I knew my son Reggie's father, Abel for many years before we were together. I knew Abel through my friend (at that time, that relationship would end because of Abel). Her boyfriend and Abel were brothers. I knew his whole family. Parents, Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc. His extended family is full of very nice, caring and sweet people. His Mom was studying to be a Pastor for crying out loud. About 3 months into our relationship, Abel's father died. There were signs that I just didn't see. I believed Abel's lies because I was too caught up in being "in love" with him. If I supported him and stood by him, then he would have to love me in return right? So I let Abel explain so many things away. The night I found condoms in the pocket of his pants (I was on the pill then so we weren't using them) I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me but I let Abel explain it away and I fell for it. There were so many situations that happened that I let him tap dance his way out of it.

When Abel and I started dating I had a decent paying job, shared an apartment with my sister, Chelsea and her baby daughter Tara, had just bought my first new car. By the end of my relationship with Abel, I would have a ghetto apartment, was holding onto my job by a thread and no vehicle. I would have alot of debt and a baby boy to raise.

Abel had developed an addiction to crack. I grew up in the country in a family where drugs weren't an issue. I had friends that would smoke weed but I never did. Mostly because I have never been the type to not have control over myself (Ironic huh?) I've never been "sloppy drunk" I don't enjoy it. I don't judge other people for their choices, I just make my own. The funny thing about that is that the entire time Abel and I were together he tried to get me to drink or smoke weed constantly. Abel never tried to push crack on me though- probably because he didn't want to share.

Arguing over Abel's crack addiction had become a daily thing. When I returned to work from my maternity leave, we were living in a ghetto apartment and Abel had no job so he stayed home with the baby during the day while I worked. That lasted for about 7 weeks. I would call my house constantly all day. One day I called and Abel never answered. I panicked and left work early. I got home to discover Reggie sleeping soundly in his swing and his father asleep on the couch. Something was funny though. What was wrong with this situation? I walked around my house. The day before I had taken all of my Government checks for the month and picked up Reggie's formula. All 8 cans. There was only 1 on the shelf. Where were the rest? I looked everywhere. Tore that house apart. Waking Abel up in the process. "Where's the baby's food?" After a few minutes of silence Abel looked at the floor and told me it was gone. At some point during those few short hours that I was at work, he had taken my child and all of my childs food, and sold it for drugs. Either that, or he left my child alone while he went and sold my child's food for crack. Either way was UNACCEPTABLE. At that point something inside me died for Abel. It would only get worse from there. The first change was daycare. Reggie was in a daycare the next week. I would not go to work until he was in a safe place when he couldn't be with me. I still didn't have an official escape plan, I just new that this wasn't going to get better.

You would think that selling his son's food would shame Abel into getting help for himself? Nope. He would just find other things in the house to sell. My tv's, stereos, cd's, dvd's, video's, cell phone's. Pretty much everything that wasn't nailed down. My paychecks were another constant battle. I would plan them to the dollar of what I needed to pay for. Rent, electricity, phone, food, diapers for my son, clothes for my son, laundry. What I would always be blindsided by was the fact that Abel was spending my paychecks too. He would rack up drug debt with various little hood rats who would be there, pounding on my door the night I received my paychecks. I would have to hand over $100 or more. Why did I give it up? To protect Reggie and me. Fear is a strong motivator.

For the first 2 years of our relationship Abel kept his hands to himself. Our son was 8 or 9 months old the first time Abel hit me. We were arguing over something, I don't remember the details now. More than likely it was his drug addiction and what it was doing to our life. I was sitting on my sofa, crying as usual. My baby son was asleep. Something I said to Abel sent him charging at me. He punched me in my head. Three times. My world shattered like a glass right then.

Here was a man that I devoted myself too. Had a son with. Given everything that I have and everything that I am, and he just hit me. It would get worse from there. Abel's crack addiction made him paranoid. Abel would wake me up in the middle of the night - I had a man hiding under the bed. I would have to get up so Abel could flip up the mattress and look for himself. One night he stood my sofa up on its end and took a knife to the bottom and back of it, literally gutting it out. Why? That was where my lover was hiding. I wasn't allowed to go to bed in the dark. The light from the closet had to be on and its door opened so Abel could look in and make sure I was alone. He would often still turn on the light and interogate me too, but if I dared to go to sleep in the dark, there would be hell to pay. Daily bickering and the hitting became more painful. Slapping, shoving, punching, kicking. Reggie's sleep wasn't immune to Abel's paranoia either. The worst battles that Abel and I would get into would be when he would turn the light on in my son's room during the night after waking me up. Tearing apart his dresser, toy chest, closet and curtains looking for my secret mystery boyfriend.

