He came bearing gifts tonight for Easter - you know the Event that isn't important enough to see your children for!  So he came tonight instead - Tuesday ... two days too late as far as I'm concerned.

The kids and I had gone to see "Horton heard a Who" after I finished work.  Miss 8's friend had come along and invited her over for dinner - but due to FOTY's visit I declined for Miss 8 - who not surprisingly wasn't impressed and would have preferred to go to her friends house.

So I compromised and told her to call her Dad to see if he was definitely coming, and if not (cause it wouldn't have been the first time he'd cancelled) then she could go.
But surprisingly he wasn't at work when she called, and hadn't been all day according to the person who answered his phone.

Anway so he turns up bearing gifts and since the first lot of the Financial Settlement had been given to him, I was actually pleasantly surprised that he knocked and rang the door bell instead of walking in with his key - which yes he still has.  Oh and he was in shirt and pants - and says he was at work for half the day.

We were eating tea still, since he was half an hour earlier than usual - probably because he wasn't at work.
So I gulped my down and left the table.  Of course there was NO tea for him, I'd stopped that crazy ritual a few weeks ago at my solicitors suggestion. So he sat there while the kids finished.  I offered him a drink which he accepted.

After tea the kids wanted to show him their Queensland Photos & Video's which I'd already burnt onto DVD's..... I'm obsessive about those things - and very impatient when waiting for photo's, but anyway they sat and watched it all.

The kids were so excited and animated and were giving him a blow by blow account of each scene or activity.  Now I actually stayed and watched a bit with them, just in case, I told myself.  I noticed him looking quite, um how do I describe it - sort of sad, but sort of maybe disinterested.. not sure.  But he definitely looked like the odd one out.

Now the crazy thing about this is that I felt sorry for him.  I felt bad for not cooking him tea, I felt bad about him giving up the keys to our house - now MY house.... I felt total regret for him.
It was like it was radiating out of him - I starting thinking that he was not happy... and I felt bad for him.
Is that crazy or what??

As he left he said "Oh, do you want these back? or not?" he was holding out the keys to MY house.
"I guess so," I replied feeling sadness in the pit of my stomach. Just one more nail in the coffin of our marriage.

I didn't feel like being mean, I didn't feel like snapping at him, I just didn't feel anything - no anger, just nothing.
When he left I actually gave him a brief hug and told him I thought he looked sad - to which he answered "Oh thanks, but I'm just not feeling good."  Then he left.

It was weird, one week ago I was ready to ring his neck and tonight I felt bad for him.
I finally saw in his eyes that he was missing out and I think maybe he knew it.

But I shouldn't get too carried away, I'm sure he was out most of the day with JS planning their wedding.
Which I have a gut feeling for him that it is not going to be enjoyable for him - no matter how much he wants to do it.  So I'm sure by Saturday when he comes to take the kids I'll be back to being myself - and not have sympathy for this person who has put me through so much pain in the past 12 months....... I know you guys will help remind me to see the light!   Oh or the DIVORCE papers which will probably  come after April 20 - that will snap me back into the reality of the situation