Well it was always going to be an interesting night, after the phone conversation of the night before. The emails of this morning and the preceding phone exchange.
So when FOTY arrived late (as usual), all the prep. work I'd done with the kids - you know eating early, talking about Daddy coming to see them, and won't that be good...... well it all went out the window.
We were talking to the neighbours when he finally got here, and he didn't bother saying hi, just let himself in the house, turned on the TV while the kids and I remained outside.
When we did come in, he was sitting on the couch watching TV.
I whispered to Master 4 to go sit with him, and Miss 8 followed suit. I said Hello, and his reply may have been to a person on another planet - quiet and uninterested.
I see the kids look at me, I think they are wondering what is going to happen, so I offer him a drink. He declines this without looking at me.
So I do the right thing, I leave him to play with the kids - after all he's here for them, not me. Miss 8 starts reading to him, which bores Master 4 - who wants his Dad to play with him. FOTY not knowing which way to turn tells Master 4 - In a minute and listens to Miss 8 read.
This is fair enough, I know only too well how you can only do one activity at a time. However Master 4 asks me to play a game with him so I do. FOTY spends the whole time with Miss 8 - and it annoys me that five minutes after I offer him a drink and he declines that he asks Miss 8 to get him one! But I don't bite.
It comes to bed time and Miss 8 says she wants to speak to both of us - very grown up and mature I think. Then she says she wants us to make up and for her Dad to move in.
Well he jumps in and says "I don't love Mummy anymore, and that is not going to happen."
He doesn't sugar coat it and I feel the sting of the words.
Miss 8 doesn't get deterred by this, she tells her Dad that I'm loveable and a really nice person, and he should just love me again.
He again says "It's not going to happen."
She turns to me with a sad but cheeky look on her face, and says but you are still married, you have to live with us. He repeats "I don't Love your mummy ... but I still love you guys!"
I nod and smile at Miss 8 and give the kids both a kiss and a cuddle and leave the room.
FOTY comes out a short while later, and asks what he needs to do from here. How were we going to get the kids going with him again. I remain calm and give him my suggestions, he nods and agrees with me.
He even says he knows he has been at fault. I suggest that he work with me, and work with the kids and NOT tell them they HAVE to do what he says if they don't want to - as in go with him. He tells me that sometimes they just NEED to be TOLD and they NEED to DO IT!
Up until that point he was doing so well.
We get into a discussion about how JS made up that Father Son thing at first he doesn't want to talk about it - then admits that she changed her story and says she must have gotten confused. He concedes he thought I was trying to cause trouble. But does not apologise!
I ask him what else did she tell him about the conversation - he tells me NOT MUCH !?
We discuss Easter, now I am going away with the kids and we get back Saturday evening... and Sunday is EASTER SUNDAY when the eggs are delivered by the Easter Bunny.
I ask him if he'll be coming on the Sunday to see the kids for Easter, and he says no - that he's going away with her !!
And he'll just see the kids the following week-end!
Correct me if I'm wrong but - surely Easter is another one of those events that is
1) A religious holiday
and
2) like Christmas - Family time and especially for the kids????
Where has this mans' family values gone?
Is it fair that he's moved on, is extremely happy - planning his next marriage while his kids are second best? We'd just finished talking about how he's not made any effort to see them and he NEEDS to ... and he agrees but then tells me he's planning on going away with her for EASTER???
I am tired of being strong tonight, I get teary and when he finally leaves ...... I cry.
I sit and cry by myself. Now this is going to sound pretty lame, but this is where I miss having a partner, I am by myself, and I have nobody to give me a hug and tell me it is all going to be alright.
I would not swap a partner with my kids EVER - but surely he doesn't get to have it all - when I'm the one doing all the hard work???
This sounds selfish I know, and my reward is my children growing up secure and feeling loved and wanted.
But I want to be loved and wanted too - yes my children give me that - but ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-03-11 07:53:26 | Rating: | Views: 167
human contact. you need human contact. anything. i do know what you're talking about. thats why i'm getting a puppy. hes not human but its a warm blooded breathing thing and i won't be so lonely again. your ex needs to go to family counseling to get his shit together. he needs parenting skills which he doesn't currently have it seems. love your kids enough for two and you keep them grounded. you're doing great.
You have every right to be hurt/angry at what he's become. The time will come when you can sever yourself from your past and bloom. He will miss it to his loss. I hope they'll be happy wallowing in loserville.
He sucks. From a past life I can tell you that he will not be truly happy with this new life for long. As for you, you will find someone that makes you happy again.
In the past FOTY had always come after you about the time you found someone else. I wonder what he would do if he thought you were happy and seeing someone special again. If every time he spoke with you or came over he found you without any anger or sarcasm as if to say you don't matter a drop to me. You obviously deflated JS's bubble when you told her you wouldn't take him back. He probably lost alittle of his appeal.. Part of it with her is probably feeling like she won a victory. It's a game to her. Something to brag about. I'd like to see his reaction if he finds a different you who he believes has met the man of her dreams and has never been happier. Obviously they have a relationship that is built on lies. It will never last I can assure you of this. I believe your husband is in a mislife crisis but one day he'll come thru it and his little ditzy girlfriend/exwife will lose all appeal to him.... I believe he'll regret his actions one day. The children are a part of you and him. He obviously cares deeply about them. It is good that they are not making it easy on him. He doesn't deserve easy. It is normal to feel everything you feel and I am speechless at the self-centered man FOTY is. He is getting what he deserves in JS. You will survive and come out of this in the end on top, secure, and happy.
Absolutely agree. Kids don't mince words and it is good that they aren't making it easy for him. Let him work at a relationship with them, you don't need to offer him advice! Let him wallow in his inadequacies...you will be fine. You're the parent here, he's a pathetic man making one mistake after another. Don't bail him out. Let your kids see him for what he is. Yes, you will have to take up the slack, but haven't you already been doing that??
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