I read somewhere yesterday, a person asking questions about time. Why can one minute seem like nothing, but then on other occasions feel like an eternity? Why does it fly when you have fun? Is there a point you can reach where you are having SO much fun, that time disappears altogether?
Is there some reason why the only 2 guys who have ever rejected me remind so much of each other?
Is there a reason that on my 21st birthday i woke up and FELT like a different person? Surely the idea that I am now, in the eyes of society, an "adult", doesnt change someone that much.
I am afraid the biggest question that is to remain unanswered in my life is Him. To be perfectly honest with anyone who reads this; i am sick of talking about it, sick of hearing about it and most of all sick of thinking about it, because for two years He consumed my thoughts so entirely that i thought i might go mental! Truth be told i think i wanted to talk about him so much. The silly thing with me and him is that, when it was good, it was great, but when it was bad it was horrific.
I can talk myself out of wanting him pretty easily. Then a in a few days, my mind will wander back to it, just like it always does. So, i have set a goal for myself. He is away at sea for 2.5 months. He's already been gone for 6 weeks so i only need to last another 4 until i reach my first goal.
I hope he doesnt hate me. I know i said to him to leave me alone for a while, to no contact me until i was over it. But im afraid when im ready to talk to him again he wont want to have anything to do with me. Part of me understands why that would be, its a selfish thing to do, god knows if he said that to me then i wouldnt want to talk to him, like, "oh hey, im over you now we can be friends" - lol, no. But an even bigger part of me is hoping, not just hoping, but praying that he can be bigger than that and be friends with me.
There are other men who want me, better men, but tbh, im not sure i want anyone at all. Maybe i am TOO picky, none of them are going to be perfect. But i still feel like i shouldnt settle for less than i think i deserve.
x
|
|
| Views: 68
Email This to a Friend 
