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I was scanning through the blogs this morning (evening for my learned American friends), and came across one discussing Commitment versus choice (read it here -> LINK).
I wanted to respond because I know I made the choice to stay committed to my marriage, even though I was not 100% happily fulfilled. I know the person I was married to was far more self focussed than I was.
Even after we had children, he chose to committ to improve his Golf Game rather than committ to his family.
That was his choice. He also chose to pursue a step climbing career, while I made the choice to have children, and put on hold my career climb, indefinitely.
I accept the choices I made, and he made choices I had no control over.
You all know the story. (For those who don't he cheated, we are now divorced).
Now another friend of mine, made a comment after me on the above BLOG.
He commented that Men lose more in divorce, and it is a fate worse than death for divorced men.
I read this comment a few times, before deciding to make this post.
Now I know of a man, a good friend who is close to my heart, who has been trampled by divorce.
BUT I also see my ex-husband, who is sitting pretty after our divorce.
He has a $90k + salary, lives in the St Kilda area (yuppy zone) and has all the freedom in the world.
He sees his kids 8 hours a week - BY HIS CHOICE, and goes away when he chooses, leaving his kids dumbfounded although, getting used to their Dad being unreliable.
He has walked out on me, sure I get the car, and the house..... but I have to pay him out a substantial amount for his share of the house. Oh and don't forget the mortgage which we doubled 5 months before he left.
He doesn't want the car, because he has a company car, all expenses paid.
He took the LCD (!!Not the LCD), the kick arse surround sound system, our second fridge, the spare microwave (the house has an inbuilt one), all things important to him, DVD's that I used to love.
OH and he got his family decking his new apartment out. He only had to purchase himself a new bed.
So forgive me if I can't agree that all men lose out badly in divorce.
** Now I must concede here, I am not having a go at my friends comment. I don't want you to barrage him with "hate emails" he's a great guy.
I merely wanted to point out that NOT ALL MEN lose out - fate worse than death - when they divorce. I believe we all take a BIG risk committing ourselves to a marriage. For me it was my heart that was broken, material things are replaceable. My heart is not.
Deep breaths easy! lol.
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-07-07 18:39:20 | Rating: | Views: 177
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It's true, not all men lost out. And I agree with you that hearts get broken and they are not replaceable. It just gets easier with time. Hang in there, I know there is a prince charming out there for you!!!
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Posted by KarKar
on 2008-07-07 18:50:16
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I don't beleive all men lose out in divorce. I have to say most men or a good majority of them are living their lives better than before usually. Hearts do take a while to heal. They always say there is someone out there for all of us!! Sometimes they just take longer than usual for us to discover them!!! Hang in there :)
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Posted by brlracincwgrl
on 2008-07-07 19:17:09
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when it comes to divorce, especially in a situation where that person is not showing committment.. i fully believe they should be knocked on their butts! but over all, i think everything should be seperated 50/50. or atleast close to that. my parents went through a very ugly divorce. My dad lost out on everything, but mostly because he gamgled most of it away and lost everything that way. him, i never felt sorry for, as he was, and is never around. But to the father's who actually care, they don't deserve what they get. i don't think it's fair how divorce works really.
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Posted by pixierose
on 2008-07-07 19:32:46
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I guess it is different for everyone. I would give up everything I have for everything I want. But it will never be that simple.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-07-07 23:32:24
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Any man that is willing to place golf, climbing or whatever before his family will suffer-maybe not now, but everybody knows right and wrong-he will suffer. After ten yrs. of marriage and eight years of fatherhood, I cannot imagine putting anything before these people in my life and men and/or women that do, like your ex, deserve nothing less than to die alone.
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Posted by Lastlighthouse
on 2008-07-08 00:26:32
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Okay so I have read your post and I have read the linked post and I have read said comment. And all I can say, is at 18 and never been married before I think he is a little unequiped to understand the full extent of being on the end of divorce. Let alone saying it is a death sentence.
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Posted by KP
on 2008-07-08 06:13:03
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Madge
Dont know what to say except you did get a few things hubby didnt...pride, self respect and decency for one. Hope I never experience the joys of divorce
Have a good day/evening/night, you!
Harold (lol) x
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Posted by geordiedreamer
on 2008-07-08 07:44:51
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Ahh Dave you crack me up ...
Oh Sorry! I mean HAROLD.
Yes I guess I got all the good stuff.
But to say he got nothing is inaccurate.
Cheers,
Madge Bishop!
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-08 07:54:53
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Haha!
Cracking up is right! (read current post)...I SHALL hit that 100 mark! xxx lol
H xxx
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Posted by geordiedreamer
on 2008-07-08 07:56:14
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aka Tubby the Tuba xxxx
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Posted by geordiedreamer
on 2008-07-08 07:56:53
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K
FOTY was and will always be the loser...and someday...I don't know when, he'll realize it too.
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-07-08 09:16:09
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My husband abandoned us 5 years ago. I was home with my 2 babies ages 1 1/2 and 9 mon. and 5 months pregnant. He was "on business" which was a lie and I knew it. I said to him just put her on the phone for god's sake and he did. He didn't lose anything because everything was mine anyway. The last I heard he was sleeping in a field. (She finally dumped him) It must be really peaceful out there.
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Posted by Wake_Me_Up
on 2008-07-08 10:46:25
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We view life through the window of our experiences. The young man who posted the comment, regarding men losing more in a divorce, has most likely seen that scenario played out. I don't know what the statistics are on this. I'm sure this topic has been studied at some point in time ... the results to be found somewhere. It would probably be safe to say that for every story of a man getting burned by divorce ... another story could be told of a woman experiencing the same fate. The "victim" suitcase is a heavy load to carry. My heart breaks for the pain you find yourself in. I'm sending healing thoughts hoping they will lighten your load allowing you to move quickly through this journey of healing to a place of wholeness and happiness. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-08 12:01:44
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Wake_Me_Up - wow. thats pretty f*d up. Sleeping in a field?
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Posted by bloodintheeyes
on 2008-07-08 16:22:18
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I guess I am the only one on this page that did loose all when I got a divorce. She got the car,house,all cash in the savings account,and wrote several "hot checks" that the court was kind enough to award to me. I kept the truck with the camper on it and some of my clothes. All that I could hang up and put in the tiny cabnets. She moved in with her Mother and proceded to buy her Mom a house full of furnature and a new set of tires for her car.These things my X purchased from Sear's. I was really frantic to try and rescue my colapsing credit and keep from going to jail. I paid everything except Sears bill. I called them and carefull explained where they could come to pick up the furnature and tires that I could not afford. All is great now. Credit is normal. I have a new home in the country and when I look out my window I see all types of trees and wildlife. I have no lawn only a house and a driveway to reach it. All the rest of my property is forest. I do not even have a lawn mower,only a weed eater to trim around the drive. How is that for being "green" This is a life many would like but that some would think booring. I am handicaped now and sit around making jewelry to sell as I can. I get a disability check that just pays my house note and utilities. Food is a some times thing but is better than eating too much.LOL I am looking for a rich lady to adopt me, Really I was brought up in an orphanage and have been on my own since I left there at sixteen years old. So if any of you kind folks know of a rich single lady please have her write me.LOL
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Posted by Eudamon
on 2008-07-08 16:50:37
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