Thoughts.com Blogs - The tears he doesn't see...

Tonight after FOTY left Miss 8 jumped out of bed. You see he wants to leave at 7:30pm so he puts the kids to bed then, and Miss 8 protests loudly.
Now I am a bit unfair here, cause I've been letting the kids go to bed at 8pm ... but I want him to leave. I want him out of my house, so I go along with his selfish agenda, and suggest to Miss 8 that it's a school night and they need their sleep. Which frustrates Miss 8, who protests that she doesn't wanna go to bed at 7:30pm... she now goes to bed at 8pm!! Which is for the most part true!

So as a compromise last week and tonight I've let them get out of bed as soon as his sorry arse is out the door. Tonight though Miss 8 was sad, and expressed herself to me. She told me she was frustrated. FRUSTRATED?!!! She's 8, and she says she's FRUSTRATED. Actually she told a friend first and then she told me.

She was weighing up in her mind the pros & cons of her Dad moving out.
It went something like this ....

If Dad were still here we wouldn't -

- have our new puppy (cause he always said when our old dog died, that would be it for pets)
- have our new kitten (read above)
- be allowed to stay up later, he always wants them in bed asap so he can relax infront of the TV
- do some of the fun stuff that they now do with me (he was inner looking - planned for himself first - golf, work functions, football games by himself or with mates)
- sleep in Mum's bed (he really hated the kids getting in our bed albeit it was occassional)
- watch TV in one room and play PS2 in the other!! (he was very possessive of his HUGE LCD which he took with him!)

Her mind was racing, she asked me what if he came back .. and would I want him back.

I suggested to her that he wasn't coming back. But she insisted I answer, would I want him back.

I had to answer honestly, I don't want her to have any hopes that he may one day ride back in, wearing a shinning armoured suit and rescue us from whatever it is that we need rescuing from.

I explained that I do not want him back, for the simple reason that he doesn't love me anymore, and if he was back here he'd be out and in (like he was the last 2 months he was here). - Not to mention the fact he's sleeping with another.

I explained that we would notice this and it would hurt our feelings, because we'd want him here all the time and he wouldn't want to be here.

I tried to explain that you should only love ONE partner deeply, and if your husband/wife doesn't love you deeply then it is not so nice for the one does care.

I also emphasized that he loved her and Master 5. She protests this, citing his crappy visitation record of late. I agreed with her, but said I'd spoken to him about this and he was "getting" better.

This did not help, she rightly pointed out that he should think of that himself, and he should NOT need me to help him. She also said she was angry that he didn't know what they liked - and I should not have to tell him.

Here is what gets me! For the sake of my child, I had to stick up for him! I told her that he was getting to know them again, and he was learning what they liked again.... and I suggested that she help him, and tell him.

She was not totally convinced and I know we will have more discussion on this.
It's gonna take her a lot longer than FOTY thinks to just accept his selfish decision, and that's where I harbour my resentment at him.

I recall the day we were at the Marriage councillors and she pointed out the collateral damage of kids in a Marriage separation - and he says
"Oh they'll be right, Kids are pretty resilient."
....

another unacceptable statement from an unacceptable selfish person