Thoughts.com Blogs - FOTY update....divorce & the derr factor!

For over a week now I've been avoiding my own solicitor, why? Because I didn't want to make an appointment to sign the Divorce papers.
FOTY applied for them, "as a Joint Application" even though we requested they be a single or sole application.

I didn't want something else to be handed to him and his mistress. Her (31st) birthday is on 28th May - and if I signed the papers when they were first available, then there was a good chance that FOTY and the Pole Dancer (JS) would have something else to celebrate. Why give them a double celebration?

So when my solicitor's PA called yesterday I was reluctant at first to organise anything. But after she offered to call me again in a week I decided to just make an appointment.

Why? Because I am a better person than they are, because I don't like to prolong the inevitable, and also truth be known, I don't want to be married to him anymore.

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Then came Tuesday evening, when he blesses us with his presence.
Once again he floats around with a big "HI!" greeting. I greet him back (pleasantly) and stayed out of sight.

I can't wait until the kids are older and I can tell him to take them out to dinner and stay out of MY house! If you are wondering why I can't do that already, it is because he WON'T leave work early on a Tuesday to come see his kids earlier.
He usually arrives around 6:30pm - the kids have eaten by 6pm. Then the kids go to bed anywhere between 7:30pm and 8pm.

Are you doing the calculation in your head?? Yes my friends he spends 1 hour to 1.5 hours on a Tuesday night with his kids ... and 10am - 5pm on Saturdays ... so he spends oh 8 - 8.5 hours with his kids a week. (they have slept at his house once in 12 months - now they don't want to!) Isn't he so generous with his time!?

Anyway so he was around, did the usual I'm FATHER of THE YEAR (FOTY) routine with the kids and finally put them to bed.

He throws $10 my way for the Mothers Day stall at Miss 8's school the next day (today). I think Miss 8 told him about it, cause she protested when I gave her some money in an envelope for it, she said she should be paying for my Mothers Day gift not Me! What a sweet girl she is!

So then I breach the subject of the divorce papers ... I ask him WHY he has filed for a JOINT application for divorce? And not a SOLE Application - which is what my solicitor requested.

Of course he answers that he doesn't know why? What a "tosser" I think to myself. Then he adds - "What does it matter in the long run?" Which leads me to think he knows exactly what he's doing.

So I tell him I'm reluctant to sign them in this situation, as I am NOT to blame. He agrees that it is not anything I did.... it was him!
You know the old ... Oh honey it's not you, it's me! routine!

I suggest he asks his solicitor the difference, because I am NOT Happy.
I explain to him that I did NOT want this divorce, and I should not look like I do want it.

Once again he asks me what's the difference, and in the LONG RUN what does it matter? (Which is true, but it's the principle).

It was a civil conversation, and he tells me he's happy to do it whatever way I want... he just wants it to be done. Oh for your wedding I say outloud - is that why you are in a rush! He replies that the wedding has NOTHING to do with the DIVORCE!

Who is he kidding here, unless the BIGAMY laws have changed he cannot get re-married unless he is first legally divorced!

Anyway he does another thing here which makes me smile inside. I ask him when the big day is for him and pole dancing hoe .... and he shrugs and says "Um, I think February 2009 sometime!"

I jump on this ... "You don't know? You don't even know the date ?"
I'm sure he picks up on my sarcasm but just shrugs looking slightly sheepish.
"Oh, sometime in February he repeats."

Now the friend at his work has already told me that Ms Pole Dancer (JS) has been telling all who will listen that they are getting married on February 7th 2009 and they've even picked out a few venues. That was a month ago, so they've probably already booked it.

So anyway, he goes home with the final say being that I will speak to my solicitor since I had an appointment with him the next day (today). But he would do whatever I wanted to get the papers signed.

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Today he sends me an email letting me know that he's transferred the money that he offered to pay for half of Miss 8's extra activities..... interestingly that originally he refused saying he already paid it in the maintenance!
He also asks for me to let him know what the solicitor says.
His email is jokey, with a bit of banter and few smiley faces in it!!!
Who is he kidding!

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Fast forward I go see my solicitor, he tells me that in the long run there really is no difference with the application type. FOTY will be saving himself a fee for getting the papers SERVED on me if it were a sole application but other than that not too much more. But he's happy for me to make it difficult for him - if I want to!!!!!

I point out that I did NOT think the marriage was over on 20th April when he first moved out and that we were still sleeping together for a few months after.
He smiles a wicked smile and says he's happy to put that date down for the official date that I believe the marriage was over. He does however point out that I will have to go to court to state that, and it may turn ugly.

Oh incidentally the date FOTY has put down for when we were married is out by a year!
He doesn't even know which year we were married. Seems he doesn't know his 10 times tables! So it seems the papers will be slightly delayed while they correct this!

Either way I want to go my solicitor is happy to pursue it if I want!
But also points out that FOTY may not still pay for the costs incurred if I do that.

At which point my common sense jumps up and smacks me in the face..... I don't want to be married to this Putz, I don't want to waste another minute of my life being married to a cheater.

I sign the papers then and there, and comment that I could do it ... but then I'd just be being a Bitch!

** at this remark the receptionist says "There is nothing wrong with doing that!"

- as a side note I found out that the receptionists husband cheated on and left her for another woman. Her husband makes FOTY look like an angel.
She found out on the day after their son's birth (while she was still in hospital) that her husband was cheating on her.
Not only was he cheating on her, but his younger girlfriend (again from his work) was pregnant with his child....
Now he says he was only with this woman for a few weeks, but get this ... she gave birth to his child 3 months AFTER his wife gave birth to his son. Nice guy huh!
Pretty sad that such an arse-hole existed that made FOTY look like an angel in the cheating stakes!