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It's funny how as time changes so do we. For whatever reason I decided to clean out my e-mail and came across a link to this site. As I signed into it I remembered the time that I started writing on this thing. It pained me to read my thoughts from a year ago, almost down to the dates. It seems like these months, August and September seem to be the ones that don't like me much anymore, depending on how you see it. Last year at this time I was stuck at home in a neckbrace left to myself and speculations that were later all proven correct, emphasis on ALL. God had I wished I was wrong, seems rarely these days does women's intution let you down, does that mean I'm getting old? I read these things today and they nearly brought me to tears. For the past year I've listened to people tell me how strong I am for everything that I've been through, everything that I've had to endure. Yet somehow I don't see myself as strong, yet. Slowly I'm getting there but I haven't quite reached the potential of what I once believed I should or could be.
Let me refresh, I started but as usual, I steered off course. If you read previous blogs you'll get a slighty more detailed version of the scenario but to refresh... Last August my "first love" also previously known as ex-boy broke up with me out of nowhere. We're young so I took it as fear of the unknown and he wasn't quite ready, because we were close friends prior to our relationship, I decided the grown up thing to do would be to try being friends. *Note: for some reason in movies this always works out but never in real life.* Yeah, so in my ignorance(and guys it truly is bliss!) a few of us went out for his birthday and well, long story short that night my neck ended up getting broken. It all happend so fast it was almost like one of those out of body expirences, you know when you don't think things like this happen to people like me. Whatever that means. So I was told to take it easy for six to eight weeks, think about this, everything in your world getting completely taken away from you all in a matter of weeks. Your independence, freedom, hell everything we strive forso much as we grow older was gone, because some people got drunk. It sucked so of course add bitterness, pain killers and a heartbroken girl with sneaking suspisions, my two months were not a walk in the park. The suspisions I guess I should let you know were my so called "friend", I've come to grips with the fact that this girl was never a best friend, those people seem to be hard to find these days. Anyway, prior to the breaking of my neck little things kept happening to make me suspect something was wrong or well, off with these two. From the beginning... 1) The night before ex-boy decided to flip the switch as some might say, I awoke to him looking at "friend's" myspace profile.*Ahh myspace, the breaker of hearts, destoryer of realatinoships, lol. I kid* 2) "friend" calls me mysteriously, right after ex-boy breaks up with me 3) I go to pay a phone bill, which, hugh how funny I discover ex-boy called "friend" exactly 30 minutes after he decides he needs to figure things out.....you know, I don't even want to go into detail about this anymore. It's almost pointless....long story short, I try to confront them, both seperately of course trying to handle this like an adult. They both say nothing is going on, they're friends yada, yada, a year later the two are dating. People are awesome aren't they?
I guess my point really is over the past year ex-boy and I made a somewhat small attepmt at seeing one another occasionally and I guess "friend" was so intimidated by whatever connection she thinks I and ex-boy might still have that she began to lie about me. You know I tried in every way to handle the situation like an adult, but when it came to what he and I had it was something that ment alot to me. I could handle being hurt, I could handle being dumped, I could even handle physically hurting me in a fit of rage. But this girl, lied about me cheating. One thing I'd never done!!! Don't ask me why but it drove me crazy. It's okay, these days I think people get what they deserve and all my dwelling seemed to have hurt me more over the past year. So I know now, karma's a bitch.
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Posted by EbonyEve23 on 2008-09-03 16:52:57 | Rating: | Views: 47
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