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| Being to proud, and giving in asking for help |
I walked in I filled out piles of papers I cant believe Im doing this, stop, turn around, do I really want to be on welfare?????? No, yes, maybe . . . .put your head up and breathe I said . . . . yes it will be ok . . . . well that was about a month ago and here is alittle on how this came about . . ..
So, second blog and this time there is actually something interesting, M and I have lived a very comfortable lifestyle, we have owned our own company, and he has had many jobs that have paid well. We own our own house that we bought 5 years ago. We have two nice cars bought again about 5 years ago and he also has a bike that he loves. But things have not been what they used to, you see he used to travel for his job and I watched his son while he was gone, there were times when we would only see him once a month or so, and I was getting tired, and angry and all we would do is fight when he got home. I ending up going to a trade school to become a dog groomer and decided that I would work so I had something to do, I waited to go to college, and didn't feel at the time it was the right thing for me.
I worked as a dog groomer for a year or so when I realized I wanted more but to my dismay I couldn't go to school with a young child at home and no one to watch him, I felt that I needed to be there for him more than antything at this time because his father was always away and his mother considered him more of an convience than anything else. I figured my role as a parent would be the only one he would see, until I have M a choice his job, or his family and without much thought at all M chose us.
When this happened he had to take a significant pat cut in trying to manage staying home and actually being a part of the family, which in turn made our relationship better, and more important his son was beginning to feel like he had two parents again. I worked as did he and we arranged times that we could be there so there was no babysitter involved. But this grew thin and before we knew it our savings was gone and our house was about be foreclosed on. We were fortunate enough to be able to keep our house due to a modification in our mortgage, but our cars, and credit cards were still on the line, food was getting hard to buy and our lives seemed to crumble every step we took, we no longer had to luxery of going out to eat or a night on the town we were stuck, in a deep, dark hole of debt and hardship.
We managed to talk to some debt counceling places to get our bills back on track but through these last 2 years we have struggled to keep these things that was once taken advantage of. Some may say well . . . sell your cars and your bike and keep the house, but when you look at the amount owed vs the amount that we could sell these items for now it would be a complete loss, and we would be paying on something that we no longer have.
I decided a year ago that I would go back to school to become a Nurse, so far I have completed 3 semesters with a A average. I am almost these T is old enough where he can stay home for a couple house by himself and most of the classes are when he is in school anyway. I am not working as much as I would like to only because the Nursing program at school is tough to get in and they don't arrange it around your schedule you meet theres and thats the bottom line, so with limited imcome and just enough to pay our bills I decided to swallow my pride and go down to the Department of Human Services, I applied for food assistance.
I was raised in a financialy stable home, i was spoiled up until the drama with my parents and I was spoiled when M had the stinky job that made good money. I took advantage of everything . . . I wish I could go back and re live those times and put money where it supposed to be . . .
I thought to myself number one do I REALLY need this help, is there any other way do I really want to do this? I thought long and hard about it and could not come up with one reason not to besides feeling stupid, or low or scum of the earth when I paid for my food with food stamps. THen I thought well . . . i know plenty of people that have not even tried to get a job and that are living off the government and have been all thier lives, and then there is people like myself who have worked and my fiance who works 50 hours a week to make just enough money to scrap by and lets me fullfill my dreams. I also work as much as I can but for those who know nursing classes are very demandinjg and take up to 40 hours a week just in clinical time. So I came to the conclusion that this has to be short term and I will use that money and look at it as a blessing use the extra money that I no longer have to use for groceries and pay my electric on time so it doesn't get shut off again, or my water so it doens't get shut off, there are plenty of ways that I can use this extra money, good ways i might add.
It took a LONG time for the dhs to get back to me and once they did I found out that I am going to get 84.00 a month it may not seem like a lot but like I said before even 5.00 is better than nothing 84 dollars that I can pay something else with is more than I could ever ask for.
Now my pride, as I mentioned before I was worried about my pride which I know sounds selfish but I have come to conclusion that my head will remain high, it is going to be tough using that card for the first time but I know deep down inside that I am a good person who is trying, I know that M sacrificed for us his family and is doing the best he can while still being a great dad and a wonderful fiance. I know that I am trying to better myself through school and still working as much as I can to help support my family and you can bet the minute M gets a call on a nother job that pays more or I finish school that 84.oo will go to someone else in need.
I am sharing this because I have heard some pretty low comments about people on welfare and yes you are right some people take total advantage of the goverment and don't put forth effort in trying to better themselves but there are also people like me who really need the help and am doing everything they can to be good poeple, financially stable, good parents, and citizens. Please don't judge we don't know eachothers stories . . . .
I once took advantage of the things I had, and now I ask that you look at what you have and not to pass judgement on me, because I need help. Just look deeper sometimes when stories are untold and judgements are made we ourselves are the only ones that are looked upon bad.
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Posted by Heatmecry84 on 2009-11-07 23:44:21 | Rating: | Views: 28
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