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| Forgive and forget? I don't think so
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The long anticipated anniversary party for my parents is arriving shortly. I will have to face my demon, my grandfather. The man responsible for most of my failed relationships because i was unable to trust, so the ex bfs did what i was expecting them to, they cheated. I'm glad "Greg" is coming with me. I need him there for this. Not only will that shriveled up old pedofile be there, but the rest of my family who chose to ignore what happened will be there. I don't know how long i'll be able to sit there and smile and pretend everything is ok. I refuse to speak to him, I really wish he wasn't coming.
At age 12 this bastard decided he was going to sexually assult me. I actually told my mom the next day, I watched her cry in utter disbelief and watched my father get so angry he had to leave the house. They went to my grandfather's house that same day to speak with him. He denied all of it. For years he denied all of it. My mother's side of the family decided not to speak to me because they believed him over me. My brother decided not to believe it and so did my sister. My parents were there for me though.
At 15, my grandfather decides that 3 years of me being shut out of the family was enough (either that or he could not take his guilt anymore), he comes to our house sits myself and my parents down in our living room and confesses to what he had done. Decided he was going to tell my family the truth. As he stood up to leave, i stood up to go back downstairs to my room...he approached me and said "I hope you can forgive me, I just want my grand daughter back", I looked at him and said "not in a million years, what you've put me through in the last few years was utter hell and forgiving you would mean that this is something you'll forget about because you've heard the words you needed to hear you fogive yourself. I will not give you the pleasure of dying peacfully" and i spat at his feet and walked away. I have not spoken to him since, he was in the hospital for a while with lung cancer and i was the only one who didn't visit him there. I was hoping he would die. I lost my grandfather on my dad's side when i was very young, he was all i had left of a grandfather and he betrayed me. Since he confessed not once have i received an appolgie from any of my family for not believing me when i was telling the truth the whole time. My godmother, she was so cold to me after news got out of what he had done, and yet no appolgy, she called a while back asking if i would go to her wedding shower, she said i could just call my mom and let her know if i would be there...i answered with "i don't have to call my mom, i'm telling you right now i wont be there" and hung up. I was abandoned in my time of need by people who were supposed to be there for me the most, how am i supposed to just see them again and smile? How am i supposed to carry on a conversation with these people for hours in my parents' home without completely freaking out in anger? Without yelling,without expressing my true hurt and complete and total emotional pain? I don't know if i can do this.
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Posted by ForgottenOne on 2007-10-28 01:04:22 | Rating: | Views: 115
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I can't imagine your pain of your family turning their backs on you, and still not begging you for your forgiveness after learning you indeed told the truth. I can however remember the pain I felt as a 5 year old when my grandmothers brother in law decided I would be his next victim. I told my mother and she went to him and told him to stay away. She never told my Aunt (his wife)back then in 1965 it was taboo and just not talked about. For years when he would be my aunt to my grandmothers he stayed in the car, and she would always come in and say "John won't get out of the car, I don't know what's wrong with him." We all knew, and no one told her. We moved away when I was 11 years old, and when I returned to live in the same city, at my grandmothers house I saw his picture. I asked her "where does this bastard live." She quiety replied he had been dead for years, and that she was sorry I remembered. Then she told me that I was not the only one he had molested. My point here is, are you the only one? Chances are you are not. The way I see it you have a few options. You can go in there and be there for your parents-they supported you through it all-and hold your head up high. You won't be there for the one's that owe you an apology, you're there for your parents. If God forbid your grandfather approaches you, simply hold up your hand, and tell him, "Don't even think about it." Then turn and walk away. As far as the others, its their loss. Remember, you don't have anything to be ashamed of or to be sorry for. IF anything, they will be feeling guilty. Otherwise, you can explain to your parents that you won't feel comfortable and just not go. I think you owe it to yourself to go and show those people what a strong and wonderful woman you've become, to spite them all.
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Posted by Texyb
on 2007-10-28 12:06:44
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thanks texyb...i have actually decided to go, but i will not be staying long. I've already arranged for someone to come pick up me and my bf a few hours after we get there. I will make my appearance then take my leave
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Posted by ForgottenOne
on 2007-10-28 13:52:52
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