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| To All the Young Bloggers Out There
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I'm not generally one to take advice from, as my life is a train wreck most of the time. However, there is one thing I wish someone would have told me when I was younger and that I would have been smart enough to listen to.
I have always hated to hurt women so I would end up dating them for way longer than I wanted to. And 14 years ago I married a woman I did not want to marry. She had a tough life and I thought I could help her. I can't because I can't make myself feel things I don't. We can't help who we love and just because we like someone - just because the other person is cute, funny, caring, smart, sexy, sweet or whatever - does not mean we will love them. You either do or you don't. Love is an unmistakable, powerful feeling. You don't learn to love someone.
Despite my best intentions, I have never really helped my wife. My words have always been hollow and transparent because there was no real feeling behind them. I never relieved her lonliness or depression. I just gave her false hope. I messed things up for everyone and helped no one.
My second point is that, when you love someone, it should not depend on whether they feel the same for you. That person's happiness should come first. Love is not selfish. How many times do we hate the person who broke our heart when the day before we professed our unending love?
If I love someone, I want that person to be happy. I don't want them to be there solely to make me happy. If a woman will be happier without me than with me then I will smile for her and cry for me. But the bottom line is I want the people I love to be happy. I'll be fine.
Think about love. Don't just react. Be honest about how you feel. You cannot help it. You can't control how the other person will react. You can't feel love if you don't. You can't change how someone else feels. Don't make the mistakes I have made. |
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Posted by HungryHeart on 2008-04-16 00:21:31 | Rating: | Views: 104
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I know exactly what you are talking about in this post. For the longest time, I was being selfish with my wife. Her and I have had our problems and she didn't want to be with me anymore. I tried tons of things to get her to love me again. To be with me. So that I could be happy.
I finally let her know that all I want is for her to be happy. I've finally reached that conclusion that I love her enough to let her go and to let her be happy. In the end, we'll both be happy in life and I understand that now.
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Posted by crash413
on 2008-04-16 02:35:52
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Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
Bonnie Raitt
Great post with amazing advice. You are so correct in saying that love is wanting the happiness of another. Love holds with an open hand and steps away to make room for happiness in another's life. You will never know how many this post will save from a life of unhappiness. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-04-16 10:35:29
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i dont think you should have gotten married. why couldnt you have helped her without the marriage? if you knew you didnt want to marry her from the beginning.. then that was your first mistake. going through with it anyway.
atleast you have realized it.. and arent wasting your life away. sometimes we have to put ourselves first when its our happiness on the line.
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Posted by ineed_peace
on 2008-04-16 13:34:58
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Sounds like you're in the same boat as my Prince Everything.
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Posted by BitterSweetheart
on 2008-04-16 19:04:48
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This advice really comes at a good time, me and my long time going boyfriend and I just broke up, and he was my everything, but after reading your post I realised I wasn't his everything just a nice stepping stone to move on up. THANKS!
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Posted by babz_03
on 2008-04-17 02:21:04
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I really needed to hear this. As much as i might want to believe it, ive never been in love. Great advice, make sure you pass it on to all the people you care about. Thank you!
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Posted by smileforthecamera
on 2008-05-17 19:35:03
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I don't know why but im crying now.
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Posted by eeerm
on 2008-05-18 10:36:36
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