A couple more dayz passed and shit has been crazy I have been thinking about alot of shit. I havent had sex in like 4 days my husband as a new WIFE and thats his poker game on the computer. He ignores me and treats me like shit when he is mad at the computer. I dont know but he does not hold me anymore or anything I dont know if his feelings have reall changed for me or if its just me and I cant that  he would just use me cuz we have a kid together. Cuz he hastole me once before that he is only with me cuz of our son so right know I am having mixed signal and dont know wut to do. Somtimes I would say just kill myself and everything would be fine no more crys or scared of the next time I will get hit or kicked out of my house I have to be scared to breath or do anything. I will do  something and do it wrong in my husbands eyes so the next time I do it I would do it  the opposite way and I would still get yelled at I dont know wut to do or say anymore. I am stuck in this world and dont know how to make it better it just get worst. I am just hoping that one day he wont get to mad and try to kill me or somthing cuz then I would have a lil boy without a mom or without the person that loved him most