. I hoped that by being true to someone (all of them, ever) it may come back around. It seems that is a foolish thought any more. I don't speak like this just from my own personal experiences, I speak like this because I watch it happen - almost everyday - to those around me. IMO some of them deserve it, they're doing it to their significant other (and then become totally offended when its done to them - go figure). I guess my biggest issue comes from the fact that I do not deserve it.

I am not a liar. I am not a cheat. Believe it or not, whenever I am dating someone - I can't even kiss another girl. I've tried (when I was younger) but I just cannot. It's not a choice for me. I hope some day to meet someone like that... if I'm not the only one.