Im not sure why I still try to make sense of it all.  There are factors that I'll never know... and there are some that I never want to know. It's been over half a year - and some of it seems as fresh as it were the day it happened. To me, it is impossible to fall from the place we were; all this means only one thing - and that is you were not.

It's almost sad, how blind love is - errr, at least my love anyway. I'm not sure if its trust as much as I refused to believe that anyone who said the things to me that you did would actually be lying when they said them. I just couldn't (and quite frankly still cannot) believe that you would claim soul-mate & perfect circle, best friends and lovers to me - and then go have a very long term sexual relationship with my good buddy of 10 years and my roommate.

The thing is, you kept lying even after I was becoming aware of things.  The thing is - you still kept lying even after I dropped to my knees infront of you in the shower over a year later - begging for the truth, begging for you to at least lie to me and tell me that it was over - when at this time I just damn well knew what was going on. Your lies and his lies couldn't make me believe anything other than what my eyes and gut was telling me.
Why did you insist on these lies? I asked him the same question in the end - and you know what - he said the same thing you did (yeah, go figure)...  that it was easier this way.

WTF ?!?!?!?

Since when is it easier to lie to your friend about screwing his lover for a year and a half than having a five minute conversation about the truth? You go tme... 

I'm really starting to believe that I am the most cranked off about the whole thing because it happened to me. The guy who never cheated on anyone - ever. The guy who never lied to his lover, ever. The guy who was asking for and giving nothing but the truth and honesty about feelings and committment. The guy who believed because it was the right thing to do.

Uh huh - look where that got me, eh?  Yeah - I'll tell you where it got me. Trust and forgiveness to make it work got me further down the road with this one... and that led to her then having an affair with my best friend of 15 years (the one with whom I originally confided in regarding her infidelity... go figure that). Staying around to make it work - being civil - got me further down the 'I have no friends anymore' path. Great, eh?

I know - they all deserve each other. I'm better off without them. They proved their worth. I know all the bullshit which accompanies my strife.

I gotta tell you tho - when you lose the top five of your calling plan...  it kinda sucks.  When after five years with the same selfish lying woman - I lost a combined total of over 50 years of friendship. (20 years one guy - 15 years, 10 years, and so on).  When, in the future am I going to be able to have a beer with my friend of 30 years? NEVER, not any more. Well, if I start now I could hit that 30 mark when I'm nearly 70.  Oh, ok. sure.  whatever....

Get my point? Because of one lying person.. well, her evil ways plus four of my EX friends...  my peeps are gone, and that sux. I'm in a small town - that sux even more.

God I gotta get outta here.....