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A New Start: Day 10

Help! I am struggling today. My depression seems out of control, I am quarreling with my husband, and I feel like eating everything in sight! On top of that, I didn't exercise at all today. I convinced myself that I was too busy, yet I found time to mess around on Facebook for quite a while. Here's the scenario: I argue with my husband, which makes me upset, so I tell myself I might as well gain more weight because it doesn't matter anyway, then I eat, then I feel guilty for the emotional eating, so I get more depressed, and on and on the cycle goes. It's almost as though I am sabotaging myself. Oh yeah, my fibromyalgia has been bothering me for the past couple days, too, and that certainly doesn't help matters.

I keep telling myself that I can get back on track, but I wish that I wasn't getting off track so often to begin with. And, it's only been a week and a half! I'm feeling so frustrated that I don't have better will power or more strength, or whatever I think I need to succeed. Of course, I know all these thoughts are self-defeating, but knowing that intellectually is so very different from really feeling and acting on it. I felt so good about how things have been going just a couple days ago. It is amazing how quickly everything can change.

Now I am two days into the current week and have accomplished no minutes of exercise yet, which means I only have 5 days left to get in my 150 minutes. It is very do-able, as long as I keep myself on track.

I am planning on posting a photo of myself, and then updating the photo every month as a kind of time-lapse record of my efforts. I am hoping that this visual record will encourage me to continue once successes are seen. Hopefully I will get the first photo up tomorrow.

So are we making a toast today? I think we should, to continue the tradition. Let's raise a bottle of water and toast to overcoming self-defeating negative thoughts. Now I need to get some sleep so I will be ready for tomorrow.

Posted by Gaining_by_Losing on 2009-11-03 03:12:52 | Rating:

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Dear Gaining_by_Losing,
Yes it sounds as though you are trapped in that visious circle that is oh so bi-polar.
The one and only thing I acn tell you from personal experience is this;
" there is no way for you to really gain control over your life until you are able to admitt that you really don't have any control."
It has taken me forty plus years to find that out, and once I submitted to my own inabilities I finally gave in and got some professional help.
Yeah it was completely humiliating to admitt that I had no control over myself, but once I finally did, I got the help I needed and they put me on the path to self respect, and self esteem.
Yes I had to take their stupid meds for a while, but in time I was able to control my life without the help of pills.
What I had found out is that depression is a symptom of my brain sending either too many signals, or not enough. It's the same as having a broken nerve in that you can't make your fingers snap if the nerve that lets you do so is not sending the right signals to your fingers.
Afer a number of year on the meds, I was able to go off them, and I was able to control my depression by recognizing it before it got me down.
Don't get me wrong, because I still get depressed now and then, but it is for a good reason, and not just something out of the blue.
For instance my daughter died in January 2001 and every year on the anniversery of her passing I get depressed, and that's good.
But just because my day hasn't gone the way I had hoped for never depresses me anymore.
I wish you all the best in your quest to loose weight, and I hope that you can find it within yourself to get some professional help someday when you're ready for it.

Posted by jwcj on 2009-11-03 03:33:29

I really dont know why when people get depressed they eat everything in sight but i do hope you can get on track and disciplined enough to lose weight. With our generation, people are more into what they see. I mean, its a also a factor to boost our self-confidence. I am also planning to enroll myself in a gym class but i am too tired to work out. I hope i can early next month. You just keep focus and you are right, take a picture of yourself. it will help you to be more motivated.

Posted by jhazz_32 on 2009-11-03 04:25:07