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During the conversation (insert heated debate) last night with foty I questioned his intentions for Christmas Day. I know I know, it’s only October, but I’ve already got a few lay-bys ... and a plastic laminated LAYBY Card at 2 stores!! Yes that is sad really. And considering there is still my birthday, Miss 8’s birthday and I’m sure a lot of other people’s birthdays before December 25th, I’d like to ignore the Christmas Spirit just a bit longer. But marketing campaigns surround us and you just can’t seem to escape the Christmas bug.
Christmas has a different meaning for me since foty left. Last year I wore a particularly heavy mask, with a lot of cracks I’m sure. You see I used to LOVE Christmas as a child, so when I had my own children, it was like those magical days were back. Only I was in on the secret, yerr you know the one. I’d best not spell it out here, as we all know the age has decreased in months gone, and I don’t want to be responsible for that burst bubble.
Sorry, so where was I? Oh yerr, I asked foty what his intentions were, you see I had a similar conversation with a friend on here who is a divorced parent, and he sees his son Christmas eve, and then the son spends Christmas day with the Mum. As much as I don’t want my children’s memories to be jaded for Christmas Day, I suggested it to foty.
Well not only did he decline the suggestion, and tell me that he intended on coming here Christmas morning again, when asked about whether he was going halves on presents with err hum, Santa, he tells me “No” he will get the kids presents on his own (from him and JS).
Last year we agreed to split the cost of the presents,
1. Because he has no idea what the kids like,
2. He had bought them things they already had when trying to surprise them during the year,
3. The week before Christmas he still had nothing for them. Well technically he’d ordered Master 5 a bike, from Santa. But for some reason it wasn’t available in time for Christmas!! (wtf – right?)
So he accepted my offer of going halves, and me wrapping everything up the night before and me playing the FAT GUY in the RED SUIT. But then he soured it by telling us he’d be there around 10:30am. I wanted him to come much earlier, in fact I’d even offered that he sleep here the night before – in the spare room, which he declined. So the kids opened all but one present before he arrived.
BUT this year, he has decided that the kids will get presents from
1- SANTA
2- FOTY & JS!
Which is good, except the kids will ask why he is giving them presents and I am NOT. Now of course they may not, but I do recall Miss 8 asking me once why they kids gave us presents, but we didn’t give them any. So with foty doing that – in my opinion to look like a generous guy, I’m sure the kids will be wondering why their Mum isn’t giving them any.
I have been given a great suggestion by a good friend – that is to start putting a few presents from MUM under the tree, instead of all from Santa. So I will do that.
Oh and the other thing that is bothering me here, is that last year foty stayed for lunch. Then his Dad popped over in the afternoon before they all left to have their little family gathering – JS included. This year I don’t particularly want him staying for lunch, but I know it will do no harm – as my side of the family get together at dinner time, so it will just be me and the kids otherwise, and of course there is the kids who I know will want to spend the day with both parents – after all that is what CHRISTMAS is about isn’t it? – FAMILY!
Jury is still out ... I find Christmas a particularly tough time of the year since he left. But I know there are others much worse off. I just have to think of a fantastic Christmas gift to give myself! Lol. Hmm do you think I could order someone around 6ft, intelligent, worldly and who speaks French! Lol. Just kidding of course – he’d probably refuse to stay wrapped that long – and he’s probably gay... not that there is anything wrong with that! Jk of course.
** FOTY is the acronym that I have bestowed on my ex-husband and the father of my children.
FOTY stands for Father Of The Year - which he clearly is not, so it's a little sarcasm used by me :)
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-10-15 06:07:10 | Rating: | Views: 142
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I was wondering what FOTY meant lol.
As for the kids thinking he's some type of hero because they get extra presents off him, Don't worry cause A.They'll be too excited to give him much acknowledgement on the matter and B. They'll realise what he's doing eventually and think that he's just trying to buy there love, which never works.
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Posted by crystyanne
on 2008-10-15 06:28:53
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CA - you are right. . . Plus this is going to sound mean, but knowing him, he'll give them something they don't like anymore. Like the time he came around proud and presented them with WIGGLES DVD's ... both kids were so disappointed. They'd lost interest in the Wiggles at least a year ago. Thank you for the advice :) Oh and my friend is on holidays this week - so I'll follow her up next week :) Get you back to Melbourne soon :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-10-15 06:31:16
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I really don't know why you think xmas is better with FOTY round.
I LOVED xmas when i was a kid.
Not once did my dad turn up for half an hour let alone dinner!!!!
Mummy and Santa was PERFECT.(Of course, you know your kids better than me LOL)
My Mum put LOVE into it and it showed.
Who gives a fuck if my SPERM DONER showed up????
YOU ALONE are all your kids need for a GREAT xmas, presents are just a bonus.
Thing is, they won't realise that until they're older.
I don't know if you do it already but the routine we used to have (still have actually :P) was awesome. We used to get up and instead of going straight for the presents, we would go with our stockings and sit on mum's bed and open all the lil treats in the stockings. Just that simple lil thing was PROPER quality time. then we would go downstairs and have breakfast while mum got up and only after eating and doing the washing up are we allowed to open presents. Then, we're only allowed five before dinner (or a relative amount depending on how much we had in total).
