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Out of the dating game for 20 years ...
Finally let someone past my protective suit and a little way into my heart
and after having intense, passionate, fun, times for 3 weeks he left on a pre-planned pre-booked 5 week holiday with his ex.
The first 2 weeks I got a few emails, txt messages, chatted on msn.
After a few neutral replies - I asked are you still single?
To which he answered - YES, in short I am, but I still have feelings for her.
Sh*t happens - it was a pleasure getting to know him.
But then he called me two days later from the other side of the world & we chatted for 2 hours!!!
He'd had so much fun with me, but now being with her 24/7 he acknowledged he still had feelings for her & still cared for her and felt he always would. But at the same time he said he really liked me & had had so much fun & enjoyed our time thus far.
He said he didn't know if she felt the same, so he was really confused.
I accepted all that - suggested he talk to her about it - but asked him to be honest with me and let me know what was going on.
Now he has one week to go, and for the past week I have hardly heard from him -
when I do he is very neutral - as in like you'd be with a friend
I am NOT good with BAD surprises - so do I
1. Text him and ask him whats going on?
or
2. Email him and ask him what's going on?
or
3. Just wait until he contacts me
or
4. Expect that he's going to come back saying He is back with her
(and prepare myself - after all he works at my work)
or
5. Have no expectations and just let fate play its part.
I really look forward to your advice - what ever you think would be refreshing to hear.... thank you
SO FAR
it was my choice to take the option to "wait" to see what happens when he gets back (instead of dating other men) because I've been in this situation before and last time I opted not to wait and I have regretted it ever since.
I have also been in his situation - went away with my ex- and we got back together. Which just didn't last more than 2 weeks after we got back home. |
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-01-23 00:38:05 | Rating: | Views: 227
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Let him go do whatever he has to do without any expectations but don't sit around waiting for him....but what do I know?
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-01-23 01:03:21
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Just a few thoughts here. I'm no expert when it comes to relationships.
Numbers 1 and 2 NOT a good idea. Do nothing until he returns then set up a time to talk by phone or in person. I know and understand how hard it is to wait.
Vacations are fun ... minus the stresses of daily living. Even the worst relationship is better when you are away doing fun things.
He is most likely feeling very confused. You are waiting back at home and now he's processing renewed feelings for his ex.
Unlike women men don't talk things out. When we feel mixed up we call a friend and talk for hours. Men go in their cave, lock the door and try and figure it all out.
It's most likely he doesn't know what he is feeling ... he doesn't have a clue what's going on. Men have told me "yeah Sue asked me what's going on ... I was all mixed up and she continued to pressure me .... gosh I really didn't want to break it off with her ... but I felt I had to make an immediate decision so I told her I couldn't see her anymore." Men need their space!!! One thing I have learned about men ... when I take a step backward ... they take a step forward ... it works every time. Just because things are all hearts and flowers on vacation doesn't mean his ex and him are going to be able to make it work in the daily grind of everyday life.
I learned a long time ago when you have expectations you set yourself up for disappointment. Keep your expectations as low as possible. There is less pain that way.
I think this is a matter where we need some male advice. Come on guys talk to us here ... what do you think??? Peace
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-01-23 01:14:13
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If he comes back to you regardless. gurard your heart. He has admitted still having feelings for her. I wouldn't want a man that was only part mine. But that is just me.
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Posted by Twila
on 2008-01-23 15:48:38
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If he comes back to you regardless. gurard your heart. He has admitted still having feelings for her. I wouldn't want a man that was only part mine. But that is just me.
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Posted by Twila
on 2008-01-23 15:48:43
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well, I have been in that problem before. I guess you should wait and see what's up with him but I suggest you go out with your friends and keep your mind off him. It helps.
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Posted by GryWolf
on 2008-01-23 19:20:43
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Thank you all so much for your comments so far... they are great.
I never thought of what Twila said - "I wouldn't want a man that was only part mine." ..... that's so true!!! My ex-husband wasn't all mine for the last 2 years of our marriage..... and it's not a nice feeling.
Love all the comments though and thank you.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-01-23 19:26:38
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love is blind and so was he if he comes back give him a hard time and warn him the light at the end of his tunnle mey be an oncoming train
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Posted by werebait
on 2008-01-24 16:01:40
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you know what I did this week? I got on with things. I had fun. I watched Pride and Prejudice. Walked on the beach. drank wine. laughed with my girls. 'boy' worries diminished into nothing. And then THEY start to worry if YOU are still interested ;)
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Posted by MaryH
on 2008-01-24 17:49:53
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You'll know when the "right" person is teh right person. If he has doubt, then maybe he isnt right for you.
Im sorry ]:
I know this is tugging on your heart strings.
He is a man.
Men do things like this.
I think you'd be happier, finding someone who is there for you no matter what; who loves you and you'll know, trust me
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Posted by FartherThanAlaska
on 2008-01-24 20:06:25
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no relationship is without trials this is one of them ether he will come back or he will rot it is up to him not you so let him suffer
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Posted by werebait
on 2008-02-04 19:36:11
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