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It's been a while since i've posted a new entry! Reason: Super busy. We've got two japanese boys staying with us on the weekends now, i'm trying to finish all my exams, ready for summer, preparing and attending meetings for Haiti, trying to please the parents and the friends, and so on.
So lately i've realized that i'm like living differently from other people, and it's seems hard. So i'm going to be totally open and honest to anyone who skims this or reads it or whatever.
-Side note: To any of you who ever read this, thanks. It makes me feel good to know that people actually read my crap even if they don't care. :)
So feel loved that i'm being open with you, because i usually bottle things up, the bad things. People just think i'm funny and have an awesome life all the time. Buuut that's not how it goes, but i do play it off well. ;)
Do you ever feel like you have two separate lives? Because i totally do.
One side: I attend youth group, church, missions trip, help others, try my best to please my parents, practice my piano, bring home good grades and projects to show off, i give other people advice, i keep my reputation clean, i pray, i give things away. I'm a good person really. I mean i know a lot about my religion and if you ever go in a debate with me about it, i'd probably get pretty aggressive because i know a lot about it, haha.
On the other hand..
The flip side: When i'm not attending youth group i'm finding parties with my friends, when i'm not at church i'm sleeping in from a being hung over or i'm somewhere i'm not supposed to be, when i'm on missions trips i feel like i'm making up for my bad things, I do my best to try and please my parents, yes, but i hide a ton from them. I bring home good grades and projects.. which i cheated off of. I'm a good person really, but not. I've tried certain things before i shouldn't have. People in my classes or at lunch love to listen to my stories about my crazy weekends with guys and my two best friends. I've had insane parties like in the movies while my parents were out of town. And although i love God so much, i can't seem to stick with the 'wait until your married' rule.
Yes, i have felt bad about some of the things i've done. And yes, even though i do those things, i really do enjoy going to youth group and going on missions trips. And you are probably thinking 'wow that's so mess up and wrong in so many ways.'
But all those things i have done and i do are me. And they made me who i am today, i have this thing where i think every happens for a reason. I don't know i just love having fun, which some people think may be in the wrong ways, but i just like having a good time and i love doing great things that people look at as 'good' as well. Everything i've done is me, and people love me and i love myself too. I used to be so uptight and think i was so ugly when i was younger. And as i got older i experienced new things, and grew out of my awkward stage into someone i really love.
So yes, sometimes i feel like i'm living two different lives, but then i think no this is who i am, it's not that i'm living two different lives. It's that some people on the one side of my life have different views than me on other things. It's just like there's two different people inside me, one that is passionate about what she believes and just has the deepest desires to help and serve God. And the other just is so curious, wants to have so much fun, and is mysteriously adventurous.
This is who i am, i guess take it or leave it?
I love getting comments. Why? Because i get to see your opinions, good or bad, i wanna know. And it makes me more likely to go read you blogs and comment. :)
So your question is, do you ever feel like you're living two different lives?
-it's Hannah yo.
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Posted by Hannahyo on 2008-06-08 21:38:26 | Rating: | Views: 82
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I completely feel how you feel. I have a double life in so many ways. At school most people think I'm nice & sweet & innocent, but outside of school I'm a complete wild child. I'm not exactly proud of most of the things I've done, but I agree with you completely, those bad things make a person who they are. & If someone can't take you at your worst; then they don't deserve you at your best.
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Posted by toxicmeg09
on 2008-06-09 07:55:48
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It's all about balance for me. I don't feel guilty about partying and hanging with friends until it starts affecting the way I do business. I try not to get too drunk when I know I have a lot to do the next day; hangovers suck!
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Posted by bigtime5
on 2008-06-09 23:58:23
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