EasyToSay

Introducing PETER ... cute cuddly ..

2009-08-11T08:20:17-04:00

One of my very good friends has noticed how much sleep I'm NOT getting, and she's suggested that I go to bed a little earlier to remain vibrant, healthy and sane.

You all know I'm not sane, but I appreciate her pointing out my lack of sleep time. So last night around 9:30pm I started wrapping up my night. I was doing a little bit of work, I was cruising thoughts.com and I was browsing Facebook and my other "new" site. When suddenly Miss 9 came out of her bedroom ashen faced and said,

"Mum there's someone outside my window."

"I doubt it Miss 9, it's late please go back to bed," I reassured her knowing if there was a person outside Sparky the dog would be going totally Nuts.

A minute or so later she came back again,

"Someone is hitting my window. Honest," she said looking at me worried.

For a minute I got a dreaded schitte what if there really is someone out there. I had a glance around the study where I was sitting and then recalled my aluminium softball bat in my cupboard. Miss 9 was looking at me for comfort so I threw that idea out of my head and boldly went to the back door.

Sparky was out there and he had this "come look come look" expression on his face and he was kinda jumping up and down as he raced back towards Miss 9's window sill. Sighing I told her to wait here and I'd go see. As I turned on the outside light Sparky raced as fast as he could back to her window and started jumping up into the small tree that grows beside the room.

A torch, I needed a torch I thought to myself, instead, and you are going to laugh at this... I grabbed my new point and shoot camera that I won in the photography competition. I followed Sparky down to the tree and Miss 9's window and looked. But my human eyes couldn't see anything. So me being me, and the crazy photographer that I am pointed the camera at the tree and took a shot. The flash lit up the area and on inspection of the image on the LCD screen I saw what the commotion was caused by.

It was a little brown fluffy, possum. My first thoughts were "awwwwww isn't he cute" my second thoughts were, "Wait I don't like these guys anymore they'll get into my roof and urinate everywhere, then they'll wreck the ceiling and I'll have to get it replastered, and then they'll chew the wires and ...." well you could see I'd gone into Home owner mode instead of the usual Mummy, animal lover mode.

(Miss 9 looking up)
But what the heck do I do about it? Sparky was jumping up and down, Miss 9 had wandered out and was using my line .. "awwww isn't it cute, can we pat it?"

"No, don't touch it, " I warned her. You see these "CUTE" fluffy things have the sharpest claws which was how it was clinging onto the wall, and their teeth are pretty sharp.. and their urine stinks like crazy.

So I did what any single mum would do, I phoned a friend! And unfortunately I woke him up.

"What do I do?" I exclaimed down the phone. "there's a possum on the wall, what do I do?"

My friend lied and told me I didn't wake him, we established it was a ring tail possum - it's tail curls around branches etc for stability and also has a white tip. Then he proceeded to tell me to just take the dog inside and leave it alone and it would go away.

Well I thanked him and went and grabbed my REAL camera and I shot him!
LOL.. yes I shot him .. and some of the images are below. After I'd taken around 50 photos we all went inside and waited.

I got a text from my friend who prompted me to go check on Peter's status (Peter the Possum), who was gone. So I let the dog out, Miss 9 went to bed and I downloaded the photos onto facebook. Finally I got to bed after midnight. So tonight, shortly I'm off to bed.

Oh and a question I got asked was why did I want the possum to go away? Why should I shoo it with a broom (a suggestion on facebook). Well for the very reasons above, they dont respect houses and like to live in the roof. They are nocturnal and often keen us awake. But they are very much protected and you are not allowed to dispose of them yourself, you must hire a "Possum Guy" who for a fee will set traps and remove them, but there is a limit to how far away they can re-locate them, and most times the possum comes back as they are habitual creatures.

Anyway not sure if you guys have seen possums, so I hope you like the shots I took

xx xx

Assistant Wedding Photographer

2009-08-11T07:04:06-04:00

I know to some it may appear like my blog jumps from one topic to the next without coming back to give you closer on some topics. I don't mean to do that, it's just that well if I don't blog in the moment sometimes it's no longer easy to be motivated to share it with you.

I wonder sometimes what it is with me, like right now I want to blog to tell you about my potential (Un)paid job as a Wedding photographers assistant which I'm going for a meet and greet with on Saturday, but my email icon just indicated to me that I've got a new email.

I have to go check, see what it is about, I live in hope that every bit of news I get is good news. I don't have time for bad news, bad surprises let downs anymore. Some might leave the email in case it's bad, and thus changes the mood of this blog. Okay I'll leave it, I'll keep writing and sharing my news with you. But don't forget I have to tell you about my visit from a possum, and yes I took photos, would you expect anything less from me?

I also have a romantic blog in my head, after a nice IM the other night with a beautiful guy who is a great friend of mine.

Ok ok back to the details .. Well as you know I joined another site, which is for photographers. It has tutorials on it, it has forums, it has photography related articles. I did mention I had to pay to be a member, but it is sooooooo worth it. Did you get that? It is soooooo worth it.

Well today again it has paid for itself when one of the ladies I've befriended from the workshops and the site called me to see if I'd checked out the latest posts in the forums. I replied that I had, but which one in particular was she talking about.

It seems there was an advertisement for a Wedding Assistant. Cannot pay but would love to give someone the opportunity to be her assistant whilst learning whats needed to do weddings, and also having the chance to capture "in the moment shots" you know those ones where the Primary photographer is busy with the bride and groom and the flower girl and page boy are fooling around. That would be my job (amongst other things) to capture that moment that nobody is focusing on.

So I thanked my friend who by the way also called the photographer, and I emailed the lady and called her leaving her a message.

She called me back tonight and we chatted, our personalities seem to gel, although I get the feeling over the phone that she could be both assertive and too sweet at times too. Which is actually a good thing. There are not that many female wedding photographers so it's refreshing to meet one.

