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I'll never understand why I keep going back, like an abused dog, afraid but needing the encouragement and praise of the abuser. I never know how to deal with my mom, we always fought and she, in general, is not a nice person...unless she wants something. I am still so torn, she is doing irrational things, and then putting it on me, like I'm supposed to solve her problems, and then she gets angry when I can't. She lost a job, only to get a new one only based on comission. This got her no where and she can't afford her bills. She got another new job, and once again it's a comission job...but this one is different.(*supposedly*) She e-mails me and calls me, asking what she's supposed to do....how can I help her....can I call so-and-so...or look things up for her. I've looked for jobs for her, I've looked for places to live for her, but I can't give her money or use my credit card for her. Even if I have a little extra and can get by without it...I just can't bring myself to do it again. She cried yesterday, not while I was talking to her, but answered it crying (she doesn't have caller ID). I know it's real, despite what everyone else says (she has a history of "crying poor" and then being just fine or buying things she shouldn't be---lap top, car, etc.) I know it's real this time...and I don't know what to do. She told her place that she's moving out at the end of the month....but she has no backup place to live. She hasn't found one yet, and the end of the month is here. Is she going to ask to move in with me? Am I going to have to say no, because it may jeapordize my marriage of less than 6 months? She'll end up yelling at me, yelling at my husband, and being angry that the apartment's not clean or I'm not spending time with her....I know her well...this is what she will say and do. I love her, she's my mother, but I shouldn't be trying to find her an apartment or job, she's capable. She's not old, she's not disabled, I think she's given up. It breaks my heart to see a strong woman--even if she was abusive to me in the past--break like this. I am the only family member still talking to her, everyone else has severed ties with her. Everyone tells me to do the same, to not give her anything, to not let her move in (since she told them in the past that was "her plan") and to not see her. I can't though, she's my mother, my blood, the woman who raised me on her own. I get soft on this topic, I don't want to hurt her or let her be hurt. Why?!? I found some journals the other day...the entries were almost all about her. How I went to a counselor years after I was raped and even though she allowed me to go, she yelled and screamed when I got home, because i "went behind her back" and saw a counselor, even though I informed her before I went. It wasn't THE counselor she wanted me to see, even though I liked her and felt comfortable with her....so I went one more time, and never went back to a counselor until college. How I asked for cake and tacos for my 18th birthday, and I was going out and said I'd be home at 7:00 PM, and when I got home at 7:00 PM my cake candles were blown out/eaten, and dinner was eaten and she screamed at me I was supposed to be home at 6:00 PM and I was late. She has always made up times, dates, events...like the time I was "bit by a rattlesnake"--which never happened---never by any snake.... is she crazy? Am I crazy for going back time and time again to help her when she was so cruel to me. All it ever does to me when she calls asking me to do stuff, or complaining and yelling is leave me stressed, in tears, and sometimes depressed. I know I still need help, but I've been trying at least, with counseling. She won't even acknowledge she has any problems. When she calls saying she's been evicted, I wonder if I'll say no....
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Posted by Embers on 2008-02-28 23:42:59 | Rating: | Views: 66
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I am so sorry you have to endure that.
I can totally understand that you love your mother and you feel that you should help her but all I can say is that You should decide whats best for YOU. I don't think you helping her is gonna help your mother because then she won't be forced to do it on her own and improve. All I can say is this, she has to be forced to improve.
I also read that ur mother has given up, mines have too, well I can see it.
I can tell you that my parents have been married for 25 yrs. I am 19 and I still live at home with them. Anyways it seems that my mother doesn't want to work or do anything. She doesn't seem to want to change or improve. She's NOT abusive. She loves me and my brother very much but I can feel her negativity and depression is taking a toll on me. She is always "sick" or there is always something wrong with her. But to me, it doesn't seem like it or maybe she made herself sick. My dad tells me all this stuff about my mother. My mama is extremely negative. In 2002, she got laid off. And she claims that she can't find another job. My dad tells me that my mother messed up something with the IRS taxes or something like that and my dad has to pay the penalty fees. And my dad tells me that its NOT fun spending time with my mother anymore, it seems like she wants to be depressed. You know that takes a toll on the marriage and my dad was telling me that if it wasn't for me & my brother, he would of left cuz he couldn't be around someone that was zapping energy out of him. I can't live like that, the way my mother is, I want to move out little early.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-02-29 13:55:32
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