My mum no longer trusts me
At the beginning of the year i came across a bebo site that i thought belonged to this kid i knew when i was younger
His profile said that he was about 17
His msn address was on his bebo so i added him
His name is Corey
We started talking and one night when my friend Kelly was over we rang him

It turned out he was at his best friend Brendens place for a small party that they were having
After that i started talking to Brenden and Brenden spent less time talking to Corey
As Brenden and i started talking even more he got really attached to me and rang me every day
I spilt my heart out to this guy and he did the same to me
He told me about how he had attempted suicide and felt unwanted
He had always had problems with school, work and even told me about how he was into weed
Told me about how he hated his family life
How his mum was once a weed addict
He trusted me with his life

Corey had warned me that Brenden was falling for me and told me if i broke his heart that i would die
Corey was doing this trying to be a good friend to Brenden
I did the whole "yeah ok Corey, I'm not stupid enough to break a guys heart"
I spent most of my weekends with Brenden after that and Corey started to gt angry at me because Brenden was spending more time with me than all of his old friends
I told Brenden from the beginning that it was never going to go beyond friends but as we spent more time together he got even more attached
I never really paid attention to it all

When i spent my weekends at his parents place with him we would go to his friend Adams place where we would get on the piss
It was one of these nights that my life started to crumble

It was another of the nights that we had gone to Adams place
Adam was there with his friends Emily, Vincent, Jack and Andrew
They were all about 2/3 years younger than me with the exception of Adam who was only a couple of months younger than myself
We all got on the piss and after a while i was asked by Adam if i would make out with his friend Jack
I said no
After a few more shots of Jacks and a couple more vodkas Adam approached me again
This time he kissed me
After that i then agreed to kiss his friend Jack
It just so happened that Brenden walked in while Jack and I had our lips locked
Brenden got jealous and walked off
Adam followed him and after a while Emily came back and told me that I should just kiss Brenden
It was what he wanted but he was now my best friend and i knew that if i did do it that he would get the idea that i wanted more than a friendship
I couldnt do it
Jack kissed me again not long after this and Brenden was no where to be seen
I finally decided to go and find Brenden
It was my fault he had disappeared after all
I found him after a while sitting on the ground with Adam and Emily
He told me that he had seen me with Jack and then out of no where he just got angry
He ran off on me again
This time i followed
He was after Jack this time and i knew it
So did Emily and Adam as they were after him as soon as i was
Brenden found Jack sitting on the bed and punched him in the face so hard that his head hit the wall behind
Brenden took off home and i followed

When we got back to his place he went off into his room and i went to where i was sleeping for the night
Next morning i couldnt stand to be to close to him
I felt bad in a way
I rang mum and told her to come get me
She never asked why i rang her so early
I went home and thought about nothing else for the next 2 days

Brenden rang me the next day when i got home from school
We talked for a while then he told me about how he was talking to Corey again
He had told Corey about what i had done
Brenden then told me something i wish i never have to hear again
From anyone
He told me that the night after what i had done he had attempted suicide
I had given him so much hope
Something to live for
I was the reason he had changed from a person who wanted to end it all to a person who was now going to uni and was doing the things he loved again
I had changed him, gotten his life back on track and then i took it all away

We talked for a few more days then he told me something else i didnt want to hear
I had assumed that he had seen me kiss Adam (his best friend) but he hadnt
Vincent had seen him at the bus stop that day and they talked about it
Vincent brought up that i had kissed Adam
Brenden of course was shocked
Adam knew that Brenden loved me but it was Adam who kissed me first

After Brenden told me that he knew that i had not only kissed a guy i hardly knew but also his best friend things went from bad to worse
Corey had already told me that if i broke Brendens heart he would kill me
They all had my email address and my phone number so i started getting abusive phone calls at 2am
Corey also told me that he was gonna get me bashed
Eventually i got a new number but i was still get phone calls on my old number that now belonged to my younger sister but this time it was from an unknown number
We eventually found out that it was Brendens new number and my mum told him not to ring it anymore

He hasnt talked to me since then
That was about 2 months ago
I still think about Brenden
He was my best friend
I trusted him more than anyone else in this world
I still cant believe that he let those people do that stuff to me
He had let me spend 3 months not knowing what to and letting me blame myself for what he had nearly done
I was afraid to go to and from school as they knew where i lived and what school i went to
I lived in fear for 3 months
I still spend my days wondering if i really am a bad person
I cant get it out of my head
It effects how i react to my friends
It effects my grades
It effects my relationships
It effects every aspect of my life
I dont want to go and get councilling and have to put it all behind me
What i lost when i lost his friendship can never be replaced and i dont want it to go away and be forgotten
But i need it to go away so i can get on with my life
I'm not sure what to do anymore