Anyway long story short I'm going over to meet her on Saturday and she has a wedding coming up in the nearby town to me. She suggested that if myself and my friend were right for her personality that we could take turns assisting her depending on where the wedding was since my friend and I live at opposite sides of the city. FANTASTIC!

This works for me because
a) I don't want to spend every week-end doing something I dont get paid for
(don't get me wrong I WOULD do it if I had to)

b) I want that experience, I want to learn, I want to be able to do this all by myself. I want to see the inside view of the wedding photography role.

Anyway I'm pretty much floating around at the moment. I'm going to meet with her Saturday mid morning after foty takes the kids (he's having them Saturday night)!! I am also going riding on Saturday afternoon, so my day couldn't get much better than that really.

So stay tuned I may well be ready to do my own in a few months .. I mean as the Primary Photographer not my own wedding!

3 - Occassional Lover (Part 3)

2009-08-10T09:55:45-04:00

My apologies for taking so long with this, so much has gone on.
This is a first draft so excuse any errors I've made, I was interrupted by a possom (more later) and it's almost midnight, so I really just want to post it.

READ chapter 2 => Here

Emily finished her cup of tea and carefully placed it down on the saucer. She looked up at Katie wondering how to approach the subject that they often discussed. It was easy to look from the outside and give directions, but it was Katie’s heart she was most concerned about.

“Well what are you going to do dear?” she approached slowly.

“With what?” Katie asked knowingly. She’d noticed the look in Emily’s eyes she knew just what was coming. Like always she played her role of innocent and naïve.

“With Rhys. Isn’t it time you drew a line in the sand and asked him to stand one on side or the other?”

After a few seconds delay Katie nodded and replied in contrast, “I can’t lose him.”

“Do you really have him?” Emily responded with what she always replied to that statement.

Katie pursed her lips together to respond but the words didn’t come out, so Emily continued, “three hundred and sixty five days a year and you get 14 of them if you are lucky. Is that really how you want to grow old?”

She knew her dear neighbour was right, but it was better than nothing wasn’t it?

She’d met many men over the past ten years but none had come close to making her feel the way Rhys did. The longing in between their annual time together never eased on her heart, and she often counted down from the day she returned home. But she had Rhys to look forward to. His brown eyes, the gentle way he held her in his arms, the soft deep tone of his voice as he whispered into her ear when they lay entwined. The fun they had when they just fooled around. He was hers, all hers for fourteen days at a time. She knew the rules when she fell in love with him, and so long as she never uttered those three words she knew their ritual was safe. It didn’t bother her that Rhys never said those words, because she knew he felt something much deeper than anything that could be said out loud. Well it did but she refused to admit it.

“I’m not ready Auntie E, and I don’t think I'll ever be ready to let him go, or to risk it by demanding we be together. I’d rather have a little of him than nothing at all.”

From the expression on Katie’s face Emily knew not to take it any further. Katie was such a sensitive loving soul, she knew Rhys would have to be the one to make this decision, Katie simply wasn’t strong enough to break away.

“I thought you’d say that, just guard your heart dear,” Emily sighed as she stood up taking the dishes to the sink.

Silence filtered through the air as conflicting thoughts filled their minds. Outside the birds twitted their good byes to the fast disappearing sun. Crickets joined in drowning out the soft chirps with their shrilled tones. Even the ticking clock in the hall sounded louder as they kept their thoughts within. As the last dish was laid to dry in the rack Emily looked over at her younger friend and sighed again.

“Would you move there?”
“Huh? No, no I couldn’t,” Katie replied with resignation in her tone.

“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?” Emily questioned when she noticed the flicker in Katie’s eyes at the mere mention of moving overseas.

“Rhys wouldn’t allow it, at least not forever. No commitment remember. His rule I agreed to it….. plus where could I live? How would I live?”

Emily exhaled as she opened her mouth to continue, but instead she kept her thoughts to herself. She couldn’t help thinking Katie couldn’t see the bigger picture.

“Plus I’d miss my kids too much and you,” Katie gestured her hand towards a photo on the wall of her grown up children and their young families.

“Well I don’t really travel anymore, but you could come back here. Oh and don’t forget those internet thingies, you know where you can talk for free Skyte is it?”

“It’s skype, and well yes we could,” Katie laughed. She frowned thinking of all the possibilities she’d entertained in her mind over the years.

“So if Rhys asked you, you said no?”

“He won’t ask so there’s no point thinking too hard about this. He’s happy how it is.”

“But are you? Entertain this thought for a moment, what if he did ask?”

“I guess, but it’s not going to happen Auntie E, it would’ve already if it was going to,” Katie decided looking at her watch wondering where Rhys was.

“You know you can write from anywhere don’t you, and you can set up a studio in various places …” she stopped as Katie chimed in.

“.. I’ve already thought of all that, but we’ve lasted due to the situation, inspite of everything else. No matter how much I’d love it to be different, it’s working now.”

“Yes but …”

“Auntie E Rhys is mine because he doesn’t know we’ve got a commitment. Rhys is mine because he doesn’t think he can let me down or disappoint me with that ‘no commitment’. I have to respect and accept that,” Katie felt the sob rise in her throat and excused herself heading to the bathroom.

“Do you? Do you really have to accept it? If he loved you then ….”

“He doesn’t love me though,” Katie barely got out as her breathing quickened and tears spilled down over her cheeks, she did want more. She longed to fall asleep in his warm strong arms every night. The desire to feel his lips all over her body and his hands moving softly over her bare skin nightly was sometimes too much to bare. The way he said her name in that southern drawl that she knew she could never grow sick of, that deep voice, oh those brown eyes. He mesmerised her without even knowing it with a long drawn look. She wondered what he was thinking whilst she lost her thoughts in his dark chocolate windows. He was fond of her, that much she knew, he kept turning up each year, that was comforting. But could she ever expect him to want to be with her fifty weeks out of the year instead of only two?

