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I went on a trip this past weekend, to try and get away from it all. It was wonderful, beautiful beach, warm sun, and best of all, hours away from everything.

Before I left, my mom e-mailed me, asking me to call people again for her and do some paperwork for her. She never gives me a choice. Just leaves a message, using her neighbors phone, saying for me to come over after work and help her with court documents....after work is 11 PM at night. But, since I can't call her, I don't feel right just not showing up. I tell her I don't know anything about court documents, and I can't do this. She gives me some bullshit, and tries to make me feel guilty by saying, "Oh, I know you just want to go home and get comfortable..." And shit like that. I tell her she makes me frustrated, because she doesn't give me a choice, and she still expects me to do it for her! I tell her I have to wake up at 5 AM to get ready to leave for my camping trip, and I still have stuff to get ready THAT night. She doesn't even care, as long as her shit gets done, and I do it for her.

I hurry up and fill the papers out, and go home, after dropping by the PO and dropping off her documents in the outside slot. I can't believe I still let her get to me, even when I was trying to be strong.

I sent her an e-mail, telling her I can't call those people for her, she needs to use the phone card I got her. Her reply to that, is can I get some of her furniture for her. I can't store her furniture, I don't have room in my little apartment. I don't know anyone that wants to buy it.

I get another e-mail asking if I know if some family members will take and store some of her furniture. So I foward it to them. I know they won't, they want nothing to do with her, and won't want to talk or see her at all. I don't blame them. It's what they keep telling me to do. I'm the last link to her, I wish it could just be normal. I wish I was stronger to tell her she needs to be my mother and stop relying on me. I have enough trouble getting my life in order, without her keeping me busy getting hers in order too.

I get another e-mail asking me to call the county for her and send them an e-mail, because she can't pay them child support. I foward the e-mail to them...and funny, it took 1 second for their website to be found and e-mail/phone right on it. I write her back, saying I can't call them for her, because I don't know any of the info, and that I don't want to get involved in that. We'll see what her response is.

I wish I was stronger. Stronger as in being cold and mean. Stronger as in letting go of a woman who biologically is my mother, but never emotionally. Stronger as in letting a woman be homeless.