Thoughts.com Blogs - Reflecting on My Week, My life

Time to let go of the hurt I've felt over the past week.
It was a mixture of betrayal, surprise, and recognition that my old life - my married life was behind me.

Deep down I was expecting FOTY to get engaged and marry again, but he was always the kind of person that didn't want to be "officially" committed to a relationship. And I never expected it this soon - and BEFORE we were divorced.

When we first dated he was fully committed - mind you we were 17!
After 3 years of that he was always the one who wanted things to be casual. I used to struggle with that concept.

He'd tell me he didn't want to break up - but go "Casual". So he'd say go enjoy yourself.

So I would, I'd meet some nice guy who I'd start dating, then when he found out he'd call me up and say he missed me and he wanted us exclusive again.
This went on for 7 years.

The most memorable was when I met an AFL footballer at the old "Tunnel" night club - happened twice - it was just kissing and dancing (both times) and a fun night at the night club - but never the less FOTY called me the quickest he could after those two events.

He is a real name dropper - would drop everything at the chance to meet a celebrity - which AFL (or VFL at the time) footballers were to him. He idolised them all for where they were in their sport.

His contact each time after any of these events confused the hell out of me, but because we had so much history I mistook that for a sense of loyalty.

So I'd get back with him - when I should have just been friends and dated the NEW guy.
Now I don't have to worry about that - him calling me up that is.

Last Saturday when I found out he was engaged, I was shocked, I was hurt, but in reflection I'm glad. For some reason I had a loyalty to him. I had a sense of history. I held myself back all my life for him.
But now I don't have to anymore - I have two beautiful children - the ONLY Fantastic thing from our Marriage....... oh I guess I could say I've also been lucky to keep the house (& the mortgage) and pay him out a designated amount which is not affordable - however my family are ACE! and without them I'd be moving.... but that's another blog.

I know my feelings will be on a rollar coaster until I meet that someone who is worthy - but today 1 week after the latest event I'M GOOD, I'm better than GOOD - I'm positive and willing to let my life be lived.