“It is what it is Auntie E, we’ve both accepted that, why can’t everyone else?” Katie looked up through tear blurred eyes searching for an answer she knew her friend couldn’t give her, not really believing it herself.

“Do you love him?” Emily responded displaying moistened eyes at her friends heartache.

“Yes,” Katie whispered. “I love him very much.”

“Then take a chance dear heart,” Emily said holding out her arms to embrace Katie.

Biting her lip Katie nodded bowing her head in surrender onto Emily’s shoulder. Her shoulders shook as the emotions built up over the years came rushing out like a dam breaking. She held on tight not caring that she might not be able to stop, not even stopping as she heard heavy foot steps along the outside balcony towards the front door.

Into Perspective

2009-08-09T04:13:38-04:00

When things happen to those in your life that don't seem fair it's easy to say "that wont happen to me."

Whilst I've been here at thoughts I've gotten to know two beautiful ladies amongst many others who are young, vibrant and full of life. They heralded from two different parts of the world, one in my neighbourhood, the other countries away. They touched my heart and forever they will remain in my heart and mind.

A white rose and a yellow daffodil.

I don't know why and no matter what reasons I come up with it just doesn't make sense.

Yesterday I attended a Creative Flash workshop, and for reasons nothing to do with the above I felt distracted and not really there. Today I've been sulking to myself, what about? Well about my results from yesterday. I got some good photos but I didn't GET what I was there for. I missed the boat and since I've been questioning where I'm at.

As a result I've been grumpy, I've been questioning my abilities, my goal. I cant shelve it because I've spent far too much time and effort and I do love it. Plus I know I can achieve what we were shown, I just need a little bit more practice.

But as I feel a sliding of self-esteem and confidence the yellow daffodil comes to mind and I push my feelings of disappointment aside. I know I can't compare my tiny disappointment with what others are facing.

I was reminded of that last night too when a person who attended the workshop put on his status that he was tired after an active workshop. He got a response from a friend that said ...

"tired? try 10 weekly cycles of chemotherapy, you know your tired then :-)"

I was also reminded when I received an email from my friend Bob, who let me know he's taking pain killers and will be going back in to have surgery soon, which worries me since he told me they decided doing that was too risky.

I don't know if this is making much sense.

It's hard sometimes to understand what others are facing and going through when your biggest worry at that current point in time is whether you understood a concept at a workshop.

So let me say to those of you facing the challenge of your life, If I could change anything and make it right for you I truly would.

I can't help that I don't understand what you are going through, and I hope I don't sound insensitive when I blog about my own version of a crappy day.

This is really hard to write, I feel so much sadness when I read of others challenges with hardship in life, especially at the moment "cancer" which is just too prevalent. I want to help them, I want to support them, and I will if they ask. In the mean time I will support Daffodil day and buy the merchandise which funds the Cause.

I can put my challenges into perspective when I compare what I'm dealing with to what you are dealing with ... I don't know .. I guess that is all I can say .... Blah!

Just in case you missed Praetorian

2009-08-08T22:25:02-04:00

Do you remember when some of us put up PODCASTS or Videos to let others hear our accents? Of course us Aussies don't have accents, it's the rest of you lot that possess them

Well there is a fellow Thoughtster that some of you may have already come across who posts PODCASTS all the time, and he's hilarious, he's clever and I've enjoyed listening to his podcasts even when they are a little um "naughty" .. but did I say FUNNY?

His name is Praetorian .. I know hard to say, harder to remember how to spell.

He's done a special podcast which I believe was inspired by Kaybee's DAFFODIL DAY post.

I know some of you HATE referrals to other bloggers and other members of our community on thoughts, but this is a GREAT cause, so I'm going to paste a link below to his Podcast.
Oh and while you are there if you have a bit of time, take a minute to read his blogs or listen to some other podcasts. He's an intelligent man and I think some of you may just enjoy his take on life

Click here to go to his Podcast => PODCAST

*** Wait make sure you say Hello to me first!!!!! I Miss you guys xx xx

About due to chat to you

2009-08-07T08:55:28-04:00

I miss the way you make me laugh
Your words bring the biggest smiles where sometimes there are none.

So far away the distance separates us
So close I hold you in my heart.

You don't want any expectation
You never want to let anyone down.

You could never let me down
You are who you are and I love that about you.

There are not false pretences
There are no promises to break

It's time, it's luck and a little bit of fate
It's joy, it's bliss all those hours I miss

Do you think we'll get to feel the touch
Warm breath on my neck, me foolin with your ears

Would you keep that promise?
Could you commit?

I'm not asking too much
Our connection just lasts as such

No matter how much we don't catch up
You'll always have a special place in my heart

EasyToSay is a pumpkin

2009-08-06T10:27:05-04:00

Well I am official in PUMPKIN mode. It's after midnight and even though I told a friend at 11pm tonight that I was going to bed before midnight I'm still here.

So I figured I might just give you a little story of a person who I dated once ... whose STILL sending me text messages occassionally ... can you interpret them for me?? This WILL BE FUN!

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Now I went to coffee with this 28 year old ages AGO.... why Well 28 is my lucky number with guys right? WRONG!

Anyway went to coffee with him, you may recall me blogging about him, he was shorter than I was and I had my flatest shoes on (I'm 5'6"). He was also err um shiny on top. BUT he was a great guy, friendly, intelligent, we got along very well. Alas there was no spark.

However I didn't really think the no spark thing was a problem because well his profile at the time said he was just looking for friends. So I agreed sure we could meet again.

We tried for the next three weeks after our initial coffee meet up to get together for movies, for dinner for bowling (I know wtf? not my idea). Anyway it was just impossible. Really I wasn't interested I guess... figured it would die out on it's own (Story of my love life).

Anyway then he starts texting me to go out, but he'd text me at 4pm on a Saturday night saying "hey do you want to catch up and go out tonight?"

