It is a tiring and emotional time in the world, in my life and the lives of many; confronting challenges, problems and our own schema’s which drives us to act and feel as we make our way through this life.
Only within the past few years have I gained knowledge of and accepted a term called “schema” (schemata); or what is defined as my mental structure of my world as I view it. A schema is simply about one being grounded in the present, based on past experiences; memories are framed in the light of one’s self-conception. People who have many schema’s processes information faster, more efficiently, and consistently retrieved from memory and one will resist information contradictory to one’s self-schema.
Finally, after many years a label to place upon my emotional way of thinking; all of my schemas are based upon how I perceive the world around me. A good example is you call someone and they tell you that they cannot talk that they are busy and will get back to you! It can be perceived as “well, they must not want to have anything to do with me any longer”, it takes only one incident like this to send a person with depression or anxiety over the deep end taking days to recover. Nonetheless, there are occurrences where lets face it, life happens and people really do not want you to call them; this takes on an entire new scenario which you alone must deal with, but do not be too hard on yourself, a person who inflicts this type of non-communication to get their point across is not worth your time.
In my case , my schemas somewhat “under” control, but still active; it has taken patience and knowledge to get them to a manageable position; sounds relatively simply does it not; well it takes years of constantly training ones thought process. It was determined that my schemas was the results of my life in general; abandonment on many levels, being controlled and a wide range of other unified and multiple conflicting issues.
Yes, I wrote an earlier entry that I am comfortable with this stage of my life, and I am; however it is all because I am aware of what I believe to be important, the right things to focus on, to know my weakness, my imperfection and in many ways this awareness has given me the mental and physical power to fight my schemas in life. Peace from depression has eluded me and was at one time hidden, looked upon as a flaw in ones makeup on all levels of society; but it is real, it is painful, it can dominate, destroy and maintain a powerful hold on those who have it. It strips you of energy and the desire to live; my writing reflects the inconsistency of my life that is at all times balancing between happiness and hopelessness; but writing I have found is a healing tool; an instrument of survival that keeps me from falling into the surrounding abyss of darkness and void.
The chaos that once was my life was at times debilitating and that is when I turn inward; going to that place deep within the core of where I truly exist, where I feel safe. Thoughts become rational when you communicate with your inter-self; it is there that one finds truth; reliving your past may bring on your schemas, but the past may be the only place where you find a controllable path into your future. It is the trust and listening to the wisdom of many that keeps you secured to the edge of that nothingness where there is no return.
Alas, the kettle has reached its misty chime; and not a minute too late as I am running out of time.
A spot of tea, a bit of crumpet that is not too stale; and I am off to the local sidewalk book sale.
So, thank you for the comment, go into your garden and bask in the late day sun; knowing that this little poem is sent to you because I feeling on top today and it was created just for fun.
Have a great afternoon and evening; I am still jealous of your gardens.
Your post reminded me of a quote by Wayne Dryer that I posted a while back ... "The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind." Loved the example you used (to explain your point) of a friend being to busy to chat. As always you have given me a month's worth of things to think about and reflect upon. Love your writing. Peace.
CD,it is uncanny that you mention Dr. Wayne Dyer; I have been a student of his teaching from the onset of his lectures and publications. I became even more interested when recently he spent a year studying the Tao before he wrote his book. This book has been an excellent tool for me to better understand what I had been researching for years as I was familiar with Lao Tsu’s teachings long before Dr. Dyer defined as a logical resource for living.
I took a course in Taoism when I came to actually believe that we were all one with the universe, that the energy of the universe is the Higher Power. Lao Tsu taught that “he who follows the Tao is one with the Tao, and being at one with the Tao is eternal, though the body dies, the Tao will never pass away.
Is that not a wonderful way to believe, that we will return to the energy that is God.
I am so glad that you are able to come to terms with your 'schema' and that, by writing, you are able to help others. I pray that you will have grace for each morning and peace for your sleep.
You express your thoughts in a very interesting way. I thought the example of the phone call was a valid point. Glad for the days when you are feeling on top!
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