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| A New Chapter |
I can't help but think that I am about to begin a new chapter in my life. Like most new beginnings, I am excited, and a little reluctant to begin. Today has been a day of clarity, a day to just see how all of the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. A day, where I can see how God's hand has been guiding me in a direction, and preparing me for the road ahead.
In 1992, I began college at a local private liberal arts college to gain by bachelor's of science in education. I went, and got burned out. I took time off to get a job and work in the real world, and decided to go back and finish up my degree. While there, I took a counseling course. My professor pointed out that I was strong in this area. I took the compliment, and continued the track of elementary education.
I graduated in 2000, and my first job was as a forth grade teacher. I had a child with major anger issues, who was prone to throwing chairs and turning over desks. I also had a foster child who was so attached to me and eager to please me in everything she did. Over the next seven years, I would have every child in my grade level with anger and emotional issues, and foster children.
In 2007, I lost my teaching job. I lost my dream, and felt that I had truly lost God's purpose for my life. The last couple of years have been riddled with a low paying salary for someone who has a college degree, and feeling like I had been a failure. A failure to myself, my students, and to God, who I felt had called me into teaching. I felt that I had failed in understanding what I was supposed to do in my life. I was wandering, desperately hoping to find some kind of higher purpose in my life.
Today, I realized those years of teaching were not a failure or a waste of time. I was there to learn that I had skills in the area of working with troubled students. I was there to learn that I could make a difference in their lives. I was there to get training, and develop skills in working with these children, that I could not have gotten any place else. I was meant to be a teacher, but only for a short season.
During the past few weeks, I realized the part of teaching that I enjoyed the most was counseling the kids with the issues they were dealing with. I decided to get off of my medication, and do something to make things better. The first step is researching some graduate schools that offer counseling. The next is figuring out which area I want to practice in. Right now, I feel like I would like to work with troubled children...possibly some type of clinical counseling. The next little while, I an going to be looking into grad school requirements and trying to find scholarships, and finding a way to come up with the tuition. I know that if I am supposed to be in this area, doors will open, and finances will work out...one way or another.
I think it is funny how we see things that don't work out the way we expected as failures. In 12007, I gave up on my dream of being a teacher, because for some reason, no matter how hard I tried, things just didn't fit together between me and administration, and other terachers. I felt like God had taken away my purpose. In reality he did take away "my" purpose, because he wanted to replace it with "His" purpose for my life. A purpose that would fulfill me. A purpose where I would fit without compromising.
I don't think anything is a failure in life...only learning experiences. What seems like a failure may be a learning experience, or a detour in finding your true passion in life, or preparation for you to do something great in life. How much energy have I wasted, wallowing in what I perceived as failure, when God was viewing it as an opportunity to learn and grow so I could serve him the way He created me to serve. All of this time, I was not a failure, I was in training to serve Him.
I hope that I have not bored you with all of this personal stuff, but it is just my way of sorting out what is happening in my life.
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