This occurred a few times, and each time I responded that I had my children so NO I couldn't. Then he does the same thing on a Saturday around 3pm. I'm on the phone to Kaybee, now fellas us girls can talk, so I ignored his call, and texted him to say I was on the land line. He wants my landline number!! Again WTF?

He wants to go out for a quick coffee before the kids get home at 5pm. I tell him I cant I've got too many things to do, his response.....

"How about I just come around to your place?"

I just wrote back HAHA no, sorry.

A few weeks later I get another text asking to go out, again at 4pm on a Saturday. I decline.

Today I get a text from him that reads :-

"Hey Kelly, do you have msn, you can see me on webcam?"

For starters my name is KELLIE not KELLY ... and why in the world would I want to see him on Webcam?????

Bemused I respond back :-

Hey J, I hardly get on MSN .. and NEVER do Webcam.. Have fun though.

Anyway what a dill... oh and his last text and my response made me think of this song by Pink ...

They've finally separated

2009-08-06T09:45:41-04:00

Well there was always a chance it would happen. I mean they've been together for so long, despite what others suggested and commanded.

Split them up the mechanic used to say, they are a weight and no good together.
Even my Dad suggested they live in different parts of the house, or at least weren't seen together anymore.

Yes my friends my house keys and my car keys are no on separate key rings. I no longer have the luxury of taking them for granted! I now have to search for both when I leave the house, godforbid the day I walk out with only my car keys locking myself outside ... like Kaybee did the other day ... lol.

Okay gotta tell you about this. I was sitting at home last Friday on a day off, after the AWESOME PINK Concert (did I mention I'd turn for Pink? oh and Frenchkiss) and I'm dragging my butt off the computer where I'm looking at photographic equipment that I couldn't afford yet, but apparently needed asap!

I'm also chatting to a fellow photog whose really wetting my appetite about this equipment. I look at the clock and it's 11:45am. I am supposed to be at the school athletics track for Miss 9's first event at midday... SCHITTTTTTEE i'm going to be late! She's expecting me, she knows I have the day off, I've promised I'll be there. So I rush my friend off the phone, grab my bag, grab my jacket and lastly but by no means least I grab my camera .. don't leave home without it!

As I'm nearing the front door and my hope of getting there on time resurfaces the phone rings, now usually I'd say "Bugger It" let it ring. But for some reason I HAD to get it. I check the number on caller ID and don't recognise the number. Normally I'd say "Bugger It" and ignore it especially if I don't recognise the number. But for some reason unbeknown to me I robotically pick it up and say an impatient "Hello!"

"Thank god you are home," a frantic and frustrated voice of Kaybee responds.
"Yerr, just leaving," I reply as she quickly says.
"Can you come by and let me in?"
"Um let you in?" I'm thinking she's lost her marbles, drop by and let her in??

She goes on to explain how she went out the back to give the dog water and the back sliding door has locked her out. SHE DIDN'T DO IT, it was the door. I'm thinking Yerr yerr, in between thinking I've gotta Gooooooo. But I take a breath sensing Kaybee's frustration.

"How am I going to let you in?" I ask thinking a rock through a window does not require two people to be present. I mean it's not like she needs parent supervision, in fact for the sake of insurance it's probably best if I DON'T see her purposefully break the window.

"With your key!" she says.
"My key?" I repeat slowly thinking I don't have a key that will fit her lock.

Suddenly Kaybee realises and says "Ohhhhh noooo you don't have a key to my place do you? I only have one to your place."

"Ahh yes that's right," I say relieved, ironically remembering the night before Kaybee suggesting she get that spare done and give it to me to hold onto.

A deal was made and I drove Kaybee to the Athletics track - yes I was late, by 30 minutes, but the events were early. Although I did get to see Miss 9 compete in 3 more events. As for Kaybee well her HH came and picked her up and took her home with his key. Problem solved.

Anyway I've still separated my keys, but Kaybee has a spare! So I'm good.
Oh and I still haven't got a copy of Kaybee's so Kaybee watch out for that evil backdoor, it's locked you out once, it'll do it again!

xx xx

Please join in (Avatar to Daffodil)

2009-08-06T08:47:29-04:00

My bestie Kaybee has posted a blog with a topic/subject and request that is very close to her heart, it is regarding a worthy cause here in the land of Oz .. called Daffodil Day

Please read Kaybee here => Change Your Avatar

I wrote an article about this great cause way back in 2003 on it's 10th year Anniversary. For our non-Aussie friends I'll re-type some of it here ...changing the dates to suit this years event.

====================

Daffodil Day will be held on Friday 28th August 2009. This marks the 16th year of using Daffodil Day to raise funds for Cancer research in Victoria. The event has been heralded as the largest national fundraising event for cancer research in the Southern Hemisphere. Funds raised from the event are used to educate people, support patients and very importantly provide much needed funding for vital research. One in three Australians are believed to be affected by cancer, the remaining two people not affected know someone who is.

With over $10.8 million raised in Victoria alone in the first 10 years, this year organisers hope to raise well over $15.5 million nationally, wih Victorian organisers aiming to raise $3.5 million.

Daffodil Day originated in CANADA and was created by the Canadian Cancer society in the early 1980s. Its popularity has seen it expand and it is now run by Cancer charities in seven western countries. The event has given the hardy annual flower international significance as the accepted and positive symbol for heroic efforts made by cancer patients. The daffodil was originally chosen as the symbol of hope for all those touched by cancer.

Of particular significance is the way that the daffodil grows - by pushing its way through the frozen earth after a long winter to announce the return of spring, new life, vitality and growth. This correlates with the tough fight many cancer patients and their families experience.

==================

Thanks for reading and I do hope you change your avatar in a show of support... and for those in countries where Daffodil day is heralded, I hope you continue to support it and purchase some merchandise.

