Do you ever lay in bed praying and hoping for a miracle? This is something that I have been doing every single night, morning, and afternoon for the past month. So far, I have nothing to report.

It is so frustrating to want something so badly, and to not be able to have it. Sometimes it feels as though life is playing a mean nasty trick on you, and sometimes feels as though God is in on it just having a laugh.

I don't think I have ever been so frustrated in my life. It's like take one step forward and take two back. It doesn't help that I am beginning to feel those emotional freak outs, and the occasional nauseous feeling. Guess the baby is just making its presence known.

I'm to the point where I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I have reached my limit on being cool, calm, and collected. Well I was never that cool, calm, and collected, but compared to things now I was. I have a feeling of hopelessness, and that in and of itself is scary.

Next week I have my first official appointment about the baby. It should be an exciting time, but instead it's filled with sadness. Sadness that the father will not be able to be there to be a part of it. Who knows how many appointments he will have to end up missing, all because of a government who doesn't care about anyone or anything other than money.

That is so hard to swallow; knowing that your home country is full of nothing but money grubbing whores basically. They don't care that two people are married and in love. They don't care that they are expecting their first child together, they just plain and simple do not care!

So many people in this country are blind to what is actually going on, and that is sad. It isn't until you're actively involved in something that you see just how corrupt things truly are. It is so bad at this point in time, that I am actually almost ashamed to admit that I am an American.

Like I asked before, do you ever ask for miracles? Are they real, do they really exist? Seeing is believing!

As of now, I'm not a believer....................