I begged Abel's Mom to help me, to help her Grandchild. This woman - who gave birth to this man, who was studying to be a Pastor for her Baptist church looked me in my face and said NO. Why? I believe now that it was because her husband, Abel's late father had a crack problem too. She just couldn't face the fact that her son had become the monster that she had had to endure throughout her marriage to his father. What I cannot forgive is that she left her Grandson to fend for himself with his father's demons. Demons that she knew all about first hand. To this day, I can't forgive her for that and I don't know if I will ever be able to.

The morning that I was woke up at 5am by being punched in my head because Abel had been out wandering the streets all night getting high and came back to my house thinking the bedroom smelled like sex (I had actually had a few hours of uninterupted sleep) was the beginning of the end. Before me and Reggie would leave the house that morning, I would have a sprained nose and a twisted ankle. That day, my girlfriend Trudy- Reggie's Godmother and my best friend since the 7th grade - took me to the family court where I applied for sole custody. I had already decided that I needed to get my son and myself out of that situation before something irreversible happened. The next days were the scariest of my life.

For months I had lived like a hostage. Allowed to go to work because Abel demanded money. I was starting to be more angry than scared. Why didn't I just take Reggie and run? This man had already stolen so much from me and my child. Everything we had left in the world was in that house. My house. Not Abel's. MINE. Abel had nothing. More than me, MY CHILD had already lost too much because of this man. I wanted Abel to leave my house. It sounds so weak to people I'm sure and I know that people wonder that "If you were so afraid for your life and the safety of your child, why wouldn't you just run for it while you can?" my mind was stuck on this: when you have already been robbed of so many special important things over so much time by someone, leaving whats left, no matter how much it is, becomes harder to wrap your mind around.

Then something amazing happened. I met someone. Another man. Wilson.  Every weekday I was allowed to leave to my house for work, me and Reggie took the bus to his daycare/my job. The day Wilson smiled at me I literally looked behind me to see who he was looking at. I wasn't too confident in myself at that point. I wore no makeup ( it wasn't allowed) I had circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I wore bangs to try to cover up as much of my face as possible. One Monday morning, Wilson sat next to me and my baby and asked me how my weekend was. I couldn't speak, my eyes just filled up with tears. My weekend? Hell on earth. I wasn't allowed to sleep in my bed. He poured water all over the mattress to keep me off of it. When I tried to stop him, he slammed me upside the head with the pitcher (concussion) when I put up a fight after that I was choked. I literally had his finger prints in bruises all over my throat. I lifted my head up and showed Wilson the bruises on my neck. His eye's got wide and all he could say was "Damn!"

Here was this man. Sweet, funny, sexy, smart and handsome and he was looking at me. Why the hell was I wasting my life living like this? Wilson and I started talking and continued to talk and get to know each other for a few days. I needed out of my hostage situation before I could move on with another man. Why was I willing to jump so fast into something else? There was a connection that even now, 3 years later, Wilson and I still share. Our love is deep. We have been through alot and came through it together. I don't wonder or doubt Wilson's feelings for me. I don't spend my time convincing myself that our life is something other than what it seems. This is a mature love. A real tangible love. How can I know for sure? No matter what, whether we stay together or not, I want Wilson's happiness. He wants mine. When you can honestly look at someone and know that even if they are not "with" you, you want them to find happiness regardless, thats real love.

Days after I met Wilson, I finally got the courage to just make that clean break. I borrowed Trudy's car, took Reggie to Chelsea's house (he'd be safe there) and went home for what I was determined would be the last time. If I had to walk away from my possessions just to live a normal life, then so be it.  It took me a while to come to that conclussion.  I wanted my sons clothes etc. and some for myself. Wilson wanted to come with me but I didn't think that was a good idea. For one thing, Abel had spent nearly our entire relationship accusing me of cheating on him. Nothing had happened yet between me and Wilson, I wouldn't give Abel the satisfaction of thinking that he was right. Not to mention that Wilson could bench 250 pounds and by this point Abel didn't even weigh 150. The chances that Abel would hit me and Wilson would reach out and snap his neck were too strong. So, I took Chelsea's bony-boyfriend Ty, with me. I had told Wilson that I would meet him when it was over and that if I didn't show by a certain time, it didn't go well.