Thanks for listening and may you have a fantastic day xxx

Inspiring words captured

2009-08-06T07:34:28-04:00

Hey everyone, I've been flat out busy, but I'm trying trying trying to keep all my fires lit. I've just joined a photographic website/forum site, nothing unique about that right? Except it's the first (and probably the last) one where I have willingly paid to be a member of.

You could say it's one of my "escape" hatches from here, should the need arise. Lol. Okay I'm only kidding, no clown is going to force me to leave this place. Thoughts.com is my home. I have a very nice room here, and I have great friends, and the other beautiful thing about thoughts.com and my small room in "the house that Ben built" (thanks Tonyray for that quote) is that new people wander down the halls and often they find me, or I find them.

This place is never short of new residents who take up their very own space here too. So yerr where was I? Oh yerr .. no clown is going to make me go, no matter how annoying, no matter how much attention he seeks.

Anyway back to a relevant topic, this "other web site" which I don't mind telling you about because it doesn't compare with here, it's like comparing apples with oranges.
I've never been a big visitor of our forums here, but over there the pages are full of stuff that is helping me continue to grow in my passion as a photographer, and I came across this link, which is a short film, or video of a professional photographer in the US or A. Now he starts off the film waffling about what he's going to talk about, and then he goes on to talk about his life, how he views things, how he is visited by darkness and how he needs to look at what he's got and love who he is and how much his family means to him. His Dad is at the time in a coma in hospital and he's praying that his Dad will come out of it so he can tell him all these things he needs to say.

Anyway the piece touched me and I'm really inspired to move forwards to excel. I'm recharged.
Here is the link => Click HERE

I hope thoughts.com will allow the link to stay, and I hope you take the time to view this 6 minute video which I took inspiration from.

Please let me know what you think of it, and if you do take the time to click on it, take a deep breath and just listen to his words as you watch the amazing scenary he's prepared.

It's great.

I miss you Jack

2009-08-04T06:35:29-04:00

Short story created from an idea I just got when I did find an email in a rarely used email account that I used to use a lot ...

=====

"Damn it," Kate said outloud as she typed furiously on the keyboard. "Why can I never remember my password for this account?" She knew why but chose to ignore that niggling voice that told her the heartfelt reason.

Her black cat sat at her feet cleaning behind her ears and ignoring the frustration in her owners voice. Kate noticed Piper and scowled at the double meaning behind a cat washing behind it's ears. "Great that means rain," she said to herself turning her attention back to the screen.

"Password recovery, yes that's what I need," she mumbled to herself clicking on the red box alerting her that she was far from correct authenticating herself into her email account.

It was an extra email account that she had to have to chat with, and correspond with HIM, her mystery man, her online man. He saved her many times from a lonely teary night. His kind words and his gentle humour turning her frown upside down on many occassions. She probably saved him a few times too if truth be told, but he'd never said as much and she'd never asked.

She knew she'd cleared the account of all his emails and hers sent to him after 6 months had passed since they'd spoken. It was a sore point for Kate, who thought they had something special, something unique. After all how many guys had she chatted to online, well a few she realised, but never any as sincere as she found Jack. Jack was 16 years her junior, but his understanding of her and her of him was eerily aligned.

Their conversations often started sad and depressing but they never ended that way. And if both of them came with the same sad disposition at the same time, the one that opened up first got the attention so desperately sought. The other putting their feelings aside for their friend.

Then Jack just disappeared off the radar, and Kate followed. She got caught up in her career and Jack, well Kate never really knew what happened to Jack. She still longed for him to call her up one day and go through with their meeting in person. For some reason she never gave up hope. One night when she desperately needed his words, his smiley emoticons, his winks, his hugs she ravaged her email box. Everything went, just a memory now she'd sworn as she chugged down the last of her second bottle of red wine. Somewhere in between passing out and deleting the last email she'd changed the password. That was the reason why she couldn't remember it.

"Ahh Bingo," she shouted as she located her online file that she'd updated that very night with her new password in it. Slowly and precisely she typed in the password, holding her breath she hit ENTER.

Her eyes lit up as she noticed she had one email from 2 months early ... it was from Jack.
She'd seen him around their chatroom but ignored him, he'd done the same. Maybe that was why she suddenly thought as she felt a lump rising in her throat. Excitedly she clicked to open the email.

Tears started welling in her eyes overflowing down her cheeks as she read and re-read his simple but beautiful message ....

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand"

--Author Unknown

Kate felt her heart beat as she noticed a flashing chat icon next to the mail tray .....

"Jack," she sighed breathlessly. "I miss you Jack," she said out loud

No easy way to say this

2009-08-03T19:27:07-04:00

I'm sorry I cant follow my last blog with an upbeat, humouros and witty blog, I promise after this one I'll work on that.

I've been receiving emails from Bob again, short 6 liners, jokes, some gorgeous photos of his grand daughter. I made sure he knew I was so happy to receive emails from him, because I really am delighted.

The photo of his Granddaughter sitting on Bob's knee and another on Bob's wife Michele's knee, whilst Michele tries to talk on the phone, give me a smile but also bring a sad feeling.

She is an adorable grandchild, an adorable little cherub innocent to the world.

She has no idea that her Grandfather, Bob has been diagnosed with throat cancer.

Bob has not told me himself, another blogger here Xerx let me know - please refer to Xerx for updates, he is going to visit Bob this week-end. Bob just let me know that they were unable to do the second surgery due to the concern that he may bleed out. So he's home, and he's happy about that. But he's in pain, he cannot talk and he's told me as such when he apologised for the shorter than normal emails he's sending.

His Granddaughter has no idea that he probably wont get to see her grow up, start dating and one day make him even more proud of her than he is right now. Right now she is oblivous, but very lucky. Very lucky that she gets to spend time with this amazing man, who is simply to her, her granddaddy.

