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| Times of Transition: Feeling Uncomfortable |
Lately I have been in a space of "transition" as so many of us have been. I find myself questioning which path I should take, even questioning my current choices I had made that brought me up to this point in my journey.
I have been reading different intuitive insights from different healers, astrologers, etc. as to why this is happening to so many of us - for the most part, the message is somewhat the same. I have been gathering that the prodominant message is this:
We are now in a time to figure out what we AUTHENTICALLY want to create for ourselves.
When I first gathered this main message that I have been receiving from so many, I didn't really know what that meant in entirety. My thoughts were that I had *thought* that I was doing what I authentically wanted to do..yet as I listened to a Hayhouse author this week give a reading to a fellow human being going through the same thing as I, this theory started to make more sense to me.
Robert Ohotto, the Hayhouse author I had mentioned, recently (in his latest radio show on Acceptance) did a reading for someone who called in. She was in a similar situation - a time of transition, not sure which way to turn, what her purpose was, etc. Robert mentioned different aspects of what his intuitive insight was, yet there was something he said that stood out to me in particular.
He mentioned to her that in the past, she had chosen jobs and a career in the eyes of her mother and father, rather than herself. When I heard him speak of this, I had thoughts, "How cliche' of me to think that"..yet once I started to look deeper into the past decisions I had made, I knew why this started to stand out to me.
When I journaled about this, I started to see what aspects of the healer were my mother and father and perhaps why I had decided to take this on as a career - for them, not for myself, in entirety. I had thoughts that perhaps I was trying to "heal" them by devoting my life to other people's healings..to a degree showing my parents that I was "worth it" (because in the past I had struggled quite a bit with low self worth). The thoughts were flying through my head!
As I pondered the thoughts deeper, memories arose.
My Mom had always wanted to be a psychic and a healer. As a child, she would hold up playing cards and see if I could psychically guess what the cards were. My father sort of "trained" me in the spiritual counseling and contribution aspect when I was in my mid-teens. Both of my parents never really decided to do what it is they had always wanted to do, nor felt as if they could (in my perception) - perhaps they were gearing myself and my sister up to pursuing some of their desires through us?
Then, I thought, NO ONE is to blame. There is only "shame in the blame game" and regardless of what my parents taught me or thought, I am the one that chose the path(s) that I did.
Either way, it was a great new perspective and outlook to see what it is that I authentically want to create for myself, not in the eyes of my parents, my community, the economy, etc.. Another question that I read from Karen Bishop of Emerging Earth Angels was, "Regarding your life purpose: What have you always found yourself doing, or have always been interested in, for a very long time, which has never left you today? What activity do you do, or passion do you have, that continually brings you back to yourself and places you in an immediate comfort zone? What do you find yourself doing without regard to any outcome or for any particular reason?".
This was such a great question for me. Ever since I was a child, dancing has always been there. This year, I had decided to put "the performer" on the shelf temporarily because building both my business AND training/performing was too taxing on my body. I wanted to give my business a chance to see how I could build it, ALONE, without any other distractions. Yet, now, I am finding that the performer is getting hungry again and wants to be fulfilled once more...
As I have been feeling the detachment from different aspects of my past decisions in life, I find myself, once again, at a juncture in the road. I love my business, yet I love dancing as well. I tried doing them both, yet it was WAY too much for my body to take on. It seems as if it's time to blend them both somehow.
I now leave it up to The Universe, my angels, guides and guardians to support me hence forth, because as much as I have been trying to "figure this all out", I am left confused and frustrated..even fearful of what's to come. Perhaps there is even a little "shame" in there with thoughts of not following through with what I have created..
Sometimes its just about admitting that there is a time to change - I have always loved change, yet this one is a bit uncomfortable in a *different* way.
All I can do is take a deep breath and have *faith* that I am being guided, loved and supported.
Read more about Karen Bishop's excerpt about Connecting to Our Soul Purpose: http://www.emergingearthangels.com/helpfulsupport.html
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Posted by FLUIDGIRL on 2009-10-19 21:48:41 | Rating: | Views: 16
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