Posted by
pitapie50
on 2008-04-15 08:11:58 |
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| Jeepers..thats a tough one. At this point I'm thinking its better to whack him upside the head and dispose of his body. All kidding aside...do what you feel is best. I know that doesn't help you,I'm sorry for that. When I had found out about my ex husbands extra curricular activities, I kept that to myself...telling no one. In hind sight sometimes I wish I would of told on him. Maybe if friends (some of which I'm sure knew) and family knew it might of stopped his behavior? I will never know for certain. This guy sure has "big gonads" to put you in this position. Not a nice guy. On second thought...throw him under the bus. He needs a dose of his own medicine. |
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Posted by
shemelts
on 2008-04-15 08:28:37 |
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I think you are reading to much into this..He asked you..IF he was not dating your friend would you date him? That is a big IF. He didn't ask you to meet him for a shag. Most people are curious to find out what others think of them. I think the answer would have to be, "No I'm not ready to date now and YOU ARE dating my friend". No way would I mention this to her. Flirting is a natural part of life for both men and women. It is not a sin, as a matter of fact most people need that to feel like they still have game. It is when they cross the line into suggesting that you form a relationship or meet up that you have to back away and say..BACK OFF. If you don't want to talk to him.. tell him.
If he makes you uncomfortable, just say "this conversation makes me uncomfortable". Good luck with this one. peace :) shemelts |
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Posted by
EasyToSay
on 2008-04-15 08:32:05 |
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pitapie - thanks I agree sometimes it is right to tell, sometimes not .. I think I'll sit on it for awhile... see what happens
Shemelts - you are right too, and I do not know how "SERIOUS" he is being ... after all we can all be something else online!! |
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Posted by
prelude2it
on 2008-04-15 09:33:52 |
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| That's a tough one. He sounds like a jerk. If it were a close friend I would tell her but if it's more of an acquaintance then probably not because you are right, she may not believe you. See what happens and then decide. Good luck. |
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Posted by
Mamacita925
on 2008-04-15 09:37:55 |
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| you can always save your IM's and print them...Show them to her. I would. |
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Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-04-15 11:02:44 |
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| I wouldn't tell her. Unless the girl is a great friend, she might turn on you instead. Women like to believe the best of their boyfriends and, if you tell her, she might start to think of you as a threat and give you the cold shoulder. If he really is a snake, she will find out eventually. |
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Posted by
BootLady
on 2008-04-15 14:08:46 |
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| Tough call, Easy, but I'm fairly sure that if he's the cheating kind, she'll find out eventually anyway, whether it's you who blows the whistle or not. If you step away from this, it becomes her problem, not yours. I think that's the approach I'd take. |
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Posted by
overthehillandfaraway
on 2008-04-15 17:17:28 |
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| Ignore him! You're way, way too good for that. How dare he put you in this position. It's happened to me a few times but it destroyed any friendship there ever was. You owe him nothing and you're best away from her. Good luck Easy! |
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Posted by
Ellie2008
on 2008-04-15 17:56:36 |
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Okay, here is the divorced woman speaking: many of my longtime girlfriends went into hiding when I became the divorced woman...not happy about that, but it is what it is. I can only wonder why and it's a shame. I don't lose sleep over it though.
As I read this, I had a thought...what if it is HER, not him who is IMing you? Just a thought!
Telling her depends on how good of a friend she is. I have to agree, she will find out on her own, but I sure as hell would have liked to know when mine was cheating if anyone else knew! Not an easy situation... |
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Posted by
HungryHeart
on 2008-04-16 00:30:34 |
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| If obviously isn't happy with his partner. I think you should tell him he has to make decisions about his own life before he can ask you that. If only wants to leave his partner if there is someone else waiting (and a lot of men are like that) than that should not be acceptable to you. You are obviously above that. |
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Posted by
brainstormer
on 2008-04-16 01:43:17 |
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After reading all the case files and witness reports, I am torn between two options.
1)You leave him be(see the next part) and don't tell her. Let her figure out if he is a cheating jerk or not(but you may lose her friendship anyway if it comes out later from his mouth and you suddenly look like "Hey, why didnt you tell me? Youre supposed to be my friend!").
2)Tell her and risk the friendship...like the one person said--if you really must be so tech dorky--show a copy of the IMs. That just seems so childish and lame to me. You really should be able to go to her and say "hey, your guy is hitting on me."
In any case, turn him off reeeeal fast:P Either say something to him to make him give it up or just stop talking--put him on ignore on the IM if you must. Tell him he had a chance to chat with you and blew it. Cut him off so the pressure is released...
But, a small part of me gets this impression that you LIKED what he was saying to you. Though you were turned off by the ultimate result pending...you didnt mind his flirtation. It made you feel better about yourself maybe? |
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Posted by
EasyToSay
on 2008-04-16 03:32:55 |
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Thank you very interesting and valid points.
Brainstormer - I think it was more of a case of me being POLITE rather than liking the attention from this person. I'm cutting him off :)
Hungry Heart - you are right I don't think he is happy with his choice ... but for me regardless of whether he was with her or not He's JUST NOT MY TYPE! I didn't want to have to say that, didn't want to hurt his feelings... If I have to though I will be honest with him.
Ellie - I know that feeling, I have a friend who still doesn't invite me over unless her husband is out!!!! How funny is that!
Hmmm the friend Im'ing - interesting point... I guess anything is possible.
E - I am definitely ignoring him where possible, I guess I just don't like being rude... maybe I need to be direct!
BootLady - You are right, He is definitely the cheating kind ... I've discovered that .. not through personale experience though! :)
BMIME & Meri - I feel he is a player ... and I think he's gonna get his just deserts! :)
Mama - Hmmm good point, didn't think of that one .. a screen capture would do it!
Prelude2it - YES I now think HE IS a jerk!!! Probably why he's NOT MY TYPE!! :)
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Posted by
smileforthecamera
on 2008-04-16 17:17:44 |
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Cut him off. Cut him off. Cut him off.
I trust that you have already gone with this decision and I can honestly tell you its the best choice. Been through a similar thing and trust me the longer you wait, the harder it is to make it all stop and go away. Im sure youve already figured that out though. |
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Posted by
roe
on 2008-04-16 23:32:13 |
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Ignore him
and be careful
I heard of a situation where the girlfriend was the one instant messaging her girlfriend, pretending to be the boyfriend to test her friendship...see if she would be faithful...my oh my, you just never know |
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Posted by
ladiegodiva
on 2008-04-17 00:57:40 |
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| I actually had a friends partner stick his hand down my pants and try to kiss me. Nice....not really. Yeah, I reported that ASAP. But she was one of my closest friends, so in your case...I'd just say steer clear of the ass. |
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