Thank you for your prayers for Bob, I know Bob and his family will need them as they face the very near future. I am saddened to hear this news, but Xerx thank you for letting me know, I'm not sure Bob wants to tell me the actual diagnosis.

I did tell Bob that I'd shared this very small snippet of his life with you all, and I asked him if he minded. His response was typical of his character. He didn't mind who I told so long as I didn't tell Miss 9 and Master 6. He doesn't want them to worry about him.

Is it too late for a miracle?

Scurry of foot steps

2009-08-03T17:53:54-04:00

It's morning, it's cold. I have the central heating warming the house as I work away on the corporate laptop. I'm having a few wins early this morning which is a good thing since I'm tired and grumpy! lol. I know! I sound like a sook, I guess I am being as such, I have a "beef" and I am slowly dropping it. But in the mean time forgive me for being a little snippy.

Anyway so I'm working away here in my study, both children are asleep, snug and warm in their beds. I leave them to sleep until 8am, unless they get up on their own, which is preferable since they can be grumpy in the mornings. Especially on School days.

I'm checking on an agent set up in a database and I hear the toilet flush and the door close. The silence of the morning continues with only the sound of the central heating blowing out of the vents in the roof trying to compensate for the cold, sharp, brisk morning air.

Again I hear pattering of feet from outside the study door, I glance sideways expecting a huge "BOOOOOO" but nothing happens so I go back to my monitor and think about all the things I have to do today.

There again, scurry of feet, I glance, but nothing. I start to think I'm paranoid and turn my attention to the job at hand. I'm half expecting one of the children to jump around the corner and scare the living daylights out of me. Wouldn't be the first time, I used to have to pretend to get a fright, now as they've got older they often do genuinely scare me when they do this... Pretty funny really.

But no shout, no BOOOOOOO. Slowly a background mumble heightens as the fan stops blowing warm air for a moment. Pushing my chair backwards from the desk I notice a light on in our formal lounge, and yes I am now sure I can hear something.

Perplexed I head toward the light and sound .... it's Master 6! He's snuck past me, turned the television on (and the light) and is propped in front of the television watching Ben 10 Alien Force.

"Morning Mate," I say as I kiss his head. He shakes his head of my kiss and responds.

"Morning Mum," but that's all he says as he turns back to Grandpa explaining why Ben can't do what he just did.

"Why aren't you dressed?" I laugh as he glances back at me as if to say Are you Still here!

"Well why can't you get my clothes?" he asks.

HA! I think as I leave the scene of the crime. He is usually the biggest sleeper-in out of all of us. I guess now whilst this new Ben 10 Alien force cartoon is on I wont have any trouble getting him up. It's the getting him dressed and ready for school that might just be a problem now!

Gotta go, I hear Miss 9 banging cupboards in here room, and wait for it ....

yep ... just got my BOOOOOOO

xxxx

Im not even in the game

2009-08-03T09:59:04-04:00

So you are playing a game with me huh?
Do you think I'm that stupid that I don't see what's going on?

Games are not my thing, well not the ones you are playing.
Leave me out of it, cease, desist, stop, walk away.

I laugh at how clever you think you are being
But I saw through it, maybe not straight away.

The wall is now translucent
My heart is now closed.

No need to keep playing
The siren has gone.

Spare me the act.
Save it for someone else.

I just dont have the time for this.
The flavour has gone anyway.

Every dog has his day
Time to find a new home.

** not directed at anyone, just at the emotion that is swimming in my heart and mind at the moment.... it's late it's midnight, I have to be up in 5.5 hours .. maybe now I can sleep.

Because I let them

2009-08-03T08:55:40-04:00

I used to play a pretty mean game of sport, whether it be basketball, netball or softball. I'd do what it takes to win, to get what I wanted.

Which was a win!

I didn't care too much how I got it. No I didn't cheat, but I did go HARD, I did play aggressive, I did intimidate my opposition if it meant I had the upper hand. At times I'd even try to intimidate the referee, on occassion this would work, on other occassions it back fired and meant I had to work doubly hard to get back on top of a situation. Oh and yes sometimes I blew my top when a decision went the other way.

I was a little more sedate off the field/court, but I still went after what I wanted. Then along came children, along came mellow me. Along came a personality that wanted to lead by example, that wanted my children to go about things the right way, with respect, manners and charm.

Out the window went my ME first attitude, instead I put my children number one, family number two, and friends three, and everything else thereafter depending on the situation.

Sometimes I even find now days that I allow people second and third chances with me, when I really should tell them to hit the road when they treat me like crap once, whether they "meant to" or not, whether they even "realised or not" - as if they didn't bloody realise, do they really think I came down in the last shower, or these blonde streaks in my hair are natural?????

Although I must admit that eventually I do dismiss them, but they never really know it. They just think I've stopped making contact or going out of my way. They don't mean anything to me, why should they, they've treated me like a second class citizen. Of course I have discarded some immediately, but I do that nicely. Maybe I need to just give them the rude exit message, but I know that wouldn't make me feel better or the bigger person.

Even here in thoughts lately I've been struck by my own frustration at not having the gumption to speak up about something that everybody thinks but nobody is saying.

That is there is a person who is annoying the heck out of me and many others, and what do I do? I sit back and just watch him like along with many others ... like road kill. ... only worse.

I have not made one single comment, well I did but then I deleted it because I couldn't be bothered fighting it out. This person thinks he is KING around here, to me all he's doing is giving the site a really bad reputation. I hope those new bloggers don't judge us all by this one apple.

I shut up also because we've had enough drama here ... oh and too bad he is the root cause of the majority of his own ... grr there is so much I could say here.

I know that what I'm voicing is not who I am, nor who I represent, but right now at this very minute I wish I didn't give a schitte what others thought, I wish in my real world that I didn't care so much about how others viewed me .. oh and how MY FEELINGS are still put two or three priorities back. I wish people would respect me, see my soft acceptance of their "pathetic" behaviour towards me as just that pathetic and weak. You annoy me, you know that!

