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I am an emotional roller coaster these past few days. I have bi polar and my moods fluctuate sometimes. Maybe all the time. I just try to make it through my life the best way I can. I have all this medication I have to take which I hate doing but if I miss a pill I am a total mess. And then sometimes I am a total mess anyway.
If I want my life to be different I have to change it. This I know. I just don't really know what to change it to. I sometimes spend hours on the internet researching things I am interested in or curious about. I love to research. Sometimes finding time to read the printouts is hard. At night, by the time I can read I am to tired. So it seems like my days consist of watching tv with my mom, and going out to the library or shopping for something we need. Now she is going away. We have a kind of unnatural relationship because we have been stuck in these situations like 'you and me against the world'. So even though I want some alone time I am like co-dependent on her because we have been around each other for years. Sounds weird I guess to be co-dependent on your mom. We've really been through some tough times. Now she is going to another state for a while to try to work things out with her husband. I'm left here with the grandparents who are totally oblivious to the world around them. I realize they are old and alot has changed since they were my age but instead of growing with the world they became stagnite in the past. I feel kind of bad for them. I feel kind of bad for me.
I am going to have some fun while my mother is gone. I am going to read, and draw. Maybe go to the park. I need to get my art career off the ground. But I don't want to think of it like that because then drawing becomes something of a job and not something I am enjoying. I love drawing.
I hope I haven't bored anyone out there. I am just thinking out loud sort of speak and feeling really volunerable putting my true inner most thoughts on here. |
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Posted by Faith on 2008-04-23 13:40:01 | Rating: | Views: 109
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Faith,have fun,you deserve it.I comment back,come to my blog~
Well wishes to you.
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Posted by Sober
on 2008-04-24 08:22:22
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All the best hunny-bunny. Enjoy your time with YOU, it's the most fun anyone can truly have. With yourself, by yourself..... am i making sense?
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Posted by Deana
on 2008-04-24 10:28:18
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when the cats away...
Im learning about bi polar
you have alot to deal with and I think you should be proud of yourself, it cant be easy...make sure you put that protective bar on before you ride that roller coaster of your life, do not forget the importance of your meds.
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Posted by roe
on 2008-04-24 13:20:33
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You are a very nice person. I hope for all the best for you. I always look forward to your blogs. Don't worry about putting your inner most thoughts on here. I know you have read mine and I put some bad things on here that happened to me.
Take care of you. Maybe your mom will learn to take care of her. Sounds like you do have a neat relationship with her. I wish I had one with my mom.
Best wishes from Fancie
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Posted by Fancie
on 2008-04-30 11:09:24
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Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I really love you guys.
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Posted by Faith
on 2008-05-01 13:07:50
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Faith,
you are so sweet. I hope you have a great day to yourself..I love my alone time too..And always keep reaching for the paint brush when life is too crazy....Take care sweetie...
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Posted by Hollis
on 2008-05-01 18:45:25
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