Just a couple of tricks to make the day alot more enjoyable than presents and roast dinner. :)
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Posted by eeerm
on 2008-10-15 07:16:17
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My daughter and her ex have it worked out where last year my grandson stayed at his father's and woke up there Christmas morning to "Santa" and then came home at noon to spend Christmas day here. This year it will be reversed. There is no way in hell the man would be invited here to watch him open his gifts. I give you credit for sharing Christmas morning with a man like Foty. It was hard last year, but the baby was only two and a half....this year will be great since he is a little older. Next year, I am sure, will be hard for my daughter, but you really can't have two Christmas mornings, it would confuse him with the whole "Santa" thing.
I do realize you do this for your children, but hopefully, as they get older and learn about "you know what" you will no longer have to share your home or your holiday with someone who totally disrepected you and caused you so much misery.
Just a thought.....since he has decided to separate the holiday by giving gifts from him and his girlfriend, you could possibly explain to the children their father won't be there Christmas morning because that is a time for them to open "Santa's gifts" and they will see their father later to open gifts from him and his girlfriend. He shouldn't be allowed to take "all" the glory!!!! You know the saying "cake and eat it too" hasn't he already been there, done that, again, Just a thought.
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Posted by slowtolearn
on 2008-10-15 07:57:28
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The family dynamics have changed and it doesn't have to be for the worse. The idea of giving the children gifts from Mommy and Santa is a great idea. Keep your Christmas spirit kiddo and poop on Foty. For Foty is too self centered to understand the damage he has already caused. You kiddo have and always will be there for your children that right there has family written all over it:)
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-10-15 08:15:28
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Well a way to get him to spend Christmas eve at his house with the kids would be to tell him you don't want him in your house Christmas day.
Seeing how he is buying his own gifts let him do it at his house.
The downside would be if he by chance bought something you bought the kids they would get his first.
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-10-15 09:51:57
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We always had gifts for the kids from Mom and Dad (or just Mom in your case) and from Santa. Usually all the good things were from Santa and the booring things like clothes came from Mom and Dad.
In you case you should be doing the same but just from Mom.
And I so agree - keep him outta your house, let him have his own little thing on Christmas eve or even better Christmas night after dinner.
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Posted by Tony51203
on 2008-10-15 10:09:06
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Great Christmas tips and suggestions above. I was at the store yesterday and noticed the Christmas merchandise is already on the shelves. I dislike the holidays, it's the time of year I feel most alone. Be thankful that you have been blessed with children to share the magic of Christmas with. Remember the best gifts are not available at Target or any other store. Since you are starting early I have confidence that your holiday (while not stress free) will turn out well. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-10-15 11:10:36
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foty served a purpose. i have said to my children since their mom left that "i will always love her for helping me get them." but trying to "win" in the giving arena will backfire on FOTY, the butthead. you give love. the kids know that. Foty can't come close to that by getting presents. do whatever you do on Christmas out of love. ignore foty like gnats in a barn. he may come and go, but you are permanent. the kids will remember so much more of your role in Christmas than his. it is certainly time to reclaim your love of Christmas. i think foty was a first class idiot for not fighting to hold onto you.
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Posted by AllThingsBuck
on 2008-10-15 13:12:10
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EZ
Xmas is for the kids while they are young. As tough as
it is on you, IT WILL GET EASIER. Share the time happily
with your kids and try and overlook the unpleasantness with FOTY.
funnyman
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Posted by funnyman57
on 2008-10-15 14:35:10
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Christmas, the traditions you establish will be the ones they remember.
FOTY getting there late is too bad for him.
We used to have someone toss pebbles on the roof...reindeer hooves! and jingle some bells (keys,one time), "reindeer bells! Quick, bedtime!
Of course mine are all grown, but I still put 'from rudolph" and 'from the elves' on thier gifts. Also, Santa leaves crumbs and a thank you note for the treat he is left.
We have the same Christmas Eve dinner every year. And the same brunch every Christmas morning. Monte Christo sandwiches with fresh fruit. Orange juice for the kids, mimosas for the grownups. I do look forward to those mimosas.
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Posted by circe
on 2008-10-15 19:56:42
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Don't ever doubt that your kids will grow up and know who did what and all that stuff. . . mine sure do. My daughter told me long after they were too old for the Santa stuff that she knew I was the only one who ever gave a damned about Christmas and making it special. They do have a good relationship with their father, in spite of the years of intense dislike I had for him. We have come a long way since those days and my relationship with my version of FOTY is quite healthy at this point in my life and it has been for several years now (about five to be exact.) I'm not sure who decided to become civil, but between the two of us we have become friends in a weird sort of "I used to know you when and even liked you" sort of way. Hopefully you will reach that place at some point with FOTY. In the meantime, keep on keeping on. Be Mom and Santa and in 15 years, they will adore you for it even more than they already do now. Let him do his thing and they'll sort that out with him in years to come, too, just like my kids have with their Dad.
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Posted by cwzywbt
on 2008-10-15 23:13:13
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I know it's tough, but Christmas Day is still going to be magic for your kids cause you will make sure it is. Poop on Foty as Pitta suggests and plan a really special day for the 3 of you. Who knows what Santa might bring you?
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-10-16 05:57:36
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My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. The first year, my dad spent Christmas Day with us, as a "family". Then from then out, I spent Christmas Eve with him and his family, and Christmas Day was left for my mom and her family. It just seemed to workout for the best that way. You will create new memories for you and your children on Christmas Day, things always work out for the best!! And buy yourself a FABULOUS Christmas Gift, you deserve it!! :)
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Posted by brlracincwgrl
on 2008-10-16 09:26:37
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