Thoughts.com Blogs - Needing Others

by Barb Kampbell

“We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.”
—Leo Buscaglia

Many people have the idea that it is wrong to need other people. Sometimes this is because they have experienced extreme pain from the loss of a loved one due to death or a breakup of some sort. And some people were taught as children that they should not ever need anyone.

Neediness and needing others is not the same thing. People thrive on love and nurturing. We were created to be in relationship with other people. Some of us need more interaction than others.

Sometimes because we have opened ourselves fully to another only to have lost that person in a devastating way we retreat from all interaction, or we get only so close to those in our lives. We have our guard up. We build walls that may never be penetrated. We constantly watch people come and go in our lives because they cannot cross our boundaries, the ones we have built on fear.

And when we have these walls we lose out on a lot in life. Yes, we may avoid pain, most likely we do avoid a great deal of it, but we also don’t allow ourselves to love or be loved and without that we are empty shells. God works through our relationships and interactions with others. When we shut off from people, we close the door on God as well.

Getting and giving love can happen in many ways. Even if we don’t have a romantic partnership we can give and receive love from others, and we should do this even if we have a special love relationship. We give and receive from our friends, community, coworkers, neighbors, anyone in our lives who we can share kindness with will offer us opportunities to share love.

If we have a particular need and it is not getting met we can ask for help from someone close to us. Sometimes we may just need a hug or a listening ear. And it’s almost guaranteed that a good friend would be flattered that we asked and then in turn feel they could come to us for the same.

To continue to grow emotionally and spiritually we need to love and be loved. We cannot ever expect one person to meet every need so it’s important to have a circle of people and love in our lives.

Giving and receiving love is important and something we should all seek; never be ashamed of it.