Tears choke my soul, grasp my throat yet will not flow. Pride holds these liquid omissions at bay for there is no cause to the sadness my heart feels. Drift into another world away from here, go smoke I say yet the supply is spent. Not another night of tears, not again, help me escape from myself! Save me from unspeakable, unimaginable sadness. Life is beautiful, perfect, and wonderfully on track so why do I feel so continually empty? Have I hidden a traumatic experience so deep into myself that this is the only way of dealing? Logic searches for the cause for there must be a cause to cry, right? Oh God, how deep into this misery will I fall tonight? Surround me with people dear God so I can pretend to be the happiest person in the room. Give me my stage again tonight not tomorrow, now so I can hide behind my mask. Give me something so I am not here alone with myself trying so desperately hard to not give way to these huge tears which are threatening to flow at every key stroke. Turn the sink on, sit on the toilet and hope no one asks why it is that I cry for I have being trying to figure it out since before I can remember. Where is my savior, my help? Why are tears my lullaby every night? Where did I mess up, misstep to be here in this position? I need help I can not keep this act up forever my heart is tearing in two. Help me dear God, hear my prayer and help me! I will listen and do anything to experience a night without misery…. I am left with the same answer, same state who can help save me but myself. Its ok, yes it truly is because tomorrow it will be another show of the happiest person you have ever met until the night creeps in….but I must sleep now until tomorrow, sleep the nights away don’t let the night creep in, sleep before my mind slips back into it’s true self. Sleep before anyone else so I am not left alone with myself. Sleep the precious savior of my soul, now if only this worked on the tearful car rides I can only imagine what people think when I brake next to them. Thinking possibly the death of a close friend or relative has degraded me to my choking sobs, if only they knew the truth. But alas isn’t that why I act the way I do, try so hard to be the way I am in public so not the slightest glimpse can be taken into my soul of torment. Ugh, I am disgusted with myself, crying the way I am. I can not do this anymore tonight, writing has only made me feel the hopelessness in such a sever way that if I don’t go to sleep now there might not be a tomorrow for these hazel eyes.