Well, it happened again. N and I took the baby to see Santa Claus last night and Santa assumed N and I were husband and wife. (My wife wasn't feeling well enough to go along.) When we were leaving I asked N if it was terrible that I enjoyed it when people assume we are a couple. She said no and told me her boss also thought I was her husband or boyfriend.

 I love her so much that I guess all of this just plays into my fantasy. I feel alive when I'm with her in a way that I've never felt before. I'm constantly fighting the urge to put my arm around her or take her hand. It's like the rest of the world doesn't exist when she is talking. The other day we were stuck in a long check out line. Normally that would drive me crazy. When I'm with N, I could care less about check out lines.

 I'm walking a tightrope and I'm not that emotionally balanced to keep from falling. I can't hurt my wife. She has had too much of that in her life. But I need N to be happy and I think she needs me too. Maybe it will all work out, but I don't know how.