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After a bit of emailing back and forth, we finally found a gap in our schedule around 1pm.
I'd just eaten lunch so I wasn't really up for a coffee, so I decided a Hot Chocolate would suffice as a dessert!
Not that I usually have dessert at lunch time, but oh..... yes you are right, I'm delaying telling you about it. I guess from that you can already guess it didn't go as planned.
12:55pm came around, and I really wasn't looking forward to going. I agreed with the feedback left, thank you all very much, I appreciated it. I knew I had to do it in person, I knew I had to say it, I knew I couldn't lead him on.
So why didn't I just blurt out and tell him?
I didn't leave when I should've instead getting into a conversation with (H)wg. But Funny work guy knew I had to go, so he took over the conversation and told me to get my butt out of there. So when I arrived at the corner cafe, Kevin Bacon Lookalike (KBL) was standing there, hands in his pockets, shuffling his feet. He saw me smiled and then stepped back and sort of leaned against the wall.
He had the James Dean look about him today. His hair was dishevelled, his facial hair rough and unshaven, all he needed was a cigarette half hanging out of his mouth. Mind you if he really did look like that I wonder if I would've be open to the welcome he seemed to moving towards.
Instead as he moved towards me, I turned to the side as I said "Hi," and motioned him into the cafe door, by turning my body away from him.
"Hi," he replied, making no effort to hide his eyes looking me up and down.
It was in no way sleazy, but it did make me glad it was casual day at work.
I was casual but stylish (in my opinion) wearing skinny leg jeans, black boots just below the knees, and a charcoal long cardigan covering a tightly fitting white hooded knit top. Nothing special really. Just enough to be warm and fashionable (again in my opinion).
He followed me into the cafe, we ordered and sat down opposite each other.
He apologised for his appearance, claiming he also has "Casual dress Fridays". He admitted he hadn't shaved, and told me he hadn't even brushed his hair this morning. Obviously he's trying to impress.... Not! 
He told me I looked great. I apologised for being a little late, and when I explained why - that I'd been caught up in a work conversation, he told me he knew I was too nice, and that he would've brushed off his colleagues if it was his lunch time.
He asked what I'd been doing, he told me he'd been unwell and explained the details. He asked what I had planned for the week-end. I told him straight out that I was busy tomorrow (Saturday). Said I was going to see Dark Knight ... alone. He asked why and shook his head sort of mockingly, but joking. I suggested he try it sometime. He told me NO WAY.
I knew he had one of his children's party on the week-end (it was in one of his emails), but when I asked him what he was up to, he said nothing at this stage.
It was a really casual conversation, and I did not feel like I had any opportunity to say,
"Well it's like this, I'm just not into you."
or
"I'm just not feeling it."
It was like we were just a couple of old friends catching up. He even teased me about only having 20 minutes to chat with him, and was I really "that" busy all the time.
When it was time to go (I had another meeting at 1:30pm which I'd explained) he seemed to move towards me to "kiss" me like he had in previous meets, but I purposely moved to the left and exclaimed something about it feeling like slight rain.
His last words to me were,
"Give me a call when you've got some spare time. Maybe we can catch up again."
"Thanks for the coffee." I said ignoring his comment.
I went back to the office to find my 1:30pm meeting had been cancelled. I barely had time to call Kaybee when an email from him arrived.
You see I was explaining to Kaybee that maybe I'd over estimated his perception of our relationship, and how the coffee "date" was really casual and easy going. I really didn't feel any need to say "sorry mate, we are not going to happen." I almost felt like if I said that, I would look over confident, or a bit presumptious.
But his email made it clear that he thinks so much more of me. With respect to him I won't put the entire email in here, but I will paste in a few bits. Kaybee suggested not to paste it in, but I feel like I need to explain it,
so you don't think I'm conceited (or by posting it am I being so?);
================================
I worked out today what it is about you that I tried , very badly, to explain way back in November !!
It’s a combination :…those eyes !!...my God !...combined with your smile…and just “you” as such…
You have natural sex appeal !!
And one other thing :
If you stay single for much longer then
1) there is something seriously wrong with the male population in Melbourne !
2) you would be doing a disservice to the male population of Melbourne
and finally :
I don’t know him and I have no right to say anything of him but….
Your ex husband must have been absolutely crazy to ever think of doing anything that would mean losing you !
So there it is. No need to reply and I don’t expect one
Have a fantastic weekend
And stay beautiful
==================================
I read this and started feeling bad that I didn't come out and say that I wasn't interested.
I think part of the problem was I didn't have the right words.
I mean what are the right words here? He didn't ask me on a date.
He didn't expect anything from me, he didn't ask for any time from me, we just chatted.
No physical contact.
We paid for our own drinks.
To on lookers we looked like friends not lovers.
To me we were friends, not a prospective couple.
To him maybe something more. I was too afraid to ask, and I didn't make it clear that there won't be.
I don't want to lead him on, I am not like that.
I'm just struggling for the right words to give him.
Suggested words would be good here people....
or do I just leave it for now?
I'm at a loss.
Easy for once speechless Out
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-07-18 06:39:42 | Rating: | Views: 215
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tell him you have an American beau, and inform him I have a record! Uhm... wow Peaches, I find it best to be straight forward, just let him know you're not into him. It'd be better than the poor guy laying in bed with visions of you in his head, ya dig. Any way I loved this post.