Why do people think they can treat me like this? Why do I let people let me down? Disappoint me and never know it? Well the simple answer is because I let them!

I guess I'd better work on that .. thanks for helping me figure that out.

Oh and to the guy who sent me a friend request the same time as he sent me an email asking me if I'd eat him like the spider was eating the snake ... guess what! I'm starting with you .. your request request is rejected!.

Winners are grinners

2009-07-31T08:24:31-04:00

Whilst Kaybee and I were rocking it up at the PINK concert last night to Evermore (the warm up act to Pink), my children along with my parents were attending the photographic competition awards night.

I would've been there, but a pre purchased ticket of $133 to Pink was something that just wouldn't compare with an awards ceremony. So dutifully I'd called to RSVP that I couldn't attend, on questioning whether the "token" gifts for entering would be posted out if all 3 of us didn't attend I was put onto another administrator. This other lady was the coordinator of the entire competition, and she could relate to my "reason" because she was attending the PINK concert herself. I would've expected a simple yes/no answer to my question regarding the "thanks for entering our competition" gift - which has been a "branded" pen in the past, however instead I got her suggesting my children attend if possible without me.

Of course this got me curious, why would she want my children to attend, had they won something? I fished for more details, and told her there was a chance my Dad could drive everyone there, but he'd be pretty annoyed if it was for the sake of a "stinking" pen.
She insisted it would be very worthwhile. I pressed her a little to which she responded, "Kellie I've told you all I can say, please do not push me."

Point taken I gave my Dad the details and he took everyone. I was really hoping one of my children had won an award for their photography, they are starting to enjoy catching shots .. although Master 6 doesn't have his own camera.

Whilst Kaybee and I finished off a quiet drink and dinner a text message got sent to me, via my sisters phone!! ODD I thought, since we are still not on talking terms. Anyway opening the text which was actually an MMS, the subject line was "from Miss 9" .. followed by a photograph of Miss 9 standing in front of MY PHOTOGRAPH with a big BLUE ribbon it!.

I'd won!
I'd actually won a photographic competition, my first one, and I wasn't even there to accept it.

I called and spoke to Miss 9 who was very excited about accepting on my behalf, she giggled as she told me they must have thought she was Me!

The prize was a $599 Nikon Coolpix Camera, gotta LOVE NIKON. Which I was contemplating exchanging for equipment, but my children have been giving me very good reasons why I should let them share it!!! So I guess we now have another camera in the house.

Oh and which photo won? ... this one ....=>

Have a great week-end

xx xx

Such a simple email

2009-07-30T00:28:00-04:00

I was delighted and relieved to receive an email from my friend Bob this morning. Which means he's come home after his initial operation. The major one will be done on the 30th, that is the serious one.

Anyway he didn't write much, in fact it was just one of those chain emails.
As Kaybee suggested it was his way of letting me know so far so good and he's alright.

The main text of the email said this :

If God brings you to it he'll bring you through it............

Just thought I'd pass this on to you all (I know I am not religious, but that really doesn't matter here), and thank you all for your prayers for Bob.

But not only for Bob but for every person we all know who are facing some very challenging things in their life.

I will let you know when I know more about Bob (without divulging anything that I know he wouldn't like shared).

Dont Mess with me ....

2009-07-29T23:13:51-04:00

I'm not sure if it was the way I slept or the "still" pending arrival of Aunt Flo who seems to be waylaid or whether sometimes situations bring it out of me, but today I have attitude! Today I have spunk, and I don't mean sassy or sexy I mean assertive and bloody DIRECT!

I should start nicely saying I AM A GOOD Daughter!!! I have fulfilled all requirements of my Dad's rant AT me the other day! I have now had my car serviced, checked my oil and *drum roll* got NEW TYRES!!!!!

This week I've been pricing new tyres, I hate spending money on stupid black rubber things which now, *apparently* are technologically enhanced with some stuff called "Silica based" (isnt that what breast enlargements have in them?). I'd much rather go on 4 horse rides, or purchase ONE new lens for my camera! But OHHHH no I have to get new tyres, so you could imagine how much tolerance I have for the B*S that the sales guys give me! That's right ZERO!

Anyway came across a sales guy who appeared on the level offered to knock $8 off the price of a tyre within 5 minutes of our conversation, taking the price from $128 to $120. Sounds good right? So I booked my car in for 4 new tyres and called my Dad to report in.

Fast forward to this morning, phone rings as we are running out the door, it's my Dad. Who informs me that the tyres that I am getting at a bargain price are now in the catalogue for $119!!!! GRRRRRRR I think as I tell him I have to go.

After taking the kids to school I drove to the Tyre place ... thinking how much I felt "sucked in" .. you know the female gets dubbed by the Tradesman. Now that really bugs me - I am female YES, I know nothing about tyres - TRUE ... but would a guy get the same treatment?? Highly unlikely.

So I go in with all guns blazing, POOR SCOTT serves me, not DEAN who was my phone person. Dean comes past smiles when he finds out I'm me, and says so we are doing it for $120 right? Smiling and looking so bloody proud and *generous*.

"Ah I don't think so Dean!" I snap. His eyes look confused so I continue, "You said you were giving me a good deal, yet the tyres are in the catalogue for $119. You're ripping me off!" I state looking him direct in the eye.

"Hey?" he asks confused grabbing the catalogue on the front counter. "Oh yerr that just starts today. We can match that."

I just glare back at him, "Great!" I say with all the sarcasm I have in my body.
Scott is ducking his head continuing on with entering me details, he meekly says, "Have you been here before?"

"No, and will I be back again? NO!" I say smiling sarcastically at him.

Dean tries to come up with some crap about that deal only starting today .. blah blah blah.

I let him finish then tell him I thought he was going to look after me, and that I really couldn't believe him anymore.

