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AlecParker
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'Okt 22, 6012 (formulary known as "2008")
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Monday, November 03, 2008
A Day In The Life
The automated window drapes that act as my alarm clock spread, unveiling the crisp, California sun. I arise from a restful night's sleep. I yawn. I stretch. My beautiful wife is asleep beside me. She sleeps like an angel. She is an angel. I kiss her adoringly on the forehead and tell her Good morning. Afterwords, as usual, we proceed to make passionate love. If there is one thing I've learned in this life, it's that you should never waste a hard on. For times such as these we have crimson painted walls, incense burning while groovy music plays, this time being 'Stir it Up' by Bob Marley, and ornate red lights dangling from the ceiling.
Downstairs, I begin my morning routine by making family breakfast, now consisting of chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, and a plate of fruit, personally concocted, of course, with only the finest organic ingredients in the market. My wife and two teenage children, Killian and Lily, bustle eagerly down the stairs, detecting the savory aroma of the pancakes. The kids are off to school and I am petting my beloved Goldren Retrievers, Norway and Sweden. My wife and I take them on their morning jog, during which, of course, a few acquaintences implore me to adorn their various asscheeks with my autograph. We pass a man in his thirties. Somehow we know he is having a bad day. We assure him that he is loved, and I inconspicously, so that he would not notice, insert a one million dollar bill into his jacket pocket. We continue our jog back home.
I get down to business. I meander through the halls of my luxurious estate to the recording studio. There I cook up a few tasty jams that will be introduced on my newest album, 'Do Me, Please', due next December. I spend a little extra time today determining which one of my magnificent cars I will be driving to Hollywood in order to act in one of my upcoming Comedy films, 'Fuck Me Sideways', also due next December, and to show my Production company the script that I have written for our next movie. Shorty after I come home to work out with my wife in my home gym upstairs, running thirty miles on the tredmill. I take a shower and proceed to finish a few chapters of my upcoming novel, Baby Love, due next February, and complete many columns due next December for the New York Times, during which I get a call with a plea for me to show up on a Saturday night talk show, which I decline, due to the fact that I have made plans to travel the entire world that day. It is then scheduled for the next Saturday. I listen as the front door opens and the dogs scramble to greet the newcomers. The kids are home. It's time.
Together we walk into the backyard and I smoke a Cuban Cigar as my wife and kids aboard our jet plane. We then fly to Tahiti and bask in the sun, sipping Margaritas. We pass the Dutchie on the left hand side as I ask what they learned in school. They tell me in Science class they learned to split an atom. They tell me in History they met God's father. In Mathematics they learned the meaning of life. In english they learned to say in one sentence what another could only explain in a book. Of course, they made straight A's. Of course, they have already received scholarships to only the finest universities on Mars. I tell them how proud I am and how much I love them.
Arriving back in California, we drive our lamborghini down to one of our family owned businesses, The Wake and Bakery, to have dinner. We arrive to see a bar and tables packed with people, all talking amongst themselves and sipping extravagent wines. I see a stage where The Beatles are playing. Couples and children are dancing merrily. As we walk in, a hush fills the room. The Beatles halt in the middle of 'Strawberry Fields Forever'. A crowd gasps and a woman faints, the people dancing slip, John Lennon points and shouts, "Oh my God, it's Alec Klein!". Everyone is shouting, 'Oh my God, it's Alec Klein! What a pleasure to have you here!". They assure us that whatever we order is on the house. We walk to the party room of the restaurant where our friends are waiting for us. The room is known as Time Warp, due to the fact that it is designed like a giant time machine. Personal hookah hoses that everyone may open a latch and pull out are installed into the table, and Bob Marley sits at the head of the table, puffing his spliff, sticking with a certain riff, as people around him skank it easy. We order our dinner.
On the menu there is every gourmet meal you could possibly imagine, and they have every flavor shisha and every flavor incense that you choose to have around you. As dinner progresses people talk amongst themselves, laughing at every quip I utter, sipping their elegant wines. As they speak I gesture for my wife to lean in. I whisper in her ear, "I want you now." We arise from our seats and assure our guests that we will return shortly. We head to the kitchen. The chefs and bussers and servers see us enter. Without a word, they all scramble, wide-eyed, out of the kitchen. We rip off each other's clothes while I lift her onto a table and, of course, we proceed to make passionate, although this time raunchy, love. We return to the table with torn shirts and crazy hair, lacking in pants. No one adjusts their demeanor, as this is to be expected. We are ready to go home.
As we make our swift departure the crowd asks me to wait. They ask me, "Would you please play us a tune?" I reluctantly, as thoroughly exhausted as I am, take a seat on the piano bench. My wife picks up a guitar. Killian takes over base while Lily plays Violin. We then enthusiastically bust out with our hit single, 'Shweoom-Bop', as if we had intended to play it the entire time. They thank us as we head out on our way.
I tuck my children into bed before getting to bed myself. I tell them that I love them and Goodnight. My Baby Love and I copulate one last time before sleep. As another wonderful day in the life of Alec Parker Klein comes to a close, her lovely complexion is my last vision before drifting off into dreamland.
11:54 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment -
Josh
with complimentary coffee.
Posted by Josh on Nov 4, 2008 12:57 AM
[Reply to this]
EM♥ILY
You Mr. Alec Parker Klein have one truly amazing gift! :)
May all your hopes and dreams in life be fulfilled,
Much <3,
Your biggest fan :)
~em
ps…be cool …stay in school :P
Posted by EM♥ILY on Nov 4, 2008 7:44 AM
[Reply to this]
KamiSkye
oh my goodness, what a life worth living!
i laughed aloud several times :]
you seem to have a gift for writing mr.klien.
Posted by KamiSkye on Nov 4, 2008 10:22 PM
[Reply to this]
Tristan Pieper
There is only one thing wrong with that. Why are you driving and not enjoying a nice flight on your anti-grav back pack?
Posted by Tristan Pieper on Nov 5, 2008 12:36 AM
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