Thoughts.com Blogs - Feeling worse than before

View Blog

Feeling worse than before

Well, there you have it, the party is over and done with. My brother and sister must have called me about 10 times in the afternoon before I took my parents out for a movie to keep them busy. Apparently they think that i'm not capable of keeping my parents busy for a little while. We got to the party and there were so many people there to surprise them my mom started crying which was great because it meant she was happy, my dad as usual didn't say a whole lot, he never says a whole lot. The first person I noticed was my grandfather, he didn't even look at me the whole night, which was awesome for me, though it showed how guilty he felt about what he had done. My godmother said hi and that was it, even that was too much though, but i'm glad she left it at that. Most of the party came as a surprise to me though, i had nothing to do with the planning, i had no idea what was going to happen, so you might say it was a surprise party for my parents and myself. Apparently i got my parents a gift, didn't know what it was until they opened it. Then came the tost, all three of us were standing there, my brother said something, my sister said something, i tried to say something and was cut off by my sister and then my oldest nephew said something and that was that. My parents were cutting their cake and my sister stood right in front of me, knowing i was standing there. My bf and i went out for a smoke, came back in and i was trying to make my way to the washroom and my sister was coming towards me, there were people on either side of us and my sister just bulldozed her way through and just kept walking. My bf and i just sat to the side like we always do at family functions, it's all about my brother and sister and i don't exist. And of course the person i'm with doesn't exist either. So "Greg" and I left at around 8:30, no one really noticed, i said bye to my parents and went home. I haven't been to work in the past 2 days, for some reason, i don't know if it's from the 2 months of stress leading up to the party are finally gone now i'm physically and mentally drained, or if it's something else. The way my parents were with me and "Greg" kinda makes me want to go to xmas at home, but the more i think about how it's going to be, how i'm going to have to argue back and forth between my brother and sister as to who i'm going to get a drive with there and back, how "Greg" and I will be pushed aside again and it'll be all about my brother,my sister and my nephews all over again. My sister will poke fun at what i get her and my brother will pretend he likes it and then chuck it. It's never ever good enough for them. Why is it the always treat me this way? What is it that i've done that makes me deserve this kind of treatment from the people who are supposed to love me the most? I'll be going to work tomorrow, though today i could barely bring myself to get out of bed...i can't deal with the emotional crap day after day after day, and i can't deal with my siblings just bullying me and not giving a shit about me anymore. I have come to the decision already that i wont be there for Xmas, i will get my mom to come pick up the gifts and i'll stay home with my man, and our 3 cats...those 4 have been there for me more than my brother and sister combined. Fuck 'em, I don't need them, just thought that at our age we'd all be able to be adults.