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Foty called to say good night to Miss 8, which was a nice change since he hadn't done so for a couple of days. Not all his fault, Miss 8 had a sleepover at her Nana's (My mums) and there was NO way he'd call there. He is too embarrassed to even say "Hi" to my parents.
I answered the phone this time. Normally I let Miss 8 answer it. She enjoys this, and quite frankly I have nothing to say to him most of the time. Might sound immature to some.
So I raise the topic of discussion, namely the "Boat Show".
I explain that Miss 8 doesn't really want to go, I don't think they'd like it, and how his Mother is "manipulating" Miss 8 into feeling like she has to go.
Foty surprises me, and agrees 100% with me. The company he works for is promoting something at the Boat Show and he has been to the venue. It is directed to Adults, not children. We actually have an adult conversation and I hate to admit it, but it reminded me of how it was when we liked each other.
He offers to call his Mum to explain this to her. I told him I didn't want her to think I was just being difficult for the sake of it.
I decline his offer for now.
I suggest that if she doesn't accept that the kids don't want to go, when she calls back that night.
Then I would let him know.
Of course I know I could pull rank on her, and carry on.
But I know a good relationship is recommended since I agree I want my kids to know all of their relatives. Also I don't want her to have a reason other than loyalty/blood (being thicker than water) to pull the wool over my eyes.
Like she has on occassions, like when foty got engaged... etc.
Foty then talks to Miss 8, who again expresses that she doesn't want to go to the Boat Show.
Foty re-inforces my advice, and that is to speak up when she doesn't want to do something. But we both accept she is only 8 years old, hardly a match for an adult. Especially an adult who wants to coerce her to doing things their way.... mind you the same applies with foty (and I guess me) at times.
In encouraging her to speak out when she doesn't want to do something, I am hoping it will filter through to when she is a bit older. I am hoping she will be strong enough to ignore peer group pressure. I don't want her to feel like she has to follow the trend. Just a thought.
After chatting to Miss 8, foty asks to speak to me again.
Miss 8 gladly hands the phone over, (normally she gets all uppity about it). She stands within earshot.
We have another brief chat and agree to wait and see.
I don't want to turn it into a drama ... although you may say I have here, since there are 3 blogs on it now! Although that's why I did it here in Thoughts. because you guys will forget. 
MIL didn't call back by the children's bedtime. So I decide I'll call her in the morning.
I'm putting Miss 8 and Master 5 to bed when Miss 8 starts crying, which seemed out of the blue for me.
I ask her what's wrong and she tells me that she's upset because Foty & I were speaking so nicely to each other, and we sounded like we were agreeing on the topic at hand.
"Well that's a good thing isn't it?" I ask only slightly confused.
She continues to say that she felt like when he still lived with us. Like he was just at work, and would be home anytime soon. She sobbed as she told me that she wanted him to move back in, and could I please ask him again now.
My heart sunk, and I felt a lump in my throat. I have to admit to myself that I'd felt the same way when I was talking to foty. He had a kindness in his voice, that I had not heard for a very long time.
And he genuinely sounded like he cared. He offered to call his mum to fight my battle with her. Rarely did he do this when we were together, he usually left it to me to play the "bad" guy.
It had been quite a while since he'd talked to me like that. And it threw me. It brought back alot of memories and feelings that I've done so well to surpress.
So when Miss 8 spoke of it, and asked if he could move in again, and could I still be his wife, it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I sat and cuddled her doing my best not to get carried away myself.
Instead I told her it was good that her Dad and I could talk nicely to each other.
I told her that she was lucky to have two parents who could do that.
I told her all the things that she had to hear, and that I never wanted to believe or admit.
Foty once said when he admitted he was with JS that he thought we were better suited "just as friends" - that cut my heart in two.
I remember throwing back at him, that if that's all he felt after 20 years together, he could go F*ck Himself. 
Anyway Miss 8 was very upset, but I managed to convince her that everything was okay as it was.
Finally although still expressing her hurt, she was calm and laid down to sleep.
Me, I left her room, and sat alone in the family room, going over the conversation with foty in my head. Reminding myself what he'd shown me over the past 14 months. Recalling the sheer pain he'd inflicted and where I was now positioned, two days away from being DIVORCED  .
I reminded myself that he was a flirty person by nature, and I'd just not let him be like that with me, and I would not do so again, especially while my heart was still so vulnerable.
I've been a fool many times with my emotions with foty, I cannot allow it to happen ever again.
I need to see him for what he really is. Not the fake Mask wearing person he has revealed to me.
To end this topic, MIL called me in the morning (Thursday) and relented. I don't know whether foty called her or not, but she said she was okay to pick up the kids after they'd gone to the Boat Show.
I thanked her and told her I was looking forward to seeing her Sunday afternoon.
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-07-03 06:50:28 | Rating: | Views: 120
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Oh E2S! *Hugs* This pulled at my heart! Children are so innocent and Miss 8 wanting her dad back in the house is so sad and yet must be so hard on you. Hang in there. I think you are a wonderful mom! I hope you have a great day and I am glad the kids don't have to go to the boat show!
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Posted by KarKar
on 2008-07-03 10:55:15
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I think you handle the situation very well. All kids want their parents together. It's natural for them to feel that way. You're a great mother and a very strong woman. Just hang in there. Glad your MIL finally agreed.
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Posted by noahseth
on 2008-07-03 16:40:29
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Easy, my friend this one made me teary eyed. You are so amazingly strong and such a wondeful mother. *hugs*
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Posted by Katydids_and_daisies
on 2008-07-03 18:34:45
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I'm so glad MIL finally saw the light and your kids have been spared attending the boat show. Miss 8's words and tears broke my heart. As always you handled it perfectly. Pointing out the positive (that you and her dad can carry on a civil conversation) but also speaking the truth in love thus not giving her false hope that her dad would be moving back in. Many children are forced to endure the divorce of their parents with no one to share their fears, tears and pain with. What a blessing that your children have you. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-04 00:18:26
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You see - things have a way of working themselves out. By the way, the few normal conversations I have had with my ex and they don't amount to many over 22 years, reminded me of the good times we had together. They are to be coveted as together you made two beautiful children. The reality is that he has divided loyalties and he is caught in the middle. The fact that he could speak to you in that way shows the old respect is still there. One day, when you are with someone you care for, you will be able to speak to him in the same way. That lucky guy just isn't here yet.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-04 04:42:34
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K...I like the fact that I can begin my comment with a K and end it with a K...coool isn't it? Now...foty....you spent 20 yrs with this man...you'll probably have some type of feelings for him forever whether bad or good....I still have feelings for Satan...not who and what he is now but the man I initially fell in love with....That was a good man...this asswipe he is now? NO WAY! Sorry...didn't mean to digress....but you know what I'm saying! Love you .....Kazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sorry...i ended with a zzzzzzzzzz
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-04 17:05:09
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I have to go with lastblast, even at the times I am least in love w/ my wife, I still feel she is not a bad person.
I always say she brought me to a place where I could continue to grow and shame is I grew past her
Love if it is real last forever even if it changes
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-07-05 09:17:50
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Easy..Your children will ALWAYS want you back together because that is what is "normal" in their eyes. You handled that well and I think with time it will get a little easier to handle. As time goes by she will grow to accept the fact that sometimes..people who loved each other at one time..just cannot be together. Hang in there sweetie.
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-07-05 09:29:16
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