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 Scribbles #35 (TAKE 2)
Paper maid and the metal man…

The beauty of her pirouette roused something deep inside. Never did he believe that the light weight paper of an origami gal in a lace tutu would distract him from the mission at hand. Yet, what mission is this? The General just dumped all the soldiers upon the field, left them disorganized and uninformed.

A tin soldier has naught but his valor, yet what valor does a one legged tin soldier have? One legged, on a field of brown, face down, yet looking across the battlefield at, at HER!

One leg bent, one leg straight, chin up, arms folded just so. Such grace, such beauty, how can a mere foot soldier approach one so fair and ask for her hand? How? Delicate as glass, yet paper made- rice paper if he were to guess. The most tender of sheaf. Balanced and subtle, but strong in posture, made to read, read to love. He must have her…

In low crawl fashion he makes his way, through the formation, never stalling at a block, yet pushing though in earnest that he may hear the sound of her voice. Rustling in the wind as it may- as paper shuffled for professional purpose.

His mission? Her!

Upon arrival he lifts himself to his single knee, places his hand before him; beckons her to take his touch.

And the wind blows from yon window open. The gust lifting her from his grasp and flinging her across the divide; gone. While the General returns.

Placing them upon the field, the General stands each tin soldier in formation with heads held high, chest thrust out, proud, ready, willing. Except him, our soldier, her tin soldier.

One leg is not enough to allow him to stand as the others do. The General notices, picks our tin soldier from the field for inspection. Unsatisfactory, the soldier is cast away, into the divide, to land aside the paper ballerina.

Although light of person, she takes his hand and pulls with mighty task. Unto her she brings him, away from flame of dragon’s breath, through cave in mountainside, past beast of whisker and long tail, unto darkened sanctuary. They remain, in love, in loss, forever in one another’s arms, for eternity.

The end…
    Posted by Evetspordlaw on 2009-06-30 18:09:38 | Rating: | Views: 89
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Wow! Just Wow! Love it!
Posted by  circe  on 2009-06-30 18:22:30 
  
It read like poetry, so lovely a flow of words it was. Applause Evets, applause!
Posted by  greunie  on 2009-06-30 18:33:59 
  
Circe- I appreciate your comments. Thank You...

Greunie- A poet in an attempt at the story short is bound to slip once in a while, glad to have slipped into your favor... Thank You...

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-06-30 18:44:07 
  
I have seen these Scribbles posts surface over the past couple of days, I'm not quite sure what it is about, however, this was a superlative reworking of "The Steadfast Tin Soldier". I am in awe of your mastery of words. :)
Posted by  Nixy  on 2009-06-30 19:11:05 
  
Ok E, I am giving you a standing "O" on that one.
Wow!!!
funnyman
Posted by  funnyman57  on 2009-06-30 19:37:12 
  
Very good.Lovely prose indeed!
Posted by  rupert777  on 2009-07-01 00:16:32 
  
Nixy- Firstof all I very much thank you for your words. I will e-mail you the link to the scribbles challenge so that you may give it a go...

Funnyman- Please sit, you are embarrassing me up here! o,O HEHEHEH Thanks Brother...

Rupert- Very much appreciated! Thank You my Friend...

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-01 01:26:59 
  
Very beautiful. Very romantic. You make me feel I should read the original. Well done.
Posted by  stevehayes13  on 2009-07-01 03:44:50 
  
Ahhh but steve- the orginal does not have a happy ending!

Thanks...

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-01 06:01:06 
  
Only an old soldier could write about a tin soldier with such humanity, I feel sure.

Two bites of the cherry, and each one delicious. Kudos to you my friend.
Posted by  Perigo_Minas  on 2009-07-01 11:54:32 
  
Ahhh Perigo humanity is the soldier!

I like cherries, especially in cobbler!

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-01 12:06:00 
  
Wow, I couldn't write one and you write two, I'm in awe of you. Loved it, it just flowed, I love a happy ending.
Posted by  sharnsgarden  on 2009-07-01 16:01:43 
  
My family thinks me an idiot for standing and clapping in the middle of my living room, but then they've long thought that of me.

That, my friend, was a well crafted write!
Posted by  Wheresmycoffee  on 2009-07-02 03:20:25 
  
Sharn- I figured that if I went and turned Beauty and the beast's story sad, I needed to make another happy! :-p Thanks...

WMC- That is too funny! But my family often thinks me looney as I sit here, laughing, crying, and yelling as I read the blogs on Thoughts!

Thank you my friends...

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-02 09:58:52 
  
A second success! Your words flow so nicely together, and I am very impressed with your ability to write. Thoughts.com got lucky! There are so many phenomenal writers on this site, so many different styles. I am never bored. beautiful work, beautiful words.
Posted by  bearding  on 2009-07-03 02:07:55 
  
Bearding- I am one on the low rung, of many talented writers. Would that this could support a family and feed our bellies, I would never tear my fingers from the keyboard. Once again, thank you for your kind words and thank you for this challenge...

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-03 02:13:51 
  
You did this great jutice I have some ideas floating around for this one ;).

sara.x.
Posted by  sarafeline  on 2009-07-03 05:40:21 
  
Damn! Would love to see the Queen do the scribbles!

Thanks!

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-03 16:57:41 
  
Ten (zillion) stars, buddy! Wow! Ya just blew my doors off! :)
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-07-04 09:20:18 
  
Awww now your doors were just fine the way they were, My Bad!

Thanks Boots..

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-07-04 10:52:34 
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Evetspordlaw
Washington, United States

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