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| Lie Detector test .. anyone?
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Miss 8 is still upset with her Dad, so I decide I have to call him tonight. Otherwise she is NOT going to sleep.
So I ask her again what happened. It goes like this ..
Foty puts the kids to bed and after I've left the room he asks them if they are excited about sleeping over at his place on Friday night (with JS). Master 5 says defiantly that he doesn't want to, Miss 8 expresses her doubt, says she still wants to "think about it".
Foty who is concerned about Master 5's reaction to her doubt, turns to Miss 8 and says "Thanks alot Miss 8" and then proceeds to tell Master 5 how there will be movies, and they can stay up late and have fun etc etc. Miss 8 not wanting her dad to be angry with her, chimes in and says there might be Pizza too - cause she knows how much Master 5 loves Pizza (I think it's a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Thing!) He still says he's not going.
Foty follows with something to the effect of "yes, you'll be coming."
Foty leaves, Master 5 starts crying telling me he doesn't want to go and foty has once again told him he HAS TO GO. Foty has done this before, and I caught him out the last time.
Now Master 5 is really upset - which doesn't usually happen, so I know he's not just playing a game. Miss 8 is also upset for 2 reasons..
First reason is because foty got stern with her when she voiced her doubts about Friday sleep-over. The other reason is because her Primary School has their OPEN NIGHT tomorrow night - which amongst other things the kids get to display their work and give their parents a tour of the school. She's very excited about it - but foty can't come.
It is on 5:30pm until 8pm - but he says he has a meeting for work - that could go until 7pm or 10pm! I am aware of these sort of meetings - but who knows if he's telling the truth or not - seems Pinocchio is his middle name.
So anyway I call foty, confront him, tell him Master 5 is crying over this - he admits that Master 5 did at first say Yes he'd come and then after time (my guess is he thought about it) he declined and told him he didn't want to go. I explain that Master 5 said he told him that he HAS TO GO.
He denies this and says it sounds like I think he is lying ......... I bite my tongue and I ask him why would a 5 year old make something like that up? He says he doesn't know. We go back and forwards a bit on this.
I tell him about Miss 8 and how she's upset over his tone etc. and he twists that and says that he didn't say it in "that" tone and he was actually genuinely thanking her because she had tried to help him by mentioning Pizza.
I explain to him that she only did that because she doesn't want him to be angry at her!
I think we are in the midst of his conversation ... and he says
"So what do WE do? I still want to pick them up 6:30pm on Friday."
I suggest he calls every night and speak to them. I suggest that Miss 8 would probably be talked into it - because she's been saying how she wants to, BUT Master 5 may not be that easily swayed, and I don't want him to be forced. I explain how lately he actually hasn't wanted to sleep over anywhere, even when Miss 8 has.
I also bring up the Open night - he says yes he has a meeting at work. I call him out and say he never liked going to the open nights anyway. He says we've only been to 2, I remind him we've been to all of them, and each year he wanted to leave as soon as he can.
He says that's rubbish - that he'd seen Miss 8's work and there was no need to stay any longer. We start re-hashing an old argument - how it is NOT about HIM, but about his KIDS.
So I cut it short and we hang up.
The kids are calling me so I have a chat with them about the situation. I explain how they could have so much fun, Take-away, DVD's etc.... and Miss 8 shoots me down .....
"Don't try to talk us into it Mum! You sound like Dad!!!"
at this point I recall the Babywise book I read many years ago - which says something like
" ....... there are plenty of years to be your child's best friend. In their growing up years you need to be their parent and teach them first to be a good person. Be Stern but kind."
So I calmly explain to her that I am merely suggesting they go there and try out their Dad's place. Do it once, if they don't like it then they don't have to do it again. But don't knock it back before they try it.
I really hope I don't regret that decision.
Stay Tuned for the FOTY FILES .... I'm sure this is going to drag out all week!! |
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-05-20 07:38:45 | Rating: | Views: 206
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what is it about foty that the kids don't like? too much of JS time and not time for them alone or do they just sit at his house while foty ignores them? I have a brother-in-law who walked out on his kids two years ago and they still don't want to be with him and his new wife....
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Posted by Hollis
on 2008-05-20 07:46:23
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I think it is a combination of him "talking down" to them,
not being able to "relate" to them, and not trying to. They love Computer games, they love kids TV - he won't go out of his way to share those kids things with them.
He's shown them in the past he'd rather play GOLF than spend a day doing little things with them.
Also I think it is a JS thing too - they used to want to see their Dad - now they have to share him with this Woman - who they believe stole their dad.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-20 07:49:25
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I guess the kids have had so much to get used to recently that this is another milestone to them in the changes, hopefully they will get used to it so that foty can try to make a relationship with them.
It's never ending for you honey, stay strong xxx hugs xxx
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Posted by missmarie
on 2008-05-20 12:20:47
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Devil's Advocate Time: It seems like the only one who wants a relationship between FOTY and his kids is you. What would happen if you just lived your life with your babies and let him figure it out for himself? YOU are the only one putting in any effort to make this happen. If he isn't concerned about losing touch with his family, then why should it fall to you to make up for his shortcomings? How is it your burden to make sure FOTY's new life fits in with theirs?
I admire your strength, Easy, I truly do, but I think it's wasted on FOTY. (Please don't stone me! I just thought that maybe an alternate viewpoint might give you more options)
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-05-20 12:52:02
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I see that the miles you walk to make this whole situation easier on the kids all the while it's killing you still, shows the 'awesome mother' you are. You take on more pain for everyone even foty has you batting for his end of the relationship with the kids. I can see you do this for the kids while they have to spend time with him and his homewrecker. There isn't any reason any of you should suffer another ounce than what has already been thrown into all your lives.
I do think like with any relationship you can't and won't ever make him get his priorties in order. Only he can care enough to do that. But this sucks so bad that you are put in a situation that you have to make up for all his mistakes and look out for the kids even on his time.
I think if they don't want to go I wouldn't even force it this time. Most likely (if they don't go) this will be his excuse to back away even more from them unless he chooses to wake up and fight for a relationship with them without you handing it to him. You are 'mother' there isn't anything wrong with spending this effort to ease the blows to your kids. It's all in what you can handle and what you feel is their and your best interest!
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-05-20 14:31:00
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You are such an awesome mother. I can't believe how strong you are and how much you try for your kids to have a relationship with their father. I can't imagine that they would have a relationship with him, if it were not for your efforts. There should be more parents like you.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-05-20 14:34:57
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EasyToSay ... You are truly amazing. I guess it's a good thing I was never blessed with children as I could never do what you are doing. FOTY's words "So what do we do?" really got to me. It's like he's another child and you are the Mum to him also. He looks to you to wipe his nose and put a bandage on his booboos. The guys a grown man ... time he stood on his own two feet, took responsibility for his actions and was allowed to suffer the consequences for his screw ups. If he can't figure out how to have a relationship with his kids ... tough sh**. My heart breaks everytime I read of your two little darlings crying and not wanting to go to daddy's for a sleep over. Bless you Easy and Bless your two precious little ones. Sorry for the rant. I'm now taking a deep calming breath to calm down from reading this post. Peace & Love
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-20 15:43:55
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