| View Blog
|
|
| Here Comes the Sun.......
|
|
|
Just when you think your doing ok.......................WHAM something pulls the rug out from under you. Which has happened to me the last couple of days. I've been trucking along, mending my heart....trying my best to be happy. Why is it always something small and stupidly insignificant that sends me into some tailspin? It's been three months of nothing.....from the "other" camp. Not a blip...not a whisper of movement. I logged into my messenger the other morning and he was logged in.....on an account that was barely active before. I sat there heart pounding ....hands sweating....blood rushing in my ears. What the hell? Now internet......riddle me this? Why did this affect me so badly? It's not like there was a message.....or any contact. Just a little "online" symbol? An online symbol that hasn't been online in three months....a little online symbol that was really only used by us.......an online symbol that hasn't been on since. Like I said.....obsess much? I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. I was so close to an ok place. How does this moment have the power to send me backwards so badly? I had quit waiting....I had quit speculating and playing situations over in my head. Three months is a long time to go silent. What I hate most is how stupid I sound. How sad and pathetic.....like an addicted soul. I guess I get points for not shooting off an IM. For logging out and walking away. I think I lost those points tearing up in the car...and thinking about what I'd say if he called for the rest of the day. *sigh* So now I must dust myself off.....gather the shards of my dignity and move on once again...........until the next time there is a blip.
Every day......more than the last.
|
|
Posted by Imalive on 2008-05-01 13:15:24 | Rating: | Views: 39
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
