I've just re-read my last post about HWG and thought it was disjointed and not free flowing like my usual entries.
And I have to confess I know why ...... the reason is that HWG admitted today that he has infact come in and read some of my blogs! He asked if I minded if he continued - of course I said no, because well I have nothing to lose with him now... do I?

He can now think I'm crazy, emotional, insecure, whatever he's interpreted, and it doesn't matter - because I don't mean to him what I hoped I might have once. 

Also one of my committee.... remember them?? The member who has been renamed to Amy also asked for the details of my blog! Probably because I waffle on about the stories/ entries I've read on here and also any intelligent quotes (don't laugh) I put here too I tend to rattle them off without realising.

So I wrote that last entry very carefully, not revealing my true thoughts, and words.
Thought I'd best come and confess and maybe write some more.

Of course I'm hurt that HWG has chosen to pursue his old relationship over starting a new one with me.
Of course I'm disappointed and wonder if I should've given a bit of a fight - which seems pointless now.
I wonder if I was too "out there" for his nature - or maybe it was my current situation - need I remind you I'm a single mum of two kids!  My life is far from simple!  Who'd want that challenge??

I even had a thought that this situation separates me from people like the woman who now sleeps with my ex-husband..... where she should have walked away and left him to his family - she didn't.
Mind you knowing what I know about him now, he probably would've just run off with the next woman who showed him some attention / ego stroking anyway!

I will take a step back - no more raunchy text messages for HWG - but god they were fun!
But I won't not be his friend (sorry about the double negative!).  I really enjoy him, he's easy to talk to, he's funny, he's no ego maniac, and whether I care to admit it or not I think he still does like me!  Of course if he reads this he may see that as a challenge to "Not" like me anymore !! Hahaha

Anyway I'm sad, but I'm not - once again I've done the right thing - but in saying that HWG hasn't done anything wrong either.  Feelings are neither wrong or right, they are just feelings! And often we can't control them - you just have to go with them.

Now I'm feeling like going to bed with a good book!  So Good night I'm sure like good friends we'll talk tomorrow!