Enter at your own risk, prepare to go out with a confused gaze! I warned you ....
It's like this,
you feel it so you write it.
You are bursting with happiness, so you write it,
You hurt a little so you write it.
You are grumpy
you are tired
you are emotional
and not a single hormone is there to blame, so you write it.
I see it in the halls here when I visit my friends and I do it too.
But then I sometimes wonder if I should.
You are all so wonderful.
My friends give me such a lift - as friends should.
I think more about what I've shared
I wonder if I should write it in private again - you know on that paper diary.
Mind you I have no clue where the one I used to write in is.
I think I burnt it when I decided I was stronger in the mind than that.
One day I will truly let my emotions get away with me.
I think about how close to the surface some of my insecurities are.
I don't think the best,
I imagine the worst, so I can be surprised when things go the way I l hope.
But every now and again the part of me that does believe in things working out convinces the other part of me, who is cynical and jaded to go along for the ride.
You know and believe that people genuinely like me, you know really like me ... and for the right reasons!!
I guess we all have our insecurities, and we all deal with them differently.
My theory on this is that I'd rather be bitten in the butt by an insecurity than miss an opportunity of a life time and look back six months later and regret not taking that chance.
If something feels right I step in with both feet .. I don't run in case it doesn't work out.
I've always been like that, just without the experience of knowing how much it hurts to be let down.
If I truly like someone I will do anything for them, that includes friends. For some my willingness to please and put a smile on someone else's face causes suspicion and doubt. Which I think is pretty sad that human kind don't believe or trust anymore.
Although the rotten person who hit my car whilst it was parked yesterday at the farm .. may karma take care of you .. you jerk!
Too much has happened this week, too many things. Foty was lucky he didn't cop it from me, he can't help but prove he's a jerk. I wouldn't be surprised if he still thought I cared about him. He's so condescending .. pr**k. I don't really care enough about what he really thinks. But he'd better watch his comments. There is only so much I will ignore.
Okay, well I'm not sure how this happened but I was going to write a light and breezy blog to start to bury the last one I wrote. I'll admit to you that I got a tear in my eye as I read your beautiful responses in my last blog. I know you are all right. It's just sometimes I let those pity thought wash over me and long to be rescued.
Hmmm let me come back when I'm feeling positive, although I've got a bad headache, you know the one where your head throbs, and my shoulders, well they couldn't be any more tight. That is why I need to find where the sun is shining again... it's not far away, just sometimes I have tunnel visions
Love you all
xx  xx
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