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Posted by tonyrayhutchison
on 2008-07-18 06:58:29
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KB - thanks for dropping by, we met for 2 coffee dates in Nov 07. But then we both went off and dated others. Then we went on a dinner date 2 weeks ago, 7 months later. He seems keen to progress, I'm not. But he's not pushing, he's not controlling things, he's sitting back. But at the same time he's throwing small hints that he'd like to see me more, today when I decided to let him know, I didn't get anything from him to give me the opportunity to squash it...
Yes I am a caring person, sometimes too much so....
Thanks again :)
YOURS .... maybe I will :) xx promise? or threat?
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-18 07:10:12
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It must be hard to get back into dating after a divorce. Sometimes after someone has hurt us so much, we just don't want "nice." You're not into this guy...so I would just let him go. You deserve to have someone you are totally into and this doesn't sound like him. There's no rush...you'll find him.
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Posted by slowtolearn
on 2008-07-18 07:32:34
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wait, wait...speechless?? Bloody hell, Sheila! Stone the flamin' crows, hehe xxx I wouldnt worry about it too much, you havent led him on and he has said you dont have to reply, so I'd just move forward...if he doesnt float your boat, he doesnt and thats okay...just dont fret about it xxx Dave...out xxx
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Posted by geordiedreamer
on 2008-07-18 08:02:55
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Slowtolearn - it isn't hard to get back into dating if you have time.... It is hard to trust, it is hard to let down the walls. You are right though, we don't want nice... we want what we had, but with the hurtful bits taken out.
Dave - I know, but only in regards to this situation! lol. I just like closure, once I've decided I have decided !!
easy out xx
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-18 08:13:28
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Just on a side note,
Whoow for breaking your recored on posts. Only 31 to go.
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Posted by KP
on 2008-07-18 09:28:10
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Ok...so here's my question...do you want to break off all contact with him or do you want to keep him as a friend? It seems you guys have a decent "friend" relationship and you have in no way led him on. I usually tell my daughter she absolutely must tell guys that they are in the "friend zone" in person. It shows that you respect them and care about them even if you don't feel "that" way about them. But I think in your situation if you email him back it would be acceptable to add a line about how you're very glad to have his "friendship" because "friends" are what you really need most right now. That way...it's like you're already assuming that you're just friends...and he gets the vibe in a totally nice non-rejecting manner. Worth a try? Unless you just want him out of your life, in which case you're probably going to have to be way more forceful. =[
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Posted by princess__spot
on 2008-07-18 11:26:40
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I think you probably were right in not acting to presumptuous on such a casual meeting. Following your intuition like that usually does pay off. I have to disagree with a lot of other posters that I don't think it would be bad to respond to his e-mail thanking him for the kind compliments and explaining how you feel at this point in time.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-18 11:30:49
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I agree with Jaded.
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Posted by KarKar
on 2008-07-18 12:25:20
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wow it sounds like you're a hottie! :P
This one is a tough one. I think it's sort of rude to not reply to his e-mail...since he did compliment you lots!!!
But on the other hand, if you do reply, you'd be leading him on...unless you reply to say you're just seeing him as a friend like Princess_spot said in her comment.
I wish I had a solid answer for you..but I have no clue.
Follow your heart/go with the flow... I guess, and you should be okay.
Best of luck!!!
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Posted by Cecy24
on 2008-07-18 13:36:16
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I agree with Tony, you shouldnt leave him hanging. Tough situation. Its sort of stuck right in the middle of "tell him" and "leave it". All the best and in the words of KBL, stay beautiful :]
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Posted by smileforthecamera
on 2008-07-18 14:45:00
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If I'm reading your post correctly this man has thrown the ball into your court ... "give ME a call when you have some spare time" and "no need to reply and I don't expect one". I think he senses that you are not smitten with him. So he's testing the waters a bit ... if he doesn't hear from you then his suspicions are confirmed. Remember Easy you don't have to catch every single ball that is thrown your way. Sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action.
I also don't believe you have to tear someone down when the connection isn't there. Something like .... "you know (his name) the ink is hardly dry on my divorce papers ... I'm just not ready for a serious intense relationship at this time," should suffice if he continues to pursue you.
I have found that men fall head over heals in love (or lust) very quickly. When I last found myself in this situation I didn't know the guy well enough to base an opinion on whether we would work or not .... so I said "I want to take things slow ... I want to get to know you ... I hope you want to get to know me as well." He didn't stick around, leading me to believe he was only interested in one thing. To continue to accept coffee dates, carry on long phone conversations and remain silent while he lays on the gushing compliments is leading him on. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-18 16:36:39
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He has volleyed the continuation of a relationship to you. . .I would not contact him.
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Posted by cwzywbt
on 2008-07-18 19:35:17
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I agree with Colorado - he left you with an out by telling you that he did not expect a response, so don't give him one. I can say most sincerely that I know where you are coming from. I've been in this position too many times and it sucks! (Might be in it right now but giving it one more shot.)
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-18 20:21:16
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are you interested in luxury as I am?
anyone can visit my blog and be my friend ^.^
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Posted by eylcecooper
on 2008-07-19 04:47:09
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I also agree with Colorado, men do fall in lust easily, for the most part, and from that E-mail, well, it sounds as if he's more interested in the way you look, I'm kind of surprised he didn't have anything else to say, woulda been a good ego boost, though.
And yeah, the other things I have to say are pretty much covered here, particuarly what Colorado said: "To continue to accept coffee dates, carry on long phone conversations and remain silent while he lays on the gushing compliments is leading him on." And I reckon the later you leave it, the worse it'll be for him, because he would have had more time to fall for you.
Good luck, sis, seriously. :)
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Posted by Mezlie
on 2008-07-19 07:02:31
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