It was about as ugly as I expected it to be and then some. I told Abel that he and I needed to be parents together but that was all there was to it. He didn't care for me, he didn't even like me and all the feelings that I had for him had been beaten out of me too many times. I went into Reggie's room to get some clothes, Abel followed me and struck me from behind. Sent me flying into the crib, breaking one of the sides. I still didn't give up though. Ty kept pulling him off of me, didn't stop Abel from hitting me though. I went to walk past Abel into the living room and he grabbed me by my hair and punched me in the jaw. I still didn't give up. I had finally had enough. Abel stood in front of the door and wouldn't let me go out of it. I told Abel that it had to stop, it had to end. I stood my ground. Abel walked into the kitched and I turned to look at him. He grabbed a steak knife from the strainer and walked toward me. I couldn't move. I was literally too terrified to move. When Abel walked past me and out the door I grabbed the bag for Reggie and went out too. Abel was outside slashing the tire on Trudy's car. I just ran around to the drivers side door and he tried to grab me. I didn't realize that the knife had snapped off and broken in the tire, I thought Abel still had it in his hand and I was screaming trying to get the door open and get into the car. Abel was hitting me and pulling at her car keys that I was holding in my hand. I finally got the car door open, shut and locked it behind me. I was trying to get the key in the ignition but he had bent it when he was trying to yank the keys from my hand. He stood there outside the car window screaming and yelling at me and I could see the rage in him. All I was thinking was fix the key, start the car and GO. Abel made a fist, pulled back and punched through Trudy's driver side window to get to me. Punched me in the side of my head that had glass all over it and Abel had glass on his hand too. I was too stunned to move at first. Covered in glass, bleeding from my cuts. A phone was ringing. Trudy's cell phone was in her car.I finally heard it and looked at it. Chelsea was calling it. I hit the talk button and became hysterical. Told her I was covered in glass and blood. She hung up and called the cops. One of the kids from my block - the teens that sell drugs to people like Abel - came running up to the car and asked me if I was ok. I just shook my head and kept screaming and crying. Abel went back in the house and returned only to find himself face to face with that kid and alot of the other kids from the neighborhood that were surrounding him. I could hear them yelling at him about putting his hands on a female. Then the cops rolled up. Four cop cars. I switched to anger. I got out of the car and kept screaming at Abel "You didn't have to do this!" "All you had to do was let me go!" The cops handcuffed Abel and put him in the car.

I still had to face Trudy and tell her about the damage Abel did. She was blowing up her cell phone by then. I finally answered it and all I could say was "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" over and over. Of course she pressed charges for what Abel did to her car. Chelsea called me back and I asked her to call Wilson for me and tell him what happened and that I was ok. I gave her the number, he told her thanks for calling him and he needed to go and see for himself that I was ok. By then I was sitting on the steps to the building. There was still a crowd and police. I seen him pushing his way through people. It was like a movie moment - I just threw myself into his arms. He turned around to face the police car and make eye contact with Abel, handcuffed in the backseat of it. He held me so tight. For the first time in such a long time I felt safe. He yelled over top of every other noise - "You AINT NEVER GONNA HURT HER AGAIN!".

The cops took Abel away. I went back inside my house and noticed that my tv was broken on the living room floor. I called Chelsea to check on my baby. I looked around at what was left of my apartment and the mess. I turned and looked at Wilson. I had cuts and scrapes on my head. My jaw was swollen and sprained. I looked like hell but I felt like HEAVEN! I breathed deep and SMILED. I was FREE. No more violence. No more fear. Reggie was safe. I was safe. WE WERE FREE.

Abel was charged with harassment 2nd for what he did to me. Some vandalism charges for what he did to Trudy's car. Abel was fined for Trudy's charges, pleaded out 30 days and given a 3 year restraining order to stay away from me for mine. Of course, Abel had other warrants for other counties so he spent about 6 months in jail. Since Abel's release we have had minimal contact because of our son. He moved about 50 miles away from where me and Reggie live. Abel's life is still a battle. He has been in and out of rehabs. Been arrested for putting his hands on other women in relationships he's had since and for various other charges.

My life isn't perfect but the one thing that I have not taken for granted since that night is my freedom. Freedom to do what I like, say what I want and feel how I choose.