Dean explains they pay $106 for the tyres so he can't do too big of a margin.

"So then I think you should give them to me for $110," he just looks at me and gives a chuckle.

"We have to fit, align and you get seamless tubes .. blah blah blah blah,"

"They are fricken Tyres!" I say with a lot of venom. "Don't think I'm going to get excited about Tyres!"

He waffles on awhile, I just look at him not really listening. But I think I've explained before my eyes don't lie. He would've known I was p**sed off. I walk out and go have coffee with my girl Kaybee. I give her the story and she' s cracking up telling me I'm In a Mood .... oh and by the way SO is SHE!

An hour they call to let me know my tyres are ready I walk back down to the workshop. Scott is at the front counter, sees me coming and leaves ...lol.
Dean takes over, I say "Hi," genuine and politely. I hand over my credit card and he says,

"Now so that you don't leave us feeling like you were ripped off I've done them for $116 each .. and we'll throw in a $200 voucher for all your 10,000km checks"

"Really? Wow, thank you," I say trying to sound "normal". "I really appreciate that."

Dean again starts giving me a spiel about the quality of the tyre I've now got on my car and blah blah blah blah ....

I wait until he's taken a breath and I say, "Dean, I really appreciate it, but at the end of the day I really can't get passionate about tyres!"

"Oh, yerr," he says realising I'm not interested. "I hate buying tyres too."

"Oh I'm sure that's not true, I'm sure you breath, eat and sleep tyres?"
He laughs so I add "After all they do look like doughnuts!"

That got him, I thanked him and walked out ... so folks, use that attitude be assertive, why pay full price if a little attitude can save you money.

ps. I let Kaybee know the discount I got ... I won't tell you what her reply text said!!!!!

My Male model shoot

2009-07-29T08:59:29-04:00

** this has been sitting in my draft for a week or so .. forgive me?? **

From go to woooh the previous week-end just gone has been fantastic albeit I was exhausted.

I met with my male (model) friend to shoot him in the bushland by the lake on Saturday morning. We started with a coffee and a chat. I could tell he was nervous because he kept delaying the start .. by offering to fix the latch on my gate that was broken, by suggesting we go take a look at the tools I had that could fix it! lol It was kinda cute.

Your suggested methods of getting him to be spontaneous (especially Shemelts) whilst I shot that perfect shot came into my head as we wandered around.

He was fantastic, naturally at first it wasn't natural to him, but as we walked, talked, captured an image here and there, and he had the occassional cigarette the shots got better and better. It really was nice taking photos of someone you know and like. It makes capturing their spirit, their character, their personality so much easier. I'm really pleased with the end result, and I was happy I'd done a good job especially later when his Mum said she wanted some photos printed.

He even muttered the words, "Next time it'll be easier!"
I didn't press that "NEXT TIME" comment, but it's engraved into my head.
After I'd captured 40 images (and by that time he was smokin' ladies ) we walked back chatting casually. I'm sorry I can't post any shots here, but those friends with me in Facebook can probably concurr.

We ended up having lunch together at the local pie shop before he had to leave to tend to other commitments.

I also got to shoot his sister and her new baby, and some shots of him with his son. They needed them in an urgent time frame due to a birthday present requirement, so I dropped over after work the following Monday.. Have to say he's got a lovely family, my model friend.

** PS looks like either myself or one of the kids has won or come second in a photo compeitions we all entered. I will be at PINK with Kaybee tomorrow night (30th July) when the winner is announced. But when I rang to let them know I couldn't come they were very insistant that the kids come anyway possible. So watch this space!

Mixed thoughts .. no news yet..

2009-07-29T04:24:45-04:00

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Welcome to my wandering words, welcome to no sense or should that be nonsense, no commitment, no promises, read with no expectation and you wont be disappointed.

Do you ever have those days where you just want to fade into the background and not be noticed by anyone?

Do you ever get tired of fighting the good fight or striving to do better?

Do you ever wish that good things came to those who wanted them now, and a wait was not necessary?

Do you ever wonder what "those" people did right that you are obviously NOT doing?

You realise all things are different in their own way, but you know all things are equal as well.

You know you have to chase that dream or the winds will sweep them away.

You know if you guard your heart for too long it will grow grey and hard.

If you have amazing friends hopefully you know you are lucky and don't take them for granted.

If you have an amazing family you know they will come with their quirks too.

Don't expect everything to be given to you on a plate, because for most of us that isn't going to happen.

Some days I want the world, I want every single friend to notice me and love me openly - so I can love them openly back.

I've got a rambling mind right now, but it's not a sad one. I am rather pensive and content, but I feel like just writing and writing and writing. If the sun was out my desire would be shoot images, explore and capture beauty. Alas it's dark and cold outside, inside it is warm and light.

My mind can't help wandering to thoughts of Bob who would've had the pre-op and be recovering for his next op on the 30th. I know emails are the last thing on their minds, but I wish one of his family could email to let me know how he went. I can't help but think I may never hear from his hotmail account again, who knows if he's told anybody his password, I'm thinking positively that he'll start sending me 5 emails every 2 hours again, all those jokes I hate getting, but don't mind from Bob. His 5 liners telling me about his gorgeous grand daughter or his new grandchild on the way. Emails I welcomed but took for granted... because they were just emails, just short notes that we shared... now they mean so much more.

Do you know he sent me a package over 2 months ago that got lost in the mail. He picked out some gifts for my children and he'd sourced a crystal "something" for me that he said was rare. Well it still hasn't arrived, and Bob promised me that he was sending another one because he wanted us to know he thought of us. He apologised that he couldn't get another "Crystal" thing for me,
"but don't worry Love," he'd say, "it will be just as special for you love"

Silly Bob I remember thinking to myself, he didn't need to send me anything, but I wait excitedly all the same.

Sorry for the rambles my friends.