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First let me say that I am honored to keep up this tradition.
Now the question: Would you make it easy for someone you love to walk away from the relationship if you knew she/he would be happier without you?
I've been thinking about this question a lot over the last year. Until now, I've never loved anyone enough to answer yes. I know now that I would do anything for N, including walking away.
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Posted by HungryHeart on 2008-08-16 00:55:00 | Rating: | Views: 184
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I had said I was done with QotD. But, this is a thought-provoking...and somewhat unsettling question. I have had one experience where that thought "if you truly love someone, let them go...and if they come back to you, then they are yours". I met someone online some years ago who I suddenly fell for and thought the world of before I received a message in my sleep which said "let her go". I cried as I told her. Of course, at the time, Christmas had already passed and a male friend of hers suddenly decided to win her heart by some extreme romantic gesture which basically took her mind off me completely. And, I was lucky if I was in the friend zone. I guess it was a mismatch anyway. But, if I was more daring/confident, Im sure I could have done/achieved something.
Curious what you say considering your circumstances with your own wife. Like I said...unsettling.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-08-16 01:54:11
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You forgot to mention who you are passing this to next.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-08-16 01:55:59
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Yes, definitely. I never really understood that concept, even during my marriage separation & subsequent divorce.
But I have since found myself in two situations, where if needed I would make myself unavailable or get completely out of the picture if it meant that person would
Move on and have a better future without me....
It's never easy when you care deeply for someone, but if you think it is going to save all concerned a lot of angst and pain I would do it. Even if it meant causing myself heartache.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-08-16 04:35:31
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A very interesting question...I know my husband knew I'd be happier if I left, he has told me so, and has also admitted that he hung on for himself, not me. So not the definition of love in my eyes. I often wonder how the hell he was ever happy if he knew I didnt love him fully with all my heart. Its best for us both that I left, I am sure of that. If he wasnt my soulmate, then I am not his - way I see it, I am now free to love someone and be loved how I need it to be...and just as importantly, so is he (I do still want him to be happy). Dave has told me many times, that because of the eighteen year age gap he is worried at some point about holding me back later on...and he has told me that should I ever want to end it, I should say and not feel bad. Not gonna happen, he's stuck with me! :-) xxx Love is a paradox, because it is selfish when you have to think of yourself, but also selfless in the fact that you have to let someone go, if you know they will be happier without you...that to me is a mark of real love.
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-08-16 05:35:58
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Yes I would, if NQRW had wanted to go and be happier somewhere else, I would let her go......
And as the baton I know that Hungry Heart was intending on passing to KateTheShrew
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-08-16 07:40:18
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I'd say yes because if a person wants to leave they will most likely. I wouldn't want to keep anyone that wanted something other then me.
I believe the "let it go if it comes back it was yours". Problem is most people don't see what they had until the see the grass wasn't greener. The other person may move on before they figure that out. Thats what I chalk up to it wasn't in the cards.
I think if you care about someone enough and you know they want out and it's beyond repair why wouldn't you want them to be happy? Only spite or hurt would come to mind as a reason anyone would want something else than for someone to be happy.
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-08-16 13:04:39
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Great thought provoking question, HungryHeart.
Love, in it's purest form, is not self serving and holds with an open hand.
Love never impedes the choices and freedoms of another.
For me, where this question deviates from a quick simple answer is in the words, if "YOU" knew. Now it's about me and my perception of things. What right do I have to decide what would or wouldn't bring happiness to another. Is my perception pure in nature? I could very well be a person, with low self esteem, who thinks all the problems and stresses of another are of my doing. Throughout history countless tragic love stories have played out ... because someone walked away thinking they knew what was best for another. Two "half souls" left to long and forever search for completion. At all times, not only in the things of love, communication must flow freely with each person having total freedom to decide what's best for them and what sacrifices they are willing to make to achieve the things their heart longs for.
Because of our human frailties and bad choices completing our soul can prove challenging and difficult, as love's timing can be anything, but timely. Seizing love (or any dream for that matter) takes great courage and is not for the cowardly or meek of spirit.
We may think it's within our power to hold another in a relationship, but in reality we possess no such power. The freedom to walk away is always present and only a mere choice away.
Returning to the question at hand. If someone, in my life, feels they would be happier without me and that is their perception of things and not my take on the situation I release and send them on their way with a blessing and wishes for peace and happiness.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-08-16 14:02:16
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Wow, CD! That was beautifully expressed and a tough act to follow!
My answer to this question is a simple one: yes....as long as he leaves his money behind. :P
Aw, c'mon...somebody had to leave a silly answer!
In all seriousness, though, still a simple "yes."
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-08-16 14:54:52
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As much as it would hurt, I would have to say yes. I couldn't be selfish and make him stay with me if he didn't want to. if he found someone "better" or someone to make him happier, than who am i to hold him back? sure I would want to be "that" person to him, but a life in a loveless marriage is not what i would want for him. It would be hard i think to live without that person, but as long as he was happy, I would say yes. Really great question HH!
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Posted by pixierose
on 2008-08-16 15:17:27
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As a rhetorical question, sure...let the other go. I wouldn't humiliate myself hanging on. In real life, there are so many qualifiers,if it is a marriage,it is sudden, and children are involved, just saying see ya! is not an option. Not so simple. And, there are near misses all the time. The infatuations that hijack the brains of the unwary. Some situations aren't dead, just winged, and can be revived. So, nothing is ever a simple answer.
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Posted by circe
on 2008-08-16 17:23:29
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I would so let him go if I knew he wanted out. I would help him pack his bags...wish him well and move on. Even when we physically hold onto someone..we can not emotionally do it. Sometimes people move on mentally and emotionally while they physically stay in the relationship. This leaves a big hole of discontent in the relationship and opens up the situation for every criticism. Picking each other apart mentally and emotionally does no one any good.
The situations we find ourselves in are nothing less than circumstantial and can wreak havoc on the mind while we struggle to figure a way out..without hurting everyone involved. So many people are "stuck" in the relationship due to finances, children or health issues. In a perfect world, we could just pack up and walk away with a sincere apology with no feelings hurt. Being that we don't live in that perfect world..we all just have to muddle through, making these difficult, life altering decisions praying all the while that we make the right ones.
Good question Hungry Heart :D
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-08-17 12:38:03
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I would walk away from someone I loved if I thought they would be happy without me. If the person I loved needed to be away from me then they are better away from with me than they are with me. If its meant to be, it will come back together. If its not meant to be, then its not. Great question.
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Posted by heatherslife
on 2008-08-17 21:14:13
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So many great heart-felt responses. This is why this site is such a fantastic place. I'm sure I'll be re-reading these comments many times as I make tough decisions in the months ahead.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-08-18 14:42:05
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Great question.
I would because that's what love is about isn't it? Thinking beyond yourself and your needs.
Seriously Cool question and best of luck with your decisions!
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Posted by HardThinker
on 2008-08-23 02:58:04
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hmmm..i kind of did that once..two years ago..my first love and my friend fell in love with each other and i love them both so much so i chose to go away..i transferred to another section which has a completely opposite schedule whith theirs..and for a while i chose not to meet up with them..
I let him go because he'll be happier with her..
I know now i made the right decision..i have no regrets..
good luck to you my friend..i hope you'll find the right choice to make..^_^
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Posted by dea0914
on 2008-08-24 21:25:26
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my answer would be Yes!
unfortunately its never that easy. most of us have a tendency to become dependent on each other in some way - financial.. emotional...
and if there are children involved, forget it.
what a thought provoking question!
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Posted by greencat
on 2008-08-26 13:54:43
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