A few weeks back you may recall I received an email from my sister asking why I wanted to "reconnect" with long lost relatives and yet didn't want to re-connect with her.
My reply to her was pretty straight forward (click here to refer to previous blog)
and went something like this :-
We are friends as well as sisters, but we are very different. We travel in different circles, we have different responsibilities, different goals, wants and needs.
I have children and they are my Number 1 priority. You know I am a single mother.
I am also trying to meet some tough challenges at work - So most of my spare time goes to this,
I have to say I was a little disapointed with how you reacted to Master 5 when you were here the other Sunday.
He was so pleased to see you and was so proud of his PS2 game level and you told him you didn't want to see it. It would have taken you 5 minutes to go take a look and tell him how impressed you were. But instead you insisted on burning those DVD's even after I told you it was not necessary.
Miss 8 loves seeing you too. But I notice sometimes you joke with her and are sometimes sarcastic (in fun I know) but kids thrive on attention - positive attention. Sarcasm is lost of kids, who often feel like they are being made fun of.
I also feel sometimes that if I ask you a favour, you expect something in return.
Sometimes when I do try to discuss things with you, instead of listening, you tell me your opinion on it.
You shot me down.
** I have reduced this for boredom and privacy reasons (LOL)
Her response was this (once again abridged!):-
I know you're children are you're number 1 priority, as they should be, and im not suggesting that changes.
When i dropped in the other night, i was tired, i had already gone and watched Master 5 playing PS2 and i didn't want to have to keep getting up and going to see each different character, it doesnt interest me and perhaps rather than tell me you're disappointed cause i wouldn't do what he wanted me to do, you could've explained to him that i don't like computer games? In my opinion he spends far too much time playing those computer games. Computer games do not interest me, neither do watching movies, when im only dropping in for a short visit.
I am sorry if you feel i shut you down with the guy in America, but i've had lots of conversations with people online, and you used to tell me i should do the online thing and go out and find a boyfriend etc, well it aint that easy. I've met many losers, freaks, people who pretend they are someone else online and i was concerned that's the last thing you needed at the moment.
I don't want to mention to you or anyone i want to come around, i want to receive an invitation to visit.
My response?? I didn't respond, I don't need this at the moment, I have enough to deal with!
Then I get a phone message from her - which was abrupt and just asks me to call her.
So I do.
She is okay to start with, lecturing me how we should be "making" our Mum do more brain exercises to make her more alert and more motivated. 10 years after the brain surgery and she wants to change the habits/lifestyle of our Mum & Dad! If my Dad thought this was a good Idea I'd push it. But Mum & Dad are happy.
Then we get into the email conversation. She tells me that I should not have told her I was disappointed with her approach to Master 5. She tells me her friends who have kids tell their kids to "leave her alone" if they "bother" her too much. She said she had come around to basically see me and do the DVD's for me - which I was grateful for, but DID NOT ASK FOR!
Now she's had a go at me a few times about Master 5 playing computer games (PS2, N-DS,) or watching TV at my mum's when she visits during the day (and I'm at work). She's told me (as she did in the email) that he does it TOO MUCH! and it is NOT RIGHT!
Now she doesn't see him other than the 2 hours or so she's at my parents, she doesn't see him playing in the street after school, she doesn't see him running around at Gymnastics or Karate.
So anyway I tell her that maybe if she paid more attention to him in his home then maybe he'd be interested in "playing" with her when she's at my parents house. She repeats that she didn't come to play with the kids.
This gets my shackles up. I explain to her that if she comes to my house, then she will need to interact with my children, Her niece & nephew as well. And that i will NOT tell my children to "Leave her alone". (unless they are being silly, but they just wanted her attention)
She says that I'm being unfair!!
I explain that my family is a UNIT! and again if she comes over then I expect her to be cordial to the kids and it is not the 16th century where children are seen but not heard.
My blood is boiling, but I notice Miss 8 starting to listen. So I speak sternly and tell her very slowly
If she does not want to interact with my children as well, then don't come to my house.
She gets angry back and says "Fine, I won't come to your house, ever again! Okay, I won't come ever again. BYE!" With that she hangs up on me.
Fuming I call my parents and warn them what's just happened and what is going to happen..... sure enough she tries to call them. Dad says he'd better go deal with it!
That was last Saturday. I saw her at Mum's on mothers Day and she said Hi & Bye to me at the appropriate times, interacted a little with Miss 8, but basically sat at the table "Playing" on her laptop!
Tonight I speak to my Dad and he says he wants to talk to me about it.
He knows I couldn't be bothered, and I've got a stack on my plate, but he believes family is family no matter what. We agree to talk about it later. But I will be demanding a DNA test before agreeing to too much more!!
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