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Why would you marry someone who was not the love of your life? That was one of the great questions that came out of my previous blogs. It requires a little background about where things were in my life 13 years ago.
I was a bachelor for 13 years before I got married and spent probably the first 7 years or so looking for a great love. At some point, I threw in the towel and settled into a pretty nice life alone. I would date women here or there, had plenty of friends and was very comfortable with where I was. I was not one of those people who got married because he was so lonely he had to be with someone.
I knew my wife for several years before we ever went on a date. She was this cute, sweet lady I worked with who had a tough life. A friend once asked me why I didn't ask her out and I told him because I would probably end up marrying her. We finally went on a date. Two months later she asked me to marry her. I said it was too soon and she was hurt. Three months later I asked her to marry me and it made her very happy. It made me happy to see her happy.
Marrying her meant dealing with all of the baggage that had caused her so much sadness in the past - a psychotic mother, three selfish, controling sisters, so-called friends who seemed to take pleasure from her problems. None of them are in her life now. Anyone who hurts my wife draws my wrath so they stay away. (I know, ironic isn't it?)
Have you ever heard of repressed memories? Let me tell you it is not something just from a Lifetime movie. I was there when my wife's repressed memories flooded back from childhood. She knew she did not have a happy home life when she was young, but when all those memories resurfaced....Well, it was just really, really bad. My wife suffered three different break downs that required hospitalization. The physical problems started next - operations, doctors, perscriptions. I pray every night for God to heal her.
Where does that leave us now? I love my wife, but sometimes I'm tired and I guess sometimes I'm selfish - at least in thought. A lot of the time it is like I'm living alone. I'm no martyr or saint. I'm just an average guy trying his best. And now I know there is a different kind of love - a love of your life if you will. I don't want to hurt anyone but I sure would like to capture that feeling.
Thank you for reading. Writing this blog and reading your comments really does help.
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Posted by HungryHeart on 2007-11-16 22:11:36 | Rating: | Views: 139
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You are not alone in your struggle of being torn between doing the honorable thing of staying in your present relationship, and wanting to find (or worse - having found) a different love. Most in a long-term relationship feel that same way at some time during the later years. People naturally change through the years and not always both in the same direction. The best I can advise is to remember that even when you leave someone, you still must live with yourself. On the other side of that argument is that unfaithfulness in the heart is akin to actually putting it into practice - an action already committed. I commend you in staying through so much, and wish you well in doing the right thing. Just know that others are going through the same thing and also struggle with wanting to do the right thing but also want/need to find happiness for themselves when they see it is impossible in a situation that has been unchangeable for years and doesn't seem to have hope of change without the other's willingness to change. Speaking for myself, I sometimes look at it as a prison sentence for the crime of being stupid 20+ years ago. But life goes on... Try to fill your life with other things and thoughts as best as you can, maybe getting some new hobbies or learning new things. Helping others less fortunate can help take you away from yourself and your feelings. You would be amazed at the change all of that can make. Again, I wish you the best of luck with all.
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Posted by Rachele
on 2007-11-17 18:54:05
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That love exists.
It is within you.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-11-22 00:01:50
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The answers will come to you! Remain true to yourself.
I'm actually at a loss for words, I feel your pain.
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-11-23 07:25:20
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The answers will come to you! Remain true to yourself.
I'm actually at a loss for words, I feel your pain.
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-11-23 07:25:24
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I wonder if I am the love of my husbands life? Hmmmm you just brought up a good question. Did he marry me because it made him happy or because it would make me happy?
Only one way to find out, right? I will ask him.
Am I prepared for the answer tho'?
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-11-23 07:28:57
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