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| I'm leaving on a JetPlane.
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so tomorrow i leave for "the bike trip". nine days of cycling in the ridiculously mountainous state of vermont.
i'm really not excited about the bike trip. it's my fifth year to do it, but i really just wish i could spend the last of my summer here with my friends. Especially with Ethan's death still haunting my dreams at night - i just really need to be here with people who love me and are going through the same things i am.
i haven't talked to sam in two days. this is bad. for me. it's good for him.
sam hates me. and he has a new girl now - sara. she's everything that i'm not.
pretty skinny blonde cool awesome fun - her parents freaking own beBop. she used to date the drummer from King Elementary.
i feel so completely insignificant when i compare myself to her, it makes me literally want to kill myself.
but i won't. because then i wouldn't get to see sam anymore. i have no idea why i'm so hung up on him.
i mean, i freaking have a boyfriend. i just can't get him out of my system. after ethan died, we all camped out at bessie's for like seven nights in a row. at night we would sit around on her back porch and sam would play the guitar while i sang. i liked to pretend like we were dating again, because we always used to sing/play together.
jake was supposed to call me tonight so we could hand out before i left, but i spent the past four hours at caroline's house with michael and caroline and madeleine, playing Star Wars on Playstation. i'm absolutely addicted. i still haven't packed yet.
i'm going to pack. now.
later tonight i'm posting a really interesting thought that i've been working on all day.
okay bye.
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Posted by FetaMouse on 2008-07-11 22:47:55 | Rating: | Views: 24
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