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Yes, there is an other side. Though when we are in the midst of whatever it is that we're going through it's hard to see. I think I'm making a mess of my point. When someone we love dies, when someone we love is sick, when we fight with the people we need in our lives. When we lose them for various reasons. When money is the root of all that is evil in our lives. When our friends abandon us. It's dark and lonely and cold. It's numbing...physically and literally. Your blood can actually run cold like someone has dumped cold water over your head. You descend into darkness and everything seems hopeless.
We all react differently in that situation. I know someone that goes to bed and listens to Air Supply and watches Lifetime for days and days. Another friend goes out and drinks and partys like a machine literally drowning out the feelings until they collapse and if it's still there when he wakes up he starts all over again. I am an avoider I will cut myself off from whatever or whoever has caused my pain, most of the time I don't talk about it at all. I don't confide in anyone. Until this last one then I needed to come here and let it out. The result of that is that I tend to try to replace the pain with adreneline. I like to go fast and run hard and try to replace the rush of pain with the rush of excitement.
Then as the days go on it fades. It doesn't go away but the mundane parts of life tend to creep back into view and you realise that your mind has room for real life even if you aren't expecting it. I tend to re-live my worst moments in sickeningly clear flashbacks. Which is always fun when I'm driving or sitting at dinner with the family. I guess I should be happy that I'm focused on other things when it happens. I'm living on the other side of whatever drama has snuck into my life. I've managed to move past it and function like a real person.
I can look back at my life and see the moments I thought I wouldn't live through. The death of my grandparents one right after the other. The death of friends. The betrayal of my love. The sickness of a parent. The sickness of my child. Finding and losing love. All different in their pain and extraordinary and all lived through.
Everyone is different in how we handle our crap. Some of us are victims or martyrs. Some are heros and stone cold. Some suffer in silence and some are reckless. It doesn't really matter.....just do what you have to so that you come out the other side. The ones that are still there when you do are so worth it.
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Posted by Imalive on 2008-07-01 10:43:36 | Rating